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My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 4 years. We have a son together and are saving for a house. We’re also happy in our relationship. Seven months ago we bought an engagement ring (I picked it out). It’s been sitting in his drawer since then. We’ve talked about the proposal and the only thing I’ve told him is I want it to be private. Well, yesterday he attempted to propose. He put no thought into it. His family is visiting from out of town and thought he’d use them as a sitter for our son. He took me for a walk on the bay. You couldn’t see the water and stopped me beside a huge drainage ditch. He asked me if he could ask me a question and I responded with not today. I feel like I deserve something with a little thought. I also thought if he has been saving it for that long that he would make it special. I don’t expect something grand but something better than that. Just wondering someone else’s thoughts.

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Well, what do you really want? To be married to him or to have him ask the question in a way you see fit?

 

I wouldn't have outright rejected his attempt like that, no. But I have the impression you feel he could put more effort into the relationship in general - is that accurate?

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Erm... you say he put no thought into it, but actually he'd planned a time when your son was taken care of - keeping it private, just like you asked. It was hardly his fault that you couldn't see the water in the bay!

 

For what it's worth, romance is something which comes from within - a statement of a deep connection between two people - and really the surroundings and details are irrelevant.

 

One of the happiest couples I know, who have been married for years, got engaged at a festival. It was a very stormy, rainy night and the place was knee-deep in mud. They didn't have a ring, so he gave her a hair-elastic to put on her finger instead. Special? You bet!

 

The point I'm making is that the specialness of the occasion is about your feelings for each other, and the desire to celebrate those feelings, not about external circumstances. If I were you I'd try to step back from your ungracious refusal to accept his proposal...

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Maybe all the white horses were rented out that night lol.

 

 

I know a few women have been waiting for over 10 years for a proposal and none in sight......be grateful.

 

 

If it were me I would surprise HIM! and make it special that way. Wouldn't that be a twist lol.

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I am someone who is very idealist. Unfortunately I wanted the grand 'engagement' moment and my husband just isn't that guy. He bought the ring and just handed me the box. It was the most anti climax moment of my life. I look back now and I wish he'd made an effort. But really its shown me what I've had for 17 years, a guy who doesn't exactly make an effort for anything.

 

What your boyfriend did was quiet and sutble and obviously something that he had thought about. It may not have been the grand moment that you had in your head but it was something he felt you'd appreciate. I actually would have loved my husband to have taken me for a walk and asked me like that. Just because I do appreciate the simple things. Don't be too hard on him but perhaps talk to him about your feelings. Then he might understand why you said not now.

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I know an over the top, throwing a surprise party with family after a horse-drawn carriage proposals, and they broke up before the wedding.

 

But who am I kidding! My eldest bro proposed on the top of the Empire State Building, and planned for months. Same with my second bro who looked for the perfect ring for six months, learning all about diamonds, then proposed to her in Europe on the Spanish Steps. Both were surprises. And they both are very happily married.

 

As much as we want romance, you have to really think, is this guy romantic to begin with? They just don't turn romantic!!! Either you love him for the way he is, or you don't. Cuz, lady, you aren't going to get a romantic proposal from a man you've always known to not be.

 

My hubby proposed with a Taco Bell packet that said, "Will you marry me?" with no ring. And darn it, I wish I got an engagement ring, and a big to do proposal. And this really still bothers me because it also affects how he plans date nights, which is never.

 

Your guy actually arranged babysitting, a romantic walk, and had the nerve to ask, and you said, "not like this," but you asked for private. Ugh, cross-messages there. If I were you, I'd get him an engagement present, and propose to him. If you love him, marry the dude, not the proposal.

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My son planned this grand moment for 7 mo's. On the London Bridge at Lake Havasu. 30 of us showed up for the weekend to surprise them. As we hid in different locations, my son and his gf went across to the bridge to the middle. (Her grandparents got engaged on the same bridge when it was still in the UK)

 

Our queue to come out was went my son launched the drone with an app from his phone It was 110 degrees that day and his phone was overheating and he couldn't launch the drone.

 

His brother and dad were late and passed under the bridge coming out the other side in plain site. Kristine asking `what are your brother and dad doing here?'

 

I can go on with all the other things that went wrong with the grand plan that day. At some point she knew what was up.

 

My sons frusterated words for the proposal ended up being something like:

`Ah F*** it, will you marry me?' He went down on one knee only to immediately pop back up because of the searing hot pavement

 

The weekend celebration was a blast and I complimented my future DIL on her sense of humor, seeing she will always remember her proposal with the words:

`Ah, F* it'

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I agree with the other posters. You already have a son, you picked out the ring so it is no surprise. And you told him you wanted it to be private. How is there no thought in this? “Not today”. What?! You’ll be lucky if he ever tries this again. That’s humiliating to him. He is trying to make your family an official unit and you turned that down. Do you know how many women would beg to be in your position? He wants to make an official family with you and your son. And you shut him down. I could go on but it wouldn’t be very nice so I will end it with that.

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OP, from what you described, it sounded like he put quite a bit of thought and effort into it! I’m wondering what troubled you exactly, the fact he proposed to you by the bay (which sounds quite romantic and beautiful), or that he did it in front of a “drainage ditch”, which for me I wouldn't have even noticed (and would suspect neither did he).

 

I would have noticed and focused on the beautiful bay, his presence and his thoughtful proposal. And would have been over the moon! Assuming I wanted to marry him.

 

Please clarify cause frankly I'm shaking my head at all this.

 

In any event, given your reaction, you sound quite demanding, I could say worse but don’t want to offend (although I suspect you already are given the other responses).

 

And I’m sure this incident isn’t the first time either – it would seem this is your nature/personality, shaming him, shutting him down and not appreciating his efforts to please you and make things special. I mean your response “No, not today,” what was that anyway? Do you want to marry him or not? Ugh.

 

As such I’m am really surprised he has chosen to date you for FOUR years.

 

In fact I am shocked, and am almost inclined to think you are a troll, because no woman, at least that I know, would have reacted that way to man she is in love with and wants to marry (or claims to want to marry) nor would any man (in his right mind) have continued dating a woman with this type of nature and personality for FOUR years.

 

I apologize for the harshness of my post, but seriously girl, wow!

Edited by katrina1980
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