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ARE YOU SUICIDAL? if so, what do you want them to say?


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Ive dealt with suicide SO many times in my life. I havent had a thought for around a year. Maybe I'll tell my story later on a different post, but something that I remember happening when I was VERY suicidal, was everyone told me "Dont do it". It ALWAYS pissed me off. I'd think to myself, "why not?" and then people would say, "You're an idiot", or "Your selfish", and none of them I wanted to here, and it always just made me want to do it more. It wasn't until years later until I read something in a book that changed my mindset.

 

But Im curious, if you're currently suicidal, whats one or two things you WISH someone would say to you. and if they did maybe it would change your mind?

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The best move, in my opinion, is to ask the person why they want to kill themselves. Then, all you need to do is listen.

 

Trying to convince someone against the decision is a waste of time. A lot of people want to kill themselves because they are in an unbearable amount of pain. Every day they wake up and have to face the pain and suffering over and over again. It's important to acknowledge that their reasons for wanting to end their life are good reasons. Belittling a person by calling them selfish or telling them their reasons are silly will cause them to shut down and refuse to speak on the matter.

 

Once you've truly listened to the person, you can offer yourself as support. Most of the time suicidal thoughts are momentary, or at least they do not last forever. Providing solace and hope is the only way to save a person who does not see the light on the other side, until the feeling is given a chance to pass.

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The best move, in my opinion, is to ask the person why they want to kill themselves. Then, all you need to do is listen.

 

Trying to convince someone against the decision is a waste of time. A lot of people want to kill themselves because they are in an unbearable amount of pain. Every day they wake up and have to face the pain and suffering over and over again. It's important to acknowledge that their reasons for wanting to end their life are good reasons. Belittling a person by calling them selfish or telling them their reasons are silly will cause them to shut down and refuse to speak on the matter.

 

Once you've truly listened to the person, you can offer yourself as support. Most of the time suicidal thoughts are momentary, or at least they do not last forever. Providing solace and hope is the only way to save a person who does not see the light on the other side, until the feeling is given a chance to pass.

 

I agree. Hope is so important!

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100% what SGH said. As someone who deals with long-term depression I can tell you what I don't want to hear:

 

-"It's selfish to kill yourself; think about all the people who will grieve for you." Let me flip the script here, I think it's incredibly selfish to want someone to live in any sort of long-term pain just because a set group of people can't handle loss. Now I understand that depending on the situation, suicide is probably not the answer. But if someone has tried everything and they are in immense physical or emotional pain where they can't make it go away or their giving up....I feel it's their body and their right to do whatever they want. I don't think it's right to make them feel bad for making a decision they didn't come to lightly.

 

-"If you're ever in pain, call the suicide hotline" Yes, we all know about the suicide hotline and it's not going to solve any long-term issues

 

I know people want to help and no one wants to see anyone take their own life, especially someone close to you...but unless you've been in their shoes, don't pretend you know or understand the solution. Sometimes these things aren't temporary. All you can do is offer to listen and show your support. Show much you care for them; Most times that will be enough.

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The best move, in my opinion, is to ask the person why they want to kill themselves. Then, all you need to do is listen.

 

Trying to convince someone against the decision is a waste of time. A lot of people want to kill themselves because they are in an unbearable amount of pain. Every day they wake up and have to face the pain and suffering over and over again. It's important to acknowledge that their reasons for wanting to end their life are good reasons. Belittling a person by calling them selfish or telling them their reasons are silly will cause them to shut down and refuse to speak on the matter.

 

Once you've truly listened to the person, you can offer yourself as support. Most of the time suicidal thoughts are momentary, or at least they do not last forever. Providing solace and hope is the only way to save a person who does not see the light on the other side, until the feeling is given a chance to pass.

 

^This is great.

 

SUICIDE. IS. NOT. SELFISH. Anyone who says so has not truly been there and is just adding to the stigma around suicide that stops people being more open about their feelings and asking for help.

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I recently told my ex... Suicide is selfish because it hurts the people you leave behind, but I am not saying I don't understand it. Tomorrow is always another chance to make things better...
Someone should suffer so you can sleep better that night, what does that make you?
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I recently told my ex... Suicide is selfish because it hurts the people you leave behind, but I am not saying I don't understand it. Tomorrow is always another chance to make things better...

 

Well telling someone that suicide is selfish is absolutely not helpful!!!

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I'm glad this thread is here as most people just do not want to deal with the topic yet it should be brought more to light. It's when you feel isolated or have noone to talk to about it is when the danger ramps up...

 

I watched some videos on YT on people who had bridge jumped and survived, and they basically said that as soon as they let go of the railing they regretted their decision.

