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My wife and I have a 4 month old. She has decided that she doesn’t want me posting any photos of our child on social media like Facebook and Instagram. She is convinced that it is unsafe and puts our child and family at risk. Not only does she not want any photos of our kid online, but she’s extended this to any photo of our family or her individually. I completely disagree with this policy. I am aware of the dangers of online predators and information security. But, I just don’t think posting a photo of me and my son on Facebook will result in the worst case scenario. I want to be able to share my life with my friends and family, and I don’t think an occasional post is that big of a deal.

 

She has taken a hard line on this issue. No budging, no compromise, no nothing. I feel like she doesn’t care about my feelings and what I want. While I empathize with her concerns, I think her position is really extreme. If she could have her way, she’s have me leave social media all together. I’m not going to do that. It’s how I stay connected with the people I care about. We just had a conversation about this and she left the room angry and in tears.

 

I don’t know what to do here. I feel like she is encroaching on my life, interests and preferences. Far too often it’s “her way or the highway” and to be frank, I’m kind of tired of it. I usually appease and give her what she wants just to keep the peace. This time I just can’t do it. I have to stand up for myself. I’ve already changed so much in my life to accommodate her preferences and sensitivities- no matter how different that are from what I want.

 

Advice?

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I have a FB account that is private. I have a few family & friends on there that I share my life with & thats it. I certainly dont like everyone knowing my business, but I also love to share great moments with my family & friends.

He is your Son as well & I would want to see pics of him if I was in your family.

I would post the pics & keep them private to just your FB freinds, and let your Wife deal with it.

She sounds like a dominating control freak & it looks like you have just let her treat you accordingly.

It is probably time you stand up to her.

Good luck!

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I think she has a right to say if HER image goes on your social media and that should be respected. Is your social media locked down to just friends and family? If so I don’t think the occasional pic of your son is going to be a massive issue. I would discuss with her that a family is a TEAM activity and not an autocracy.

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I'm a person who no longer uses social media, so my response is likely biased, but why is THIS the issue you are choosing to confront? You can send pictures of your child to friends and family that would like to see him without making your wife uncomfortable. While I don't necessarily think it will put your son at risk, I have never come up with a good reason why people slap pictures of their children all over social media. I also agree with Seraphim that she definitely has a right to decline her own photo to be on the website. Following that logic, the child should have a say as well, but at this point cannot for obvious reasons.

 

I guess my point is, if you're frustrated with your wife due to her controlling behaviors, address your concerns with an issue that matters more than whether or not you put pictures on Facebook.

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If your account is set up as private then I dont see the harm in pix of you and your baby. If she doesnt want her pic on there, that's her choice. She sounds like a control freak to me and to end up crying over this sounds ridiculous. You are a tougher person than me to put up with her.

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I'm a person who no longer uses social media, so my response is likely biased, but why is THIS the issue you are choosing to confront? You can send pictures of your child to friends and family that would like to see him without making your wife uncomfortable. While I don't necessarily think it will put your son at risk, I have never come up with a good reason why people slap pictures of their children all over social media. I also agree with Seraphim that she definitely has a right to decline her own photo to be on the website. Following that logic, the child should have a say as well, but at this point cannot for obvious reasons.

 

I guess my point is, if you're frustrated with your wife due to her controlling behaviors, address your concerns with an issue that matters more than whether or not you put pictures on Facebook.

 

This.

If you want to share your child with close friends/family, you have their number. Send it there. This fight for social media is somewhat ridiculous to me. You’re dividing your marriage over it and I think it’s silly. Even if your wife was fine with it what do you get from it? A like? A comment? That can be obtained by sending to close family and friends.

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Not going to lie, I’ll be the same as your wife too once I have my baby. I said the same thing to my husband. Go ahead and call me a control freak, but my family’s safety and privacy comes first.

 

A few years ago, I wouldn’t have cared about showing pictures of myself or my child if I had one. However with the news of social media sharing private data and information to companies without authorization and now face recognition software that the government can use, I have lost trust in utilizing technology. Social media has transformed our society into a 1984-Orwellian survelliance system. Convenience now comes with a price. Mark Cukerberg had to testify in front of congress because his company jeopardized the privacy of millions of users to FOREIGN businesses. Even though your profile maybe private, it still isn’t 100% secured. Anyone can hack it, from a joy cyber hacker to a digital forensic scientist.

 

Also photos taken from phones can contain location data of places you’ve been to, including where you live. I remember watching a news special of an anchorman using pictures posted online of a mother and child and tracking them to their home.

