Jump to content

Low Self-esteem and Romantic/Sexual Relationships


Amy721
 Share

Recommended Posts

Hi, my name is Amy and I'm 19 years old. During my last spring semester, a guy that I've been crushing on for awhile asked for my number and ended up telling me that he liked me and found me attractive. I was shocked initially and even asked if he was lying because I genuinely know that I'm unattractive/ugly. I don't look like most girls/women my age. I'm 5'6, and I have a slim, toned athletic figure but my face is what I'm mostly insecure about. I have a very young/ baby face and different hairstyles/makeup techniques doesn't help to mature my look more. I'm always mistaken for being 13-15 years of age and never 18+. I'm also very shy/reserved because of my personal insecurities. So anyways, the guy also admitted that he initially noticed me on the first day of school but was nervous to approach me. Immediately after him telling me all of this, we started to get very close to each other. We would always hang out and talk on the phone, but until the day he showed me his true intentions of liking me. He would always ask to kiss and cuddle with me and since I felt physically/sexuallyattracted to him, I started to do that with him. It lasted for about 3-4 months before our semester finished. But then he started asking to have sex with me and when I asked why, he mentioned that I had a very "nice body". I was quite shocked that he would think that because I usually dress very modest with hoodies and jeans everyday for school. I rarely ever wore anything that was considered "revealing". Immediately, i was turned off and felt even more uglier then I already did. I assumed that the guy was genuinely attracted to my face and personality but just him looking at my body like that made me feel uncomfortable. I don't know if I'm thinking rationally about this but I wanted to hear your thoughts and feedback on this. Maybe he was genuinely attracted to my whole appearance but I'm kind of feeling paranoid because I used to hear rumors online and IRL about how some guys will have sex with any kind of girl regardless of how "unattractive" she looked. I guess my insecurities are always going to be in control of what ever happens between me and guys.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's okay, and yes, I've been in therapy before. I actually started going at age 14. Currently, I'm haven't been going because my current therapist is on maternity leave and a part of me isn't sure if continuing would really help.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm unattractive/ugly. I don't look like most girls/women my age. I'm 5'6, and I have a slim, toned athletic figure but my face is what I'm mostly insecure about. I have a very young/ baby face and different hairstyles/makeup techniques doesn't help to mature my look more. I'm always mistaken for being 13-15 years of age and never 18+.

 

Well, first of all, are you kidding? You sound like a real doll! Athletic figure. Young-looking and fresh-faced. You're like an 18-year-old's dream girl.

 

But, the fact that you're trying to hide behind hoodies shows your poor body self-image. Also it sounds like you're not ready for sex for various reasons and you shouldn't let anybody pressure you into it. If you're not ready, it can be an uncomfortable, confusing and scary experience. The guy's just horny. A guy is the horniest from about 16-18, so it's just the hormones talking.

 

In any event, your therapist should have handed you off to a fill-in therapist and you probably need to discuss this entire situation with someone. You can overcome your insecurities, but it's going to take work. All things will come in good time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

OK, so a guy is attracted to you and after 3-4 months of apparently dating he started asking for sex. When you asked "why" he paid you a compliment; albeit a (very) marginally crude one but a compliment nonethless, and that made you feel ugly? What?

 

