Labeling children

[Seraphim]

For instance my son had an official label of “ behaviour “ and “ multiple exceptionality “ meaning all his learning disabilities. This behaviour exceptionality followed him until the very end of his high school years due to incidences only in his first three years of school . Not fair, right? And I fought to have it removed but NOPE. He is not hurt to this day by it. I have taught him resilience and pride in himself.

[Batya33]

The fact that we beat ourselves up about parenting is a reason though not to point fingers at another’s parenting unless it is abusive. Every parent I know beats themselves up some way about their parenting. We should support each other.

 

My son has had MANY lables. Mostly by others and society. Not all I agree with and I guess I have labelled him,good ones. But I don’t feel he was hurt by that or anybody else was harmed due to it.

 

I wrote that I wasn't pointing fingers at this parent at all. It was just an example that triggered my thought process. As I wrote I think she is a wonderful mother to her 3 sons. I don't feel like I have to support people just because they are parents. I do believe I have to support my fellow human beings if at all possible. Parents have it hard and so do many other types of people with all different types of lifestyles, jobs, careers,etc. Teachers for example, wait staff, doctors and lawyers. It certainly takes a village so of course I support those parents who deserve my support and am neutral and pleasant to those who I don't have much in common with - I don't feel as a general matter I have to support parents over other types of individuals. I have heard this a lot of course -about supporting other moms, etc, in general. I prefer to support my fellow human beings in general if I can and not to intentionally hurt another person in any way.

 

When I was single and childless -until age 42 and I started wanting to be a married parent badly in my early 20s- I at times was labeled as being carefree and with no real responsibilities, and immature at times because I was not married and not a parent. It hurt. I tried to have a thick skin about it because I knew it was far far from the truth in my personal situation. I never assume that about people who are single and are not married/have no children. That experience though is not what affected what I posted initially.

 

Your observations are very interesting and I'm really sorry you had those experiences at school. With all respect I don't see how it has anything to do with what I wrote, just like your comments about PC and generalizations seem to take what I wrote to a degree beyond what I wrote -far beyond. Again you raise really interesting points, I agree with most of them and I am sorry about the challenges you and your son faced. I have heard of similar challenges by other parents who have children with special needs and/or learning differences. It is such a shame. Good for you for finding a solution that worked for you and your son and family. I hope you can help others who are going through those same difficulties.

[Seraphim]

I think you’re just not seeing my perspective but neither here nor there .

[Batya33]

Oh I believe I am one hundred percent. That’s a separate issue as to whether I see how it relates to what I wrote. I really enjoyed your perspective on not all generalizations being bad (I agree!)and compliments and PC issues and on supporting parents in general. I was just confused as to how what I wrote related to what you wrote. It didn’t feel fair to be accused of judging a particular parent or not being supportive or of claiming that all generalizations are bad when o wrote nothing of the kind and indeed wrote the opposite about the parent. I didn’t feel particularly supported as a parent by your responses but as I wrote I don’t believe in supporting parents just because they are parents so it’s all good if you prefer to interpret what I wrote and criticize those who are too PC or who think all generalizations are bad - not my opinions so you’re free of course to judge those who do that in your opinion.

Sorry if somehow I wasn’t clear and prompted your interpretation of what I wrote. Itsallgrand got the gist of what I wrote and meant and I can see that others might have found it unclear.

I also loved your approach to responding to how your son was labeled at school. It’s unique and more importantly works for you and your family. Somehow my compliment prompted a reaction that I didn’t understand your perspective so I’m sorry if my compliment gave you that impression.

Thanks again for all your observations.

[kamurj]

The thread was closed by OP request.