 

I've been very close a few times in the last few months and what I've found is that even when your on your way, halfway through the attempt, there is still a deep seated instinct that wants to keep you alive...and a lot of the time, does....

 

Apparently only about 1 in 20 attempts is successful....and someone succeeds every 1 minute somewhere in the world...

 

Sadly it's something that seems to be on the rise too*

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^This is great.

 

SUICIDE. IS. NOT. SELFISH. Anyone who says so has not truly been there and is just adding to the stigma around suicide that stops people being more open about their feelings and asking for help.

 

Having personally known a couple people who committed suicide and seeing the aftermath. . I believe it is selfish.

Not to minimize the pain they must be suffering. If you are human you have had those low times. Some more than others.

 

I can't imagine how low you have to go and for how long until you get to the point you feel this is your last option. It must be a pain that we can't even fathom. It's very sad.

 

But those left behind not only grieve the profound loss, they personalize it. What did they do? What could they have done differently? The questions are endless.

 

They feel a sense of responsibility and guilt for the person having had made that choice. If the loss wasn't difficult enough to deal with, to some degree those left behind never forgive themselves for that persons choice.

stops people being more open about their feelings and asking for help - But have taken your life the opportunity to help someone has passed. I think some people have an understanding of how it impacts those left behind and they think twice before doing it and seek help because of it.

 

But to answer the question. . I agree with asking them why and going from there. It's basic human nature to want to heard and understood.

Edited by reinventmyself
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Well according to this site it's emotional blackmail for even talking about my thoughts of suicide, so may as well have kept my mouth shut and suffered in silence.

 

Some people just lack the compassion and comprehension to understand the complexities of what it's like to be in that situation.

 

 

 

And this is coming from someone who had an ex-partner hang suicide over his head for years, if he ever left her.

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It's not emotional blackmail to discuss feelings of suicide. It's emotional blackmail to threaten suicide when someone wants to end a relationship with you, even if in that moment you truly feel you have nothing to live for. People have a right to end romantic involvements despite how the other person copes with the decision. Most people who breakup with a partner still care about the person deeply and would be absolutely destroyed by their ex-partner taking their life in grief.

 

With the exception of the above situation, it's important to reach out to a trusted support (if one is available). It is my experience that most people find the topic of suicide profoundly uncomfortable, which is why it must be talked about. It is sadly quite common to experience suicidal thoughts, and if society stopped stigmatizing the experience, more individuals would get the support they need.

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It's not emotional blackmail to discuss feelings of suicide.

 

Agreed, except I've been told otherwise here when I've tried seeking support.

 

 

It's emotional blackmail to threaten suicide when someone wants to end a relationship with you...

 

Agreed. As I said, I've been on the receiving end.

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Agreed, except I've been told otherwise here when I've tried seeking support.

 

 

 

 

Agreed. As I said, I've been on the receiving end.

 

It’s emotional blackmail to discuss suicide, IMO, if you bring it up when someone doesn’t want to hang out with you or do something you want to do. If you mention it in order to change the outcome, that’s emotional blackmail.

 

I’m not saying you do that, by the way. Just giving my two cents.

 

I agree with Kat. Your life appears to be balanced on the surface which, in my inexperienced opinion, makes me think chemical imbalance.

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You continuously critique others to read your posts closer.

 

Go back and read my post closer and see if it answers your question.

 

Yes, I read the bit about "not saying you do that", but since you mentioned about people not wanting to hang out etc, I thought you were applying it to my circumstances. :)

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Suicide does not relieve your pain - it only passes the pain on to others - your family and other loved ones. I don't care if that is emotional blackmail if it prevents someone from taking their life. There are many people who with psychiatric help or even medical help who do turn themselves around. Maybe it involves a loved one stepping in and committing them or taking them into their home to keep watch. There are people who are suicidal because the drugs they are taking influences their thoughts as well.

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Well we are glad you're still here too!

 

Thanks! I am glad to be out the other side. 😀 It took a lot of work on my end and people loving me regardless and me learning to appreciate myself. I will forever thank 2 counsellors who literally saved my life in 2012/13.

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  • 4 weeks later...

The last thing I want to hear is "Don't do it" or "it's the cowardly way out". Especially if they don't even want to hear why. I wish I had someone, anyone, in my life who would just say "it's okay I'll take the wheel for now

I first tried to commit suicide when I was 10. I'm now 33 and have attempted it more times than I can remember. I wake up everyday sad that I have yo go another 24 hrs. I now hate myself for not having the courage to use a gun. I'm not living, I'm just existing. Sorry to be such a downer.

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