 

I would find a different way to send or share photos with family. There’s always email or text messaging. If they want to see your kid they can always visit. Sure your wife has the right to say she doesn’t want pictures of her posted, but why is photo consent different for a child? Shouldn’t we be teaching our kids responsibility of using technology and being mindful of things we post and share online? I work with teenagers and had two who have ran into legal problems over posting/sharing photos off their phones.

Edited by Snny
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Absolutely. It's not a smart thing to do with kids. Your feelings are not as important as the security of your wife and family. It's also disrespectful to her to post pics on your social media when she requested that you do not. What about her right to privacy vs. your need to overexpose her and your family on social media? Just send family pics to your family/people privately through messaging, whats the problem?

She is convinced that it is unsafe and puts our child and family at risk. Not only does she not want any photos of our kid online, but she’s extended this to any photo of our family or her individually.
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The bigger issue is this:

 

I’ve already changed so much in my life to accommodate her preferences and sensitivities- no matter how different that are from what I want.

 

When reading that sentence, I sense you feel you have been coerced into changing. Please correct me if I am wrong.

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Pick your battles. Marriage and kids and getting older changes your life and you, yes. Also marriage is a compromise not just "what you want". Assert yourself on important issues, but digging your heels in about plastering her and your family pics on social media to the point she's in tears is silly and a bit selfish and cruel.

I feel like she is encroaching on my life, interests and preferences. I usually appease and give her what she wants just to keep the peace. I’ve already changed so much in my life to accommodate her preferences and sensitivities- no matter how different that are from what I want.
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My wife and I have a 4 month old. She has decided that she doesn’t want me posting any photos of our child on social media like Facebook and Instagram. She is convinced that it is unsafe and puts our child and family at risk. Not only does she not want any photos of our kid online, but she’s extended this to any photo of our family or her individually. I completely disagree with this policy. I am aware of the dangers of online predators and information security. But, I just don’t think posting a photo of me and my son on Facebook will result in the worst case scenario. I want to be able to share my life with my friends and family, and I don’t think an occasional post is that big of a deal.

 

She has taken a hard line on this issue. No budging, no compromise, no nothing. I feel like she doesn’t care about my feelings and what I want. While I empathize with her concerns, I think her position is really extreme. If she could have her way, she’s have me leave social media all together. I’m not going to do that. It’s how I stay connected with the people I care about. We just had a conversation about this and she left the room angry and in tears.

 

I don’t know what to do here. I feel like she is encroaching on my life, interests and preferences. Far too often it’s “her way or the highway” and to be frank, I’m kind of tired of it. I usually appease and give her what she wants just to keep the peace. This time I just can’t do it. I have to stand up for myself. I’ve already changed so much in my life to accommodate her preferences and sensitivities- no matter how different that are from what I want.

 

Advice?

 

Several of my friends do Facebook groups where they share photos only with people exclusively invited into the group. Is she okay if you text message or email photos? I wouldn't use Instagram; way too public.

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My wife and I have a 4 month old. She has decided that she doesn’t want me posting any photos of our child on social media like Facebook and Instagram. She is convinced that it is unsafe and puts our child and family at risk. Not only does she not want any photos of our kid online, but she’s extended this to any photo of our family or her individually. I completely disagree with this policy. I am aware of the dangers of online predators and information security. But, I just don’t think posting a photo of me and my son on Facebook will result in the worst case scenario. I want to be able to share my life with my friends and family, and I don’t think an occasional post is that big of a deal.

 

She has taken a hard line on this issue. No budging, no compromise, no nothing. I feel like she doesn’t care about my feelings and what I want. While I empathize with her concerns, I think her position is really extreme. If she could have her way, she’s have me leave social media all together. I’m not going to do that. It’s how I stay connected with the people I care about. We just had a conversation about this and she left the room angry and in tears.

 

I don’t know what to do here. I feel like she is encroaching on my life, interests and preferences. Far too often it’s “her way or the highway” and to be frank, I’m kind of tired of it. I usually appease and give her what she wants just to keep the peace. This time I just can’t do it. I have to stand up for myself. I’ve already changed so much in my life to accommodate her preferences and sensitivities- no matter how different that are from what I want.

 

Advice?

 

We don't post pictures of our child on Facebook. He is now 9. I agree with your wife in general. And in reality we've made the following exceptions - a photo in a newspaper of my son and me, from the back, private groups we are in related to his schools/camps/extracurricular because on balance I like that he gets to see himself in the photos they post in the group and would feel badly if he was cropped out of each photo. Sometimes we let family members post photos he is in, without tagging him. Sometimes i have removed tags(of my name -he does not have a Facebook). Difference is my husband and I agreed. I am very concerned about all the photos I see posted both because of safety and potential embarrassment to the child. I sent photos of our child via text and email to friends and family -and they don't forward the photos or post them, otherwise I would not do it.

