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Has anyone ever felt like you've met your match but it was bad timing for both of you?

 

How would you approach that situation?

 

Do you cut it as a loss and completely walk away?

 

What if you try to and they won't let you go and you're the one who needs to heal and process things to be better?

 

What kind of things would you do to help if you were that other person and decided to stay?

 

Do you stay in contact risking the effects of emotional unavailability and potentially ruining a good thing because one person or both aren't at their best (though, they're working on getting better? )

 

Would it make it worse to try to stay and "help" them?

 

Would you come back if they asked you to give them space for a certain amount of time?

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Has anyone ever felt like you've met your match but it was bad timing for both of you?

 

How would you approach that situation?

 

I don't believe in 'one true love' so it never mattered.

 

Do you cut it as a loss and completely walk away?

 

I think that makes the most sense.

 

What if you try to and they won't let you go and you're the one who needs to heal and process things to be better?

 

Call the police?

 

What kind of things would you do to help if you were that other person and decided to stay?

 

This is a very specific question that is worded generally. In order to help, I'd need to know what the problem was. If the situation was that the guy just needed to get his head on straight, I wouldn't stick around. I'm not good at being a crutch, and I don't particularly like it either.

 

Do you stay in contact risking the effects of emotional unavailability and potentially ruining a good thing because one person or both aren't at their best (though, they're working on getting better? )

 

No way. "Working on" = "Not working." It's the same thing as "trying to"--no such thing. It doesn't take more than 5 minutes to "try" something. You either do or you don't.

 

Would it make it worse to try to stay and "help" them?

 

How could it not? You'd get stuck taking care of a grown man.

 

Would you come back if they asked you to give them space for a certain amount of time?

 

I highly doubt it.

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Best not to get stuck on the idea that someone is perfect for you, even if poor circumstances pulled you apart. Whether they really are an ideal partner or not, the two of you are still incompatible, and it would be silly to put your life on hold. NC is definitely best for healing and moving on.

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I don't believe in "one true Love" either. I used to believe in soulmates and was proven otherwise. It makes more sense that you're compatible with more than just one person. I'm a monogamous person so when I say "the one" I see it as a person I picked out of all the people I'm possibly compatible with.

 

This is completely hypothetical--- I have nobody in particular in mind. Just curious.

 

You get along with this person so well when you're having a good day and if you didn't have this problem everyday could probably be a good one. What if you try to walk away with no hard feelings? Is it possible to walk away without your sense of pride taking a hit? You understand you're not in a place in your life where you're ready to date, you'd like to but know that it wouldn't work because of your battle with depression. That you're getting help for somewhere else. This other person goes on and on about how it's possible. How "we're possible." You can't see what this person is trying to say to you. You don't see it because of how crippling depression is most days. It just sounds like pretty words to you and they're really hard to hold onto when you can't bring yourself to believe it no matter how much you would want to. They won't let you go because they want to stay in your life and try to help but wind up making things worse because you asked them to go. Now they resent you for it and how stubborn you are. Would there be any coming back from that?

 

-and another-

 

There is a man showing a high amount of interest in you. Talked to you every day. Messaged you multiple times a day sometimes all day. Knew your schedule and was accommodating. He prioritized talking to you everyday. He understood you better than anyone else. He listened to your problems and expressed how much he cared about you. The only problem is he couldn't seem to commit to a meet-up or talk to you in person. He pretty much treated you like the two of you were in a relationship when you realized this wasn't a real relationship. You continued to talk to him because he's a good guy. He cares about you and you grew to care for him too. You're just really fed up with how you feel he's just dangling you on a string. He wants you to just go with the flow, you just can't. You feel like he is wasting your time and the emotional affair heads south after that. He's upset because you saw other people while the two of you got to know each other and really hated it. You couldn't understand why because it's not like he's making the effort to come see you or spend actual time with you and really be a boyfriend. You realize you're better off walking away and calling it for what it is. After some time, he steps up and makes more of an effort. Do you give him a chance?

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I've had this with the same guy for years. It sucks. We hang out loads for a while and then stop talking for a while, and then only start up again at the exact wrong times. The way I see it is we'll either stop talking for good eventually, or we'll eventually meet up at the right time and see what happens. It always gets a bit too complicated for us. It's such a shame but thats the way life goes sometimes. If it's too painful you need to distance yourself from it before it totally sours.

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Some of this is so extremely focused for a hypothetical relationship. I'm not doubting that these scenarios are hypothetical, but I wonder if you sense that they are frequent patterns for you in your relationships.

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Yeah I guess, there's some sort of pattern. I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to dating.

 

I've only been in 2 relationships and they happened naturally. The first was at 18 the second was at 23. Both toxic (me as the common denominator ;)~)There was minimal time in between and hardly any courting involved. Both of them basically said "You're mine." and I went with it.