I am 41 years-old and I've never been in a relationship in which I've had to wait more than 2 months for sex. That is admittedly possibly slightly unusual but hardly bizarre. Let me tell you: this guy likes you. He likes your personality, he likes your face, and, yes, he likes your body. If he were just going for sex he would have lost patience by now. Yeah, he's starting to push for sex--I'm surprised it took him this long--because he's a dude and he has hormones. But he also just really likes you. The longer a guy is willing to wait the more he likes you and the more attractive he finds you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well first of all yes I do think you actually sound attractive. Also I'm 33 but people always tell me I look 25-27 and I AM LOVING IT! lol I get it, when I was a teenager I probably also wanted to seem older but now I realise that once you reach your 30's, it's a gift to look younger. I suppose maybe you're worried that guys think you're just a kid but this guy knows you aren't and he definitely sounds very into you. I think that if he still dated you for four months with basically no sex, chances are he actually likes you as a person. Coz let's be honest any guy can just get sex in a bar or off Tinder or whatever. However, having said that, you don't have to hsve sex just to appease him. You can have sex if and when you feel ready. Sex is a normal part of a relationship where it's about the intimacy and affection as well but to achieve those things it's important to be comfortable with your body, yourself and your sexuality. Oh and your partner of course! What are your general feelings about sex if you don't mind me asking?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

OK, so a guy is attracted to you and after 3-4 months of apparently dating he started asking for sex. When you asked "why" he paid you a compliment; albeit a (very) marginally crude one but a compliment nonethless, and that made you feel ugly? What?

 

I am 41 years-old and I've never been in a relationship in which I've had to wait more than 2 months for sex. That is admittedly possibly slightly unusual but hardly bizarre. Let me tell you: this guy likes you. He likes your personality, he likes your face, and, yes, he likes your body. If he were just going for sex he would have lost patience by now. Yeah, he's starting to push for sex--I'm surprised it took him this long--because he's a dude and he has hormones. But he also just really likes you. The longer a guy is willing to wait the more he likes you and the more attractive he finds you.

The guy and I haven't talked in 3 weeks and I have a feeling he doesn't like me as he claimed or even at all anymore. He's far more attractive than I am so I'm assuming girls are already after him since this summer started. I want to ask him why he ever liked me but I'm afraid he'll say he lost interest from me. He's practically the first guy I've truly had strong feelings for and no other guy could replace him, at least physically. He looks very unique and I'm attracted to that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well first of all yes I do think you actually sound attractive. Also I'm 33 but people always tell me I look 25-27 and I AM LOVING IT! lol I get it, when I was a teenager I probably also wanted to seem older but now I realise that once you reach your 30's, it's a gift to look younger. I suppose maybe you're worried that guys think you're just a kid but this guy knows you aren't and he definitely sounds very into you. I think that if he still dated you for four months with basically no sex, chances are he actually likes you as a person. Coz let's be honest any guy can just get sex in a bar or off Tinder or whatever. However, having said that, you don't have to hsve sex just to appease him. You can have sex if and when you feel ready. Sex is a normal part of a relationship where it's about the intimacy and affection as well but to achieve those things it's important to be comfortable with your body, yourself and your sexuality. Oh and your partner of course! What are your general feelings about sex if you don't mind me asking?

My general feelings about sex is that I would prefer to have it with a guy that I'm genuinely emotionally/mentally connected with more than physically. I obviously would like to be physically and sexually attracted to him but the thought of sex is more than a physical thing for me. It would have to feel very special and intimate because I would be giving my entire body to a guy that mattered to me and vice versa.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, first of all, are you kidding? You sound like a real doll! Athletic figure. Young-looking and fresh-faced. You're like an 18-year-old's dream girl.

 

But, the fact that you're trying to hide behind hoodies shows your poor body self-image. Also it sounds like you're not ready for sex for various reasons and you shouldn't let anybody pressure you into it. If you're not ready, it can be an uncomfortable, confusing and scary experience. The guy's just horny. A guy is the horniest from about 16-18, so it's just the hormones talking.

 

In any event, your therapist should have handed you off to a fill-in therapist and you probably need to discuss this entire situation with someone. You can overcome your insecurities, but it's going to take work. All things will come in good time.

 

My young-looking appearance might be unattractive to guys my age. People always compliment my body and it seems unusual because I'm not very busty or curvaceous. I'm more slim/petite with curves in my waist with elongated legs and neck. Also, wearing my heart in a high ponytail makes me my face look like a baby but for some reason, older men are attracted to it but not guys my age.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...