 

As a side note I often find it overkill and braggy when there are too many photos.

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Nothing is going to happen posting 1 or 2 pics especially if the profile is private.
I lean toward this. Biggest risk you're likely taking is your kid being used as a stock photo without your permission. But honestly... is your kid really that cute?

 

Speaking personally, I'd simply rather not have to reconcile with being married to that guy / gal who floods the facebook feed with pictures no one asked for of their kid, and it could be where she leans.

 

Still, I too think it's an arbitrary place to draw a line in the sand. I'm sure you could send a group text with pics to those in the family with an actual reason to be invested in your kid.

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I lean toward this. Biggest risk you're likely taking is your kid being used as a stock photo without your permission. But honestly... is your kid really that cute?

 

Speaking personally, I'd simply rather not have to reconcile with being married to that guy / gal who floods the facebook feed with pictures no one asked for of their kid, and it could be where she leans.

 

Still, I too think it's an arbitrary place to draw a line in the sand. I'm sure you could send a group text with pics to those in the family with an actual reason to be invested in your kid.

 

It's not about cute. It's about misuse of photos, especially childrens' photos for various reasons. Or they can be doctored up, etc. I already. a number of times, have been added to Facebook groups without my permission. As soon as I realize, I leave the group, but there are times when I don't log on regularly and so by analogy I wouldn't know whether my account was hacked, or photos tagged of my child (i.e. if i post untagged photos). And it's the child's decision as to his/her social media presence. Two of my friends have young children who are male and who prefer to wear girls' clothes. There are a number of photos posted of them in dresses and they are under five. They may even agree to the photo or want the photo but they also might not know what they're agreeing to and perhaps someday they won't want photos of them floating around if it ends up just being a phase they go through. The parents are really proud of themselves for giving their children the freedom to experiment, to dare to be different and perhaps to be who they are permanently -meaning some form of transgender/crossdressing, whatever. But shouldn't that be the child's choice and where do you draw the line?

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And it's the child's decision as to his/her social media presence. Two of my friends have young children who are male and who prefer to wear girls' clothes. There are a number of photos posted of them in dresses and they are under five. They may even agree to the photo or want the photo but they also might not know what they're agreeing to and perhaps someday they won't want photos of them floating around if it ends up just being a phase they go through. The parents are really proud of themselves for giving their children the freedom to experiment, to dare to be different and perhaps to be who they are permanently -meaning some form of transgender/crossdressing, whatever. But shouldn't that be the child's choice and where do you draw the line?

BINGO.

 

Like I said in my last response, why should consent be different for our children when it comes to posting materials online? It's their personal identity being shared without their acknowledgement or awareness.

 

Almost everyone has had an embarrassing childhood photo at some point in their lives, even if parents don't find it so. I had some photos like that... no way would I want those ended up on the internet. Once you put something up online, it is there permanently even if you delete it. I had a digital forensic scientist tell me once that data is permanently gone and can be revived. Social media has a funny way of storing personal data without consent in case they ever have to turn it over to legal authorities.

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Exactly. It seems your wife is more tech savvy than you. The images belong to instagram, fb etc once they are out there, even if deleted. It isn't even about a debate regarding internet security, as important as that is. It's not driving your wife to tears because you won't respect her rights over her own and your kids' images. Plaster whatever you want wherever you want about yourself and your own images. Send kid's photos to your people through the multitude of messaging platforms available.

Once you put something up online, it is there permanently even if you delete it. I had a digital forensic scientist tell me once that data is permanently gone and can be revived.
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I agree with your wife on this issue in general.

 

If there's problems in your relationship though regarding communicating and working as a team , that's what needs addressing rather than choosing this particular fight as a battle ground.

 

My guy and I have had several conversations about social media for us as a couple and for when a child joins our family. A good chunk of his work involves managing social media and all he has to say for my viewpoints is 'that's valid, absolutely'

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My wife and I have a 4 month old. She has decided that she doesn’t want me posting any photos of our child on social media like Facebook and Instagram. She is convinced that it is unsafe and puts our child and family at risk. Not only does she not want any photos of our kid online, but she’s extended this to any photo of our family or her individually. I completely disagree with this policy. I am aware of the dangers of online predators and information security. But, I just don’t think posting a photo of me and my son on Facebook will result in the worst case scenario. I want to be able to share my life with my friends and family, and I don’t think an occasional post is that big of a deal.

