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I found my boyfriend on Tinder and I’m a mess! Really need advice


Shayoo
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My boyfriend had been the most amazing person I believed I could ever find. Until recently he became abusive and started pulling away. He’s on vacation in Russia and I conTcted his cousin to inquire the change in behaviour. He told me my boyfriend was actively using Tinder in 2016 when we were together. I wanted to know the truth and if his profile existed. Since they both were in Russia. I asked the cousin to create a fake profile and swipe to see if he finds it! Guess what? He did send me a screenshot. The bio is around four years old but the distance thing says ( less than a km away).

I want to know if he’s still actively using tinder, he swore and maintained his stance that he doesn’t have tinder on his phone and his cousin is plotting against him. He says the profile is four years old and he never deleted it but he never had the app or ever used it after dating me. I’m just wondering how does tinder say ( less than a km away in the screenshot) if he hasn’t hadn’t the app on his phone since two years.

 

His cousin does have a reason to plot against my boyfriend. He’s 17 years old and suicidal, my boyfriend made him break up with his cheating girlfriend and this is his way of getting back at him.

 

 

I don’t know how Tinder works someone please tell me that while they both are in Russia. Why does it show an updated distance if he didn’t have the app. He swore against cheating and always claimed he is very much against it as it has wrecked his life. I don’t know what to do. How can I ever find out?

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Let me say my bf had several online profiles from before our time together. I have also checked to verify whether he was still on at the beginning of our relationship but quickly realized that if there’s no trust, there’s nothing. Give him the benefit of the doubt unless you find true hard proof he is cheating around. You’ll drive yourself crazy. Let it be and if you can’t, it’s time to move on.

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Well you’ll know. Actions speak louder than words. Just remember that after a while your relationship will transition into a more comfortable stage and all the little things that you were used too in the beginning will wane. I would try to reconnect with him. Plan a trip away just the two of you, or if that’s not possible, spark some romance between the two of you so his desires don’t form elsewhere. My bf and i play an app called happy couple, it’s been great for keeping us connected. Maybe you can start there. Occupy your mind and stop stalking him. :)

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Well, the question isn't if your boyfriend is on Tinder. The question should be about him becoming abusive. Abuse in a relationship just gets worse. It doesn't get better. People don't change, even if they tell you they will. Things get better for a little while, and then they become worse. And if his cousin is suicidal, maybe you shouldn't be hanging around with these people. If you tell us more, people here will help advise you.

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He was lovely at first MA, everything was great. We’d give each other time, go on dates, sexual life was good. He respected me so much and I did the same. However I developed anger issues and I would complain about little things. I overcame it in around 6 months. I stopped getting angry and I stopped doing anything repulsive and so did he. He has been very depressed as he’s jobless since two years but I’ve always stood like a rock by his side. Since the past few weeks he started screaming at me, he said me crying pissed him off, he abused me if I asked him anything. He was in a constant state of denial. I consulted a therapist who said there’s nothing wrong with me and he should be the one taking help. He’s constantly avoiding me, he swears he loves me and he doesn’t take me for granted. When he started to sideline me I asked his cousin if he’s depressed( they were in Russia). Eventually he told my about my boyfriend using tinder on their previous vacation, later he made a fake profile and managed to find my boyfriend on it as well. My bf swears and denies that he doesn’t have the app, but what possible proof could he have when it says the location is ( less than a km away). He can’t seem to convince me only sent pics crying at the airport. I love him and trusted him with eyes closed every thought of him pursuing someone else kills me inside

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Unfortunately you are in an abusive relationship and it's surprising this therapist didn't point this out. Stop chasing him this hard and being a martyr. You are teaching him how to abuse you by doing that and continually tolerating his abuse. Be glad he is away so you can cut things off and find a decent man.

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