Girlfriend works with her ex

[vmaypa]

So I found out that my girlfriend works with some guy she dated for a few months. Should I be worried at all? She also says she doesn’t follow her ex’s on Instagram but I already know she does. Is this type of lie okay? I’m not going to lie myself, I still follow my ex’s also but I don’t even talk to them.

[SGH]

It shouldn't be an issue if you're in a healthy, committed relationship with clear boundaries. People can't always control who they work with. I'm not sure why she lied about whether or not she follows him on Instagram, but it honestly doesn't matter either way. I will never understand why people put so much weight on social media connections - they're essentially meaningless and not a reflection of real life relationships.

 

What I find more concerning is the fact that you are feeling so insecure about your partnership that you are asking these questions. Do you have other concerns that are raising your trust issues?

[vmaypa]

More so past relationships that have brought up insecurities. My girl and I have been good for the 7 months that we’ve dated so far. No arguing whatsoever. I just don’t understand why she would tell me that she’s never dated anyone at work or doesn’t follow any of her ex’s when I know this isn’t true.

[MissCanuck]

More so past relationships that have brought up insecurities. My girl and I have been good for the 7 months that we’ve dated so far. No arguing whatsoever. I just don’t understand why she would tell me that she’s never dated anyone at work or doesn’t follow any of her ex’s when I know this isn’t true.

 

It could be her misguided way of trying to keep the peace with you. If she knows you're insecure, she might be neglecting to tell you about this ex because she knows it will cause a problem. Of course, one could argue that her hiding this makes it worse, which I'd agree with - but again, she might be coming at this from a different mindset.

 

But I'm curious., how do you know she works with him if she never told you she did?

[vmaypa]

I basically found on through a friend who also works with her. Idk if I should bring it up and talk to her about it or just keep things how they are as long as what they do is strictly work related

[vmaypa]

I’m afraid if I bring it up, she’ll ask how I found out and in some way it’ll change things or end the relationship

[SGH]

If you didn't find out from excessive snooping, I suppose it would be alright to bring it up with her. However, you need to be careful about how you approach the subject. Miss Canuck may be right about why she's chosen to keep the information about her ex to herself. As long as you're not accusatory or insecure, asking questions is always fine in a relationship. It sounds like it's bothering you enough too that communication is worth having over the matter, so it doesn't blow up into a bigger issue than it is.

[Wiseman2]

Why bring it up? You already know what you know. After dating only a few months, it could come off as jealous or suspicious. Why go there? There's really no threat here if she's dating you.

I’m afraid if I bring it up, she’ll ask how I found out and in some way it’ll change things or end the relationship

[vmaypa]

Okay, I’ll just leave things how they are and trust that it’ll stay work related between them at work. It doesn’t bother me that they work together because it’s been 7 months and the way she treats me and acts around me shows that she’s all for me. I guess the lying part was what bothers me because of issues from past relationships, but like you guys said, if she did it to prevent issues between us then that’s understandable.

[quark]

I know all these people are saying "why go there, why bring it up?" but I personally know what it's like to having something eating you up inside and it's not healthy. I Say bring it up. I know it's a little white lie, but I'd be concerned about lies in the future. In my opinion, I'd rather clear the air and get everything out in the open rather than harboring bad thoughts and feelings. When they fester they only turn into huge fights later on.

 

If it's not truly "Eating you up" and you think you can let it go peacefully, then, no don't bring it up. But don't torture yourself either.

 

When I was searching for a new job, I had two prospects. One was a place that I used to work at a solid 6 years ago, but had undergone a renovation and name change. I had a relationship with someone from that job years back. Who's to say if that person was even still there after all that time. I kinda wanted to go for that job more, but because my fiance was insecure, he basically told me no and I went for the other job. Ended up meeting someone at the other job, and after some time found the courage to break it off with the fiance. We are together for 6 months now. Kind of ironic that he was so worried about someone from my past being a problem. I'm glad he was insecure because I never would have met the guy i'm with now.

[Minikimini]

So I found out that my girlfriend works with some guy she dated for a few months. Should I be worried at all? She also says she doesn’t follow her ex’s on Instagram but I already know she does. Is this type of lie okay? I’m not going to lie myself, I still follow my ex’s also but I don’t even talk to them.

 

Was she in a relationship with him or did she date him?

 

You can't step to her on the IG thing when you're doing the same. That's being a hypocrite and perhaps her lying about it is her way of managing your hypocrisy.

 

You should worry more about you being inconsistent with what you're asking of her and less about what she's doing.

[Minikimini]

I’m afraid if I bring it up, she’ll ask how I found out and in some way it’ll change things or end the relationship

 

But if right is so on your side, you should fear nothing nor anyone.

[vmaypa]

She mentioned dating him last summer and it was only for a few months. Nothing serious like how my girl and I are today, going on 7 months. It doesn’t bother me that she works with him because she’s worked with him a couple of months ago while we were dating and the way she acted and treated me showed me that she was all for me. I just don’t like the fact that she lied and it just makes me think what else has she lied about, or what else will she lie about in the future?! I understand if she lied to not cause any issues because I know I’ve lied about not having ex’s on my IG, whom I don’t even talk to, they just follow me, but lying about seeing an ex at work and interacting with them is different to me.