 

I only started dating for the first time 2 or 3 years ago. I've only been on 6 actual dates with 5 different guys.

#1 was a co-worker in a po-dunk county, Florida where nothing was open so I ended up at his place drinking Sam Adams and sleeping with him. He took me to the beach a week later and had a blast fishing, I really liked his dog, then he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship after asking him how he felt about me (rookie mistake) I was pretty sad about it. He was so handsome.

#2 was to the movies to see Star Wars and listening to him vent about his marriage falling apart. After sleeping with him, told me he wasn't ready for a relationship so I ghosted him.

#3- a meetup off of craigslist-- we went to a restaurant so he could have a milkshake, went back to his place, and was ghosted. granted, you go to craigslist for hookups not potential boyfriends. He was pretty forthcoming about it. So even though the night really sucked and he was kind of an ungentlemanly , lesson learned and I wasn't too broken up about it. I just felt soooo dirty afterward and not a good kind either. He was hurting I don't fault him too much. I walked right into it.

#4 Found me on Facebook through an acquaintance. He said he "might as well give it a shot" because he thought i was pretty. I really didn't want to date him, so I turned him down several times and finally agreed to go out with him because I'm too ducking kind. He was a total gentleman, ex military, not bad looking I just wasn't attracted. We went to get Mediterranean food I paid for myself, we had a great conversation, I told him about my obsession with Jim Carrey movies and stopped talking to him after he told me we were bonding or something coupple-ish like that. It freaked me out because I really didn't want to date anyone or felt any attraction for him so I blocked him.

#5 I met at my job and he would talk to me through out most of my shift for 4 days--bringing me raspberry zingers and gummy bears every time. On day 5, I agreed to go out with him and gave him my number, we had a pretty great chemistry, we were a lot a like (kinda creepy), amazing kisser, he took me to lunch, great conversation, hung out with me the entire day, bought me a jam speaker, spent the night, then headed out to California back to his wife and kids

 

All 5 times I felt like I was just a hole to poke. It only took 5 times and I've finally learned my lesson to keep my cookie in my pants and avoid sharing so I don't get hurt or confused. I'm better off single.

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Yep, seems to be my M.O.

With these experiences though, I realized I'm not ready for anything and need to work on my confidence and saying "no" instead of being so darn easy going when it comes to a matter like dating.

I learned a guy and a girl can not be friends when one is attracted to the other and feelings aren't mutual.

I throw myself into it thinking I am ready. Then regret it.

When I do get into a relationship, it is with the intention of it not ending until one of us die so there's a scary thought for you. I am 100% invested once a man has me locked down and it takes a LOT to give up on it.

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Why not let a therapist help you navigate this impulsiveness, lack of self-respect and self undermining behavior? Or just keep communicating with catfish and getting drunk with craigslist hookups...up to you.

I realized I'm not ready for anything and need to work on my confidence and saying "no" instead of being so darn easy going when it comes to a matter like dating.
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I'm broke and I do not have insurance so therapy or hiring a life coach is not an option for me. Also their judgmental mindsets toward me really wind up bothering me and tend to be more critical than constructive. They say they're not I don't believe it for a second. Also, the search for a therapist I'd actually like or get along with is tedious. I'm over my childhood and my past and so done talking about it or thinking back to it. I've been finding round-about ways to do things to get results thanks to the world wide web.

 

My biggest issue is when it comes to men, relationships, and now dating. I've focused solely on it since my last relationship was on a decline.

Dating is hard and confusing for me. I experiment, I question, I read (not in that order). I'm used to things just coming along and happening naturally.

 

It seems these days you have to sell yourself to get a relationship. I know nothing about marketing and I'm pretty bad at sales.

 

I never said anything about getting drunk and at least being someone who is self-aware, the experiences I go through due to my impulsiveness-- I have some pretty profound breakthroughs. It's not like I'm meeting people off of the internet everyday and looking to escape my problems seeking validation through sex or multiple dates from an online dating app.

Those incidents happened over the course of 3 years and I learned so much from it. It really sucked going through all of it. I'm so so so thankful for the lessons I've learned.

Why they didn't last and why they never stuck around-- It just didn't work out. I wasn't "compatible" with those men.

 

I've been through some really strange experiences with men and honestly, I'm sifting through these threads and coming up with my own questions to become more aware. No matter how weird it sounds.

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Then it would be best to stop communicating with catfish or coming on to other women's husbands and bfs. Stay single or date single real-life people. No one needs to sell anything. These are all excuses you tell yourself.

My biggest issue is when it comes to men, relationships, and now dating. Dating is hard and confusing for me.It seems these days you have to sell yourself to get a relationship.
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All 5 times I felt like I was just a hole to poke. It only took 5 times and I've finally learned my lesson to keep my cookie in my pants and avoid sharing so I don't get hurt or confused. I'm better off single.

 

You do seem to be attracted to awful situations.

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