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My parents don't visit me should i be annoyed or am i overreacting?


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So here's the story.

 

My parents decided to move out to the country while i was living at home. I went with them for a little bit and then moved out due to getting into a relationship and i wanted to be closer to work.

 

My parents hate that i am renting. They don't help with rent, i am an adult and pay for everything myself as i should .

 

My mother is retired. Dad is the one who works. She doesn't really like to leave home. And i think they expected that i would come and visit them every week or month. They say they will come and visit but they often end up cancelling, my brother who has his house , they visit him every week.

 

My dad told me a while ago i should move out of my apartment as its a dump.

 

So it annoys me that they think i have all the time in the world to drop everything for them. I am working full time and dont live as close to them as my brother does.

 

I had an argument with my dad and told him its ok we just won't visit eachother at all and i didnt realize that we were keeping score with the visits. My dad works 5 mins drive from me.

 

I'm annoyed. Am i overreacting?

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I’m not sure this is about the visits?

 

Does it really matter who visits who if it’s more comfortable or convenient or whatever?

 

Is it that you are worried that their lack of visits mean something? That somehow they love your brother more than you or something?

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I can understand your point. How often have they visited?

 

If they can visit your brother, they can certainly visit you. I would tell them that you are hurt that they do not take the time to visit. Don't visit until it becomes more reciprocal.

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Seems like underlying tension there if this is turning into arguments. Makes sense they'd rather hang out in a house than a one person apartment. So many simple solutions if you want to see each other. Meet at bros. go visit them. Meet dad for supper after work. Etc

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When i had a small apartment in a seedy area, I used to meet my folks for dinner at a midpoint. They were uncomfortable coming to visit in my tiny apartment - i didn't have a kitchen table big enough for us all to sit at and they felt they i felt put upon.

 

If they go to your brother's home who lives in a safe area and has a spare room should they be too tired to drive, i wouldn't fault them.

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I'd make this less about me, and more about my current circumstances. Dad has already said that he's not comfortable at your home. Do they like your BF? Are they happy or unhappy that you're living with him?

 

I've always preferred to visit my parents or meet them at my sister's or somewhere else. It gives me the control to end the visit whenever I wish.

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