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This may be long so bare with me please.

 

I’ve been reading in these forums for quite some time and haven’t built up the guts to post my own situation. This was until I got the call that she received the divorce papers and wants me to sign them.

 

The relationship/marriage.

My wife and I have been together for 5 years and spent the last two years married. The beginning of the relationship wasn’t the best way to start a relationship but it wasn’t the worst way either. She was in the relationship before I was. However there was no arguing or real problems. We struggled together as I was the only one working at the time and then I got fired. So we then began living off of my unemployment. Noticed I said we’ve began living off of that because I moved her in with in about a month of knowing her because her mother threw her out in the streets. I couldn’t let her live in the streets so I let her come stay with me. However there was no discussion of use then becoming a couple. Once again I barely knew her.

 

As time went on we grew together and decided to move ( we both found jobs ) to another apartment in a different borough ( away from my family ). We was in love, she made feel things I’ve never felt and made me want to change and be a better man. She loved my kids just as much as she loved me ( we found out early in the relationship that she couldn’t have kids at all ). By the way she was with my kids ( 2 ) I knew I had to be a man and marry her.

 

Fast forward to the proposal and the marriage. I propose to her at a fancy restaurant in front of her only friend and her friend husband. She had no relationship with any other friends or family members so it was just us 4. Her bridesmaids were my sister in laws. The wedding consisted of mostly my family. However we was as happy as any couple could be.

 

A year after we are married we try to have kids going the IVF route which failed twice. She began to resent me and say hurtful things to me about the kids. As her husband I tried to understand and console her because I knew it was a tough time for her.

 

Forward to a few months later we have another huge disagreement leading her to say this time she wants a divorce. This time she felt I was neglecting her and disconnected from her because all I wanted to do was play my video game after work. And me responding from a place I use to be in before we got married I would say “ at least I’m not out cheating on you “ I was completely wrong for those responses. However I didn’t think it was something to want a divorce over. I don’t believe in divorce especially when we got married in the word of the Lord.

 

A way she began to deal with things. She began to hang out with friends she reunited with that was her college roommates. Those relationships were great for her as I saw her becoming more happy. As time went on she brought up the fact that she wanted to start practicing something called Santeria ( please google it ). It was never a conversation, it was something she wanted to do and she went a head and started practicing it. She said it was her aunts spirit who recently passed away calling her to do it for the family. At the time I didn’t understand it so naturally as a husband I tried to deal with it and be supportive. As I started to tell my family about this they began to shed light on it for me and it was then I know this was going to be a problem for us. It caused a major rift between us and we was just about broken. Until one day she can home and said she got a reading ( tarot card ) and it said I was a blessing in her life so she wanted to do whatever it takes to make things work. As a husband I decided ok let’s do it ignoring the signs that was there.

 

Now fast forward to Feb after my bday ski trip which we had a blast on. Just us enjoying each other’s time. She decides to go and get another tarot card reading and this time it says I’m the devil for whatever reason. Next thing I know I’m sleeping on the couch and all she wants to talk about is divorce. She wanted me out. Didn’t want to go to counseling to fix things. Just wants a divorce. Come April I finally decided to leave the house because it was to much to be in the apartment ( her name only on the lease ) and have no conversation with the woman I loved. I stayed in my car ( parked in our lot ) for a few days so she wouldn’t think I was out staying with a female. We was still married and I felt we still had a chance and I wasn’t willing to just give up on my wife despite he own mother telling me to leave because she is losing her mind. I’ve tried taking her out, I’ve tried bringing her flowers and her favorite wines ( something I did 2-3 times a month ) no matter what. She called those things stalkerish and didn’t want to see it as me fighting for our marriage.

 

In late May, i decided to wish her a good day of work in person. But to my surprise she was leaving the house with another man. I was shocked but more importantly hurt. Naturally, I lost it and told him to stay away from her and then grabbed her by her arm. She began to say she’s getting an order of protection which my response was I would have to hit you or threaten you. She drove off and went on to work. I get a call later on in the day from a officer saying I must turn my self in or get arrested at work. Naturally I go to the precinct and they arrest me. Long story’s short she lied and said I choked her just to get a restraining order. Smh

 

My life have been a living hell as I’m staying with a friend. Lost about 30 lbs stressed out about all of this and then to top it al off she calls my family to tell me she have the divorce papers and she just wants me to sign them. Should I just go ahead and sign them? Or seek a divorce lawyer. She filed no contest ( amicable ) Please help. I now it’s long but I tried to provide as much info as possible to seek the best advice. Help please.

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She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you any more. It doesn't really matter why. Trying to be in a relationship with someone who calls you a stalker and gets a restraining order against you is only going to lead to more stress and heartache. Sign the papers.

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That’s just where I’m at mentally. Just wanted another view on it all.

 

Well it looks pretty done from the outside. She doesn't want to work on the relationship. She's calling the cops on you. She is telling you that you are stalking her. And she is seeing another man. It's done. I'm sorry that it happened in such a painful and inexplicable way but "trying" at this point would be taken as more stalking behavior and might get you in more legal trouble.

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That’s exactly what it is. Even more on a deeper level. She became heavily invested in it and it destroyed us. My family said that’s worshiping the devil. When I reached out to our pastor he said she wouldn’t want to speak to him if she’s doing that stuff. And guess what he was right. So maybe this is a blessing in disguise.

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I honestly think she was more interested in the wedding than the marriage. Where I’m from you work on your marriage and just don’t give up. That’s why I fought so hard and long. But you are right. It’s over.

 

But all you did was play video games -- fighting for a marriage should not only happen when one wants to walk - its everyday. - not when you get a wake up call. Defending your marriage from outside people who want to rip it apart -- knowing what your spouse's concerns and fears are, always working towards better communication and more intimacy. And you say that she was "all about the wedding" vs the marriage -- well so were you because you proposed in public in front of others vs proposing when the two of you were alone in privacy.

 

I agree that its over and you can't do anything at this point but leave her alone. She does not want you around. I hope you have a good lawyer and can see the restraining order for what it is. But - grabbing a woman is telling her that she is your possession. You should not have done it. you should have said your peace and not have touched her

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Abitbroken. You’re 100% right. I should of handle that situation better not have grabbed her as she walked away from me because I wanted answers.

 

The proposal was planned. We’ve had several conversations where she would mention her dream proposal ( in front of family and friends ) so that’s why the friend and her husband was there. Had she been close t her family at the time I would have invited them as well.

 

Truthfully speaking, I didn’t want the wedding, I was ok with putting that money towards our future, a house/family. She wanted the whole wedding thing. And if you haven’t noticed by now I have her everything she wanted. I just wanted her to be the happiest woman on earth. That’s all I lived for. I didn’t live for my self. I didn’t work for my self. It was all for her and the kids. ( big mistake, that’s for another thread )

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