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he gets jealous when he sees me with another guy but he won't commit


isabelle
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he got extremely jealous last night at the summer ball party thing because he saw me make out with another guy, mind you, i saw him make out with another girl about half an hour earlier so i assumed that was an "ok" to do so, but clearly it wasn't because he got so mad at the situation, he states he's not mad at me but just the situation...

 

he kept saying the girl he got with was ugly, like i care, btw.

 

but yeah, i guess i'm just feeling really low and depressed now because i don't like making people feel bad, even tho i did it on purpose to get back at him...my kiss meant nothing with that guy and it was all just to make him react

 

i confronted him about not being his girlfriend and he gives me the deadest replies like what would be the point...

 

ive told him that i love him bc i do

 

and i feel like thats just driving him away even more, im so stressed

 

we've been going on now for months and months but it's been getting more serious lately i guess, he still wont commit tho and i want to cry my eyes out because i like him more than anyone

 

also he said that if i loved him i would never have kissed the guy, but its simply untrue because whenever i say i love him, he never says it back so it's one sided...which means that i am free to do what i want, im not going to stop living my life bc he doesn't love me back

 

and he said that if he was in love he would never do that (kiss someone else) even though seeing a guy kiss me made him so angry that it was "a feeling he's never felt before" and that the guy needed to get off what was "his"

 

im starting to think our relationship is toxic and means nothing. and what's worse is that his family won't ever accept me bc i'm not part of his culture. but he has admitted to having feelings for me, but he doesn't love me...

 

you may wonder why i place so much emphasis on the word love, for some reason it offers me a lot of security, if he had said he loved me in the first place, i would have felt ok and i would have never kissed anyone and neither would he, but clearly he doesn't like me enough to say that he loves me but it's funny because our versions of what we think love means are completely subjective

 

 

and yeah i need to get a hobby...but its exam season and im stressed af

Edited by isabelle
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Well, you wrote before that you were in a group of friends who were just partying and fooling around with each other and not getting into serious relationships. But fooling around and having sex brings on some serious emotions that sometimes we can barely control. So your boyfriend got jealous at you because you were kissing another guy at this party, and you were kissing another guy just a month ago too that left your neck covered with hickeys, so he had to show you he could do the same things too. Playing games like these creates trouble. It's all fun and games until it turns serious. In a way, you're correct. You guys are not in a mature relationship. You're all in college and you're young and you're partying and fooling around. If you want a serious relationship, you need to find a mature guy who isn't playing these games and you have to be serious too as in no kissing and sleeping with other guys to make him jealous. It's a two-way street.

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Why are you wasting your time on this guy? he does not care about you.

 

He does not want you, but he also dos not want anyone else to have you. He is only afraid he will lose the sex. He does not care about or respect you.

 

Expect more for yourself. Lose this jerk.

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you know what, you're right, after several disappointments now, i feel like i've matured over night.

 

what was i expecting? we're 18 years old...we're children...how could i truly expect to find the right person for me right now, unless he's a mature old man and i don't think i'm ready for that. most people at 18 aren't looking for serious relationships and it would be ridiculous to assume that everyone wants this

 

he may have feelings for me, but it may just stop there.

 

i really have to stop allowing things like this to affect me.

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yeah true, haha i didnt realise people actually thought about old posts, the guy who covered my neck in hickeys is actually the guy im talking about in this post.

 

and the guy who got jealous wasn't my boyfriend, he thought we were something more but i didnt see it that way.

 

you are right in the sense that if i want a serious relationship i should find a mature guy, but the reality is that i would have to be dating guys much older than myself as i'm only 18. and i really dislike the thought of that, as the seriousness of an older, more mature guy would place too much pressure on me as a college student. i think it's just a fact that i need to accept, that no one at our age is going to want a very serious relationship and i shouldn't be expecting it from anyone. having sex like you said does cause some serious emotions and i shouldn't assume that people are going to want a relationship afterwards or assume that they love me because sex is a biological need. for girls, it has been biologically proven that they become more attached instantly due to an increase in oxytocin levels and this is something that many people cannot seem to override (including me) as your body tricks you into thinking you like them more than you actually do. i think i will stop playing games like this if i want to avoid unnecessary drama, and if i participate in the games as well, then i need to be able to handle any drama that comes my way and not expect anything good out of it

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Is this in fact your boyfriend or is it some guy in your circle of friends that you're crushing on and he knows it and is playing you?

 

You haven't written that he is your boyfriend at all.

 

Stop investing in someone who bring this much stress to your life. So what if he's mad you kissed another guy? He's not your boyfriend, going by what you've written, and he's not going to be if his family has anything to say about it.

 

Certainly keep living your life and grow a thicker skin so that you're not twisting yourself into pretzels over someone who doesn't deserve the effort.

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Did you go to this event with each other as dates? Neither of you want to be exclusive so what are you talking about "commitment" for? Why chase a guy who doesn't care about you, doesn't accept you and doesn't want to be exclusive?

 

What's toxic is both of you being with others at the same event in hopes of making each other jealous. Why play toxic games? Study for your exams and if you want decent boys who want to be exclusive, then you need to act that way as well...and stop playing games.

he got extremely jealous last night at the summer ball party thing because he saw me make out with another guy, mind you, i saw him make out with another girl about half an hour earlier so i assumed that was an "ok".whenever i say i love him, he never says it back so it's one sided.his family won't ever accept me bc i'm not part of his culture.
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