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Friend off to college


myanmardesca
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Hi everyone, thank you in advance for reading... made my account for this one

 

This past year I have been spending a lot of time with some seniors (I am HS junior) who I've grown to consider some of my best friends. I knew most of them for a looong time and considered them friends before I really became a part of their group but after this year I've grown close to even the few people in it I didnt know very well...

 

Including a girl who I slowly started to develop feelings for, especially during this summer. We all went on a trip to celebrate their graduation about a month ago, and I really started to have my feelings more intensely on that trip. Since then, she and I have begun to hang out alone a few times, watching movies together, getting stuff to eat and even going on a hiking trip together. It's been incredibly fun. I'm not on this forum to ask whether she likes me back; I've been over-analyzing her body language and the tiny things she says and it doesnt do much good... shes not a very flirty person at all and it can be even harder to tell if she has feelings because we really are close friends too, but it is clear she likes spending time with me and I'm clear in that I like spending time with her, and furthermore that we are comfortable around each other. We can talk about more serious things, and touching each other (sounds weird but I just mean like helping each other up, lightly pushing each other, etc.) Isnt uncommon.

 

Unfortunately shes heading off to college in a month and a half. We both are very involved people, I am always busy with my classes and extracurriculars and when she goes to college I know she will be as well, so i know that this distance and lack of time will make any relationship really tough and unlikely. But still, I really want to tell her how I feel. I think we connect really well and I enjoy her company a LOT, and have for some time now.

 

Is that dumb? Is it just "summer love" that's causing this? Is it worth taking the risk of jeopardizing the dynamic of our friendship (which is very important to me), especially so soon before she heads off for college? Or should I play it safe and just remain friends (even though from my experience it seems likely that she has feelings for me too).

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When you mention the dynamics of your friendship--realize it has an expiration date, anyway. If either of you gets a love interest, your friendship is not going to be as close and will have to transform to something else, or maybe even end, anyway. Newer relationships that begin in long distance usually don't work out, as it's difficult for both of you to be satisfied. You'd have to be on exactly the same page as to how much communication happens and how often you get together. And during college years, you are exposed to hundreds of attractive people your age and you're bound to be have a connection with some of them. Being unavailable to date them, and being tied to someone you barely see, might become frustrating.

 

That said, most people regret not risking and then look back at the lost opportunity wondering "what if." I'd say go for it. It if works out great. If not, you tried and can move on. Feeling a little awkward for a time is a small price to pay for potential happiness.

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With her situation changing, it is too late to start expressing feelings. I’m sorry. The reality is she will be so busy adjusting to a new dynamic of living in a new area, meeting new people from all walks of life, and focusing on classes that maintaining a long distant relationship will be overwhelming. That first semester of freshman year at college is critical that she becomes established socially. The friends you make during your freshman year of college tend to be your lifelong friends versus high school friends. Of all the friends I’ve had back high school, I kept in contact with two in my current adult life (and one of them recently died).

 

I know it sucks to lose all your friends in one year and that you have to wait another year for graduation. Please try to make the best of it because Senior year will go by very quickly. My biggest regret of my senior year was being tied down to a boyfriend who enlisted in the military and not making myself socially available as much (it was the year right after 9/11). I was in your position when I was in high school, didn’t fit in with my current class, but had multiple friends with upper and lower classmen. Unfortunately my Hs friendships drifted once we all moved out for college... I was lucky to keep some friendships when I was in community college for a couple years and could still hang out almost every weekend, but then drifted when I transferred schools.

 

Stay friends but don’t waste your time and effort on this one.

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These are two sides of the internal argument I've been having on the whole thing. I'm definitely aware of the change that college brings, and that chances are it's not going to work being tied to someone in high school during the first year of college. The other part is her perspective though, and I'm not sure if shes thinking that same way. She, whether intentionally or not, is sending some signals that she might be interested in something more. We've been seeing each other in groups or alone like 5 times a week and I'm not sure if us being quiet about things for the duration of the summer is gonna lead to frustration and awkwardness anyway... I'm contemplating the value of coming clean just for the sake of clearing the air?? Not even necessarily to push for some serious long distance relationship. Is that dumb? Any advantages or disadvantages to that??

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When you mention the dynamics of your friendship--realize it has an expiration date, anyway. If either of you gets a love interest, your friendship is not going to be as close and will have to transform to something else, or maybe even end, anyway. Newer relationships that begin in long distance usually don't work out, as it's difficult for both of you to be satisfied. You'd have to be on exactly the same page as to how much communication happens and how often you get together. And during college years, you are exposed to hundreds of attractive people your age and you're bound to be have a connection with some of them. Being unavailable to date them, and being tied to someone you barely see, might become frustrating.

 

That said, most people regret not risking and then look back at the lost opportunity wondering "what if." I'd say go for it. It if works out great. If not, you tried and can move on. Feeling a little awkward for a time is a small price to pay for potential happiness.

 

I regret the times I didn't take a risk earlier on - when there was a chance of something actually happening in the future. The risk that I did take? Where I expressed my feelings while they were headed out the door? Yeah, those I kind of regret.

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