 

She has taken a hard line on this issue. No budging, no compromise, no nothing. I feel like she doesn’t care about my feelings and what I want. While I empathize with her concerns, I think her position is really extreme. If she could have her way, she’s have me leave social media all together. I’m not going to do that. It’s how I stay connected with the people I care about. We just had a conversation about this and she left the room angry and in tears.

 

I don’t know what to do here. I feel like she is encroaching on my life, interests and preferences. Far too often it’s “her way or the highway” and to be frank, I’m kind of tired of it. I usually appease and give her what she wants just to keep the peace. This time I just can’t do it. I have to stand up for myself. I’ve already changed so much in my life to accommodate her preferences and sensitivities- no matter how different that are from what I want.

 

Advice?

 

The compromise is that you are allowed to text or email kid photos to your parents, close relatives like siblings. This is safer and keeps them off social media.

I agree with your wife 100% on this. Also, he is 4 months old --- she just had a baby. Give it time. Comply with her wishes and then revisit it as the child gets older.

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BINGO.

 

Like I said in my last response, why should consent be different for our children when it comes to posting materials online? It's their personal identity being shared without their acknowledgement or awareness.

 

Almost everyone has had an embarrassing childhood photo at some point in their lives, even if parents don't find it so. I had some photos like that... no way would I want those ended up on the internet. Once you put something up online, it is there permanently even if you delete it. I had a digital forensic scientist tell me once that data is permanently gone and can be revived. Social media has a funny way of storing personal data without consent in case they ever have to turn it over to legal authorities.

 

There was a story about a kid who was in middle school whose classmates found embarrassing photos and videos from when they were smaller online (them crying about something - having wet their bed, etc.) and they were called a bed wetter and shown the video or pictures in class. The parents probably long forgot about posting them and other "sweat memories". Another friend of mine is in law enforcement and NONE of her kids are on social media at all until they are old enough to decide to put their pictures on there or not

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I definitely back up the group texting idea.

 

My siblings and I are on a constant group text. Even if it takes a day for one of us to get caught up, we eventually will. We send each other pics of our kids or nice moments we want to share.

 

But I understand and appreciate that you feel you make too many concessions with your wife. That is probably another issue in itself.

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There was a story about a kid who was in middle school whose classmates found embarrassing photos and videos from when they were smaller online (them crying about something - having wet their bed, etc.) and they were called a bed wetter and shown the video or pictures in class. The parents probably long forgot about posting them and other "sweat memories". Another friend of mine is in law enforcement and NONE of her kids are on social media at all until they are old enough to decide to put their pictures on there or not

That is truly disheartening that a kid would be cyber bullied over a childhood photo. And middle school kids can be VERY vindictive and catty.

 

My husband is very much like the OP with his upcoming baby. He’s so excited about becoming a dad and wants to show off his daughter. I get it. But as a parent who has personally experienced cyber bullying, was discovered by an employer on a social media account, and knows what goes on behind the scenes from a digital forensic POV, I want to protect my child as much as I can so those experiences don’t happen to her. We leave digital footprints on anything we post - including on here. Social media has opened up a dangerous world for users that’s affecting (even increasing) mental health issues with this surveillance culture which many of us are so accustomed to.we should be modeling and exercising online safety to our children when it becomes their turn to use technology.

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I just don’t get the “showing off” with photos. It’s a photo. My son is cute and handsome and if you don’t meet him in person and interact you don’t know anything about him except maybe that in the photo he is doing a certain activity or a quick video - all of which I send to my sister and other family members who ask. And friends who ask. Some ask. If they don’t I rarely send unless we’re exchanging or they send. What is there to show off? The child is his own person. He can choose to interact and honestly why should my son “show off”. That he’s cute or charming or funny has almost nothing to do with me - those are his qualities. Of course when he is bratty it’s my fault lol.

Sure I feel proud and mostly I assume that what i am proud of would be boring to most people or neutral. Except those on our family who also gush over him and what it know all the funny things he does and says even when they cannot see him in person. I don’t think it’s social media. It’s people who feel they have to brag about what they have and heir accomplishments and now they have a new way to do it. And somehow having and raising a child is brag worthy to the extent that hundreds of your friends want to see what your toddler said during the drive through on the way to his preschool or want to see the prize he got for going on the potty or losing a tooth. I don’t get the motivation to do that and yes I am worried about safety too.

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People can do as they please. There are many ways for people to get the pictures. Nobody takes their kids to the park ? I do agree if the profile was public I feel that is very dangerous because a lot of times people keep the locations on as well and have access to a lot of info.

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