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Does anyone has the same experience as I have?


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I'm losing my sanity slowly.

Every conversation with wife turns into a fight no matter how innocently a question is.

A question like when are you going to tell me that xxx thing you have? Turns into a full blown fight.

To me, it was a genuine question. To her, it's an attack.

I don't know how is everything that comes out of my mouth an attack.

Slowly I start to question my sanity.

Also everything I say become a full blown fight. I am damn tired. I am losing any hope and can no longer the shore. I am griefed

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It can be you, it can be her, it can be the both of you. I had something similar with my ex girlfriend. At some point, any thing I would say was interpreted as a negative critique or even an insult. We fought over sentences like "I think we should go to the cinema" or "the new dress you bought looks amazing on you". I eventually decided to stop talking to her.

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I read your other thread. It sounds like you are with a passive aggressive. Start googling. If you feel like she lies when she said she forgot, her words and actions are not in alignment, she says things like "I didn't say that" when you know she did, she doesn't fulfill her promises, it's likely she is a passive aggressive.

 

I am currently leaving one. He is in therapy but is angry at his therapist and me because he refuses to acknowledge that he has a problem. It's emotional abuse and makes you feel crazy. I would recommend therapy. Or just get away if you don't have kids. I am fantasizing about the peace without the drama and lies.

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when are you going to

 

A question that starts like this does sound pretty accusatory.

 

It's unclear what you're asking, but did she promise that she'd answer it at some point? If not, then "when are you going to..." sounds like a demand, not a request.

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A question like when are you going to tell me that xxx thing you have? Turns into a full blown fight.

To me, it was a genuine question. To her, it's an attack.

 

We came home and I saw light. So I said 'you said u switch off everything, the light is not off'.

 

Well, you do come across as her superior.

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. (It's not staying on topic). I said look, the lights not off, you said you did but you didnt. I reminded you but since u said you off everything I trusted you.'

 

From another thread. With my ex, he always threw in the "trust" thing. He asked if i would take out the garbage that day. I said "sure". The garbage crew doesn't come until the next morning before we wake up. I could put the garbage out anytime up to the time i went to bed. It wasn't out at 4 pm when he came home early from work and he brought up issues like "trust" my "unreliability" and the fact that "i can't learn" and "disobedience". I am gladly away from him. If i didn't put the trash out and missed it, my current guy would say "it wasn't that full, we'll get it next time" and not think anything more of it. Or if he saw it wasn't out, he would know that we have until the next morning and wouldn't have a hissy fit.

 

If you were two cats, the hair on your wife would be raised all the time because you are always walking into things in such a confrontational manner. You have to decide somethings are just not worth it, dude.

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Relationship tennis I call it. antidote: don't serve, don't return ball.

 

how to do that:

communicate about how you are feeling.

own everything you are saying: "I feel..." statements.

don't accuse. Just focus on yourself in every conversation.

 

"You said you switch off everything, the light is not off"..... could be translated as "I feel frustrated and unsupported about monitoring our energy usage" (for example). It's far more honest and less accusatory.

 

You'll be amazed how quickly it diffuses things.

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Relationship tennis I call it. antidote: don't serve, don't return ball.

 

how to do that:

communicate about how you are feeling.

own everything you are saying: "I feel..." statements.

don't accuse. Just focus on yourself in every conversation.

 

"You said you switch off everything, the light is not off"..... could be translated as "I feel frustrated and unsupported about monitoring our energy usage" (for example). It's far more honest and less accusatory.

 

You'll be amazed how quickly it diffuses things.

 

 

I would say don't even bring it up, just turn the light off yourself when you get home

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Choose your battles and tone is almost everything. Definitely I statements. If you're frustrated ask yourself if you waited 24 hours to raise it would it still bother you? 48 hours? Check in with yourself before you speak something negative, accusatory, etc. Positive reinforcement. Not gushing just "thanks for leaving on time today. I really appreciate it." And laughter -inside jokes. Routines that are fun and lighthearted - my husband and I do this thing while I'm cleaning up the kitchen and he's in the next room watching TV/doing work where I can see him - I'll say "pssstt" like I have a secret and when he looks up I wave with a silly smile. He waves back. We do this every night. It's silly but it's lighthearted connection. And I make a big deal out of saying "thanks honey!" just randomly in a fun/silly voice where my son can hear and husband will answer back "thank you! thanks everybody!!" Come up with those routines - reminds you to lighten up, and if you have kids (I think you do?) it shows them that you two like each other.

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If you're frustrated ask yourself if you waited 24 hours to raise it would it still bother you? 48 hours? Check in with yourself before you speak something negative, accusatory, etc.

 

This is a good one. Gives you an opportunity to gain perspective and avoid picking a useless fight.

 

Going back to the issue with your wife forgetting to turn off the light: what were you looking to gain by confronting your wife? What did you want from your wife? An admission that she made a mistake, or that she lied? Would it improve your life if she did this? Is her admission more valuable than the stability of your relationship, and your peace of mind? Probably not. If you're just looking to blow off steam, then stick a cork in it. You're an adult. Don't bring it up to her every time you are annoyed about something. Manage your own feelings. Cope. You're making yourself miserable.

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I would say don't even bring it up, just turn the light off yourself when you get home

 

I don't think I agree with this. I think that he/she is clearly very frustrated but unable to express it. It's not about the light, it's about the feeling that it is triggering, that's what needs to be communicated.

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