I'm 44 and thought life been different, his finances not good, sparks? confused

[Joanne43]

I'm only in a financially better position this past few months to move out so going to do that soon. Yes I'd really love to travel more as well and enjoy life but this man struggles financially... I just find it so hard to let him go as he's such a good honest man .... then I say to myself if I don't I'm holding myself back and not enjoying the life I'd like... it's hard as I really really like him... suppose there's that fear as well as maybe regretting it later on as he shows me so much love, care and respect

[j.man]

Do you think he might similarly be in a decent financial position had he sacrificed his independence and adulthood responsibilities by living at home? Would you have respected him if he had?

[Batya33]

I don’t think it’s just me - is it? I find your posts all over the place as far as your situation. First you say you want a wealthy man. Then you say you have enough money to buy a house with another person - meaning jslf/ and that you is enriching money to pay your own way to travel. But now you say you only have been better if an islet for a few months enough to afford rent. If all you can afford is rent so that you’re living independently there a far cry from having enough disposable income to buy a house and travel. So if you let a man mow so could pay his own way to travel as you say you want to and could pay for half the house you say you want you are in no position to pay your share. Seems to me you’re probably at least a few years away from being in that position and yet you’re telling your boyfriend you are worried that he can’t afford a house. But neither can you. Have you seen a financial counselor or advisor or figured out how long it will take you to afford the lifestyle you say you want?

[itsallgrand]

Do you live in a country where it is the norm for women to live with family until they are married? Where women rarely purchase their own property?

 

I find your post really sad as it seems you have put off working towards attaining your dreams while waiting for a man. What will you do if you never marry ? And if you are waiting for a man, it puts all this unnecessary pressure onto any relationship you get into. If gives you incentive to settle for anyone who is somewhat stable and who you figure will help you to get where you want to go. Hard to find room for love in that equation.

[Joanne43]

Hey, sorry just replying. A few of you have related to the point that I don't have that spark within myself and I do need to sort myself out. My mind's all over the place and my anxiety/worry/overthinking doesn't help. Really trying to sort myself out and get that spark back within myself too.

[Batya33]

Hey, sorry just replying. A few of you have related to the point that I don't have that spark within myself and I do need to sort myself out. My mind's all over the place and my anxiety/worry/overthinking doesn't help. Really trying to sort myself out and get that spark back within myself too.

 

So it's not about "trying" to get a spark. It's about taking actions that will facilitate a spark - taking even mini-baby steps to take actions that are outside your comfort zone whether that is exercising, exercising a different way, taking a yoga or dance class, volunteering in a place you've never volunteered before, doing small acts of kindness that wouldn't have occurred to you, etc. It's not about going inward and gazing at your navel.

[abitbroken]

Sorry I probably do sound like a golddigger and I'm far from it as I've always looked after myself in life and never took any man for his money. When I say 'wealthy man' I mean someone who can look after himself too example. I'd like to maybe travel more and be nice if he could pay his own way and me mine. I'm lucky that financially I'm in a good place now so am probably looking to enjoy life more as well... as much as I love this man times I feel I'm not getting to do the things I'd like ie. more travel but I understand his struggles with finances.

 

He DOES look after himself if he has a roof over his head and food on his table. There are people who never own a home because they like the ability to move to a different place if they felt like it, don't feel like doing yard work, or feel they don't want a big place for just them - that its just a waste. I don't know his situation if he is a widower and did own a condo or house but it reminded him too much of sadness and he got rid of it, or is divorced and lost everything. Maybe he grew up in extreme poverty and his lifestyle now is living like a king compared to that through hard work. Even so, if he was always single ---- you can't complain that he is LIVING INDEPENDENTLY in an apartment and eating three meals a day that he provides if you live at your parents' house. You say you "never took money from a man" - but you ARE - your DAD. you are living comfortably based on your parents' hard work. You may be paying your phone bill, but you are living in a place you could not afford because of your parents - its their home.

 

Before you judge this man, why not move out - even if its in a small studio apartment? Experience the show on the other foot and i bet you will stop criticizing this man.