Life Long Crush Is Crushing Me

[Josh792]

So my best friends cousin has been a huge interest of mine (her whole family knows it, she knows it) since we were 13 and we’re 26 now. She was in a LTR for 5 years but they broke up late last year. My best friend recently got married in January so her and I ended up hooking up (I caught the garter, she caught the bouquet, hooray!) lol. So we ended up talking everyday after that, hanging at home, going out, hanging with friends a few times and two months in we had a conversation about where we were. She told me she is in no position to get into a relationship anytime soon because it wouldn’t be fair to anyone and she’s not physically, emotionally or mentally ready, she wants to figure herself out and just wants good company. I agreed with it since I’ve been down that road and i told her “we both know what I want but we both know what you need.” and we agreed to keep hanging out and being friends. Well, she picked up a second job a little after that and she works 70+ hours a week so our visits have become way less frequent, which is okay with me, no problem because we still kept communication everyday throughout the day. Well, I was invited to her place last Thursday since she had some free time. We talked, I helped her with a couple things around her place and then we took an edible and went to her bed (I’ve always stayed the night). I tried to initiate sex a couple times but she wasn’t really feeling it she could have been tired, really high or both. I wasn’t worried about it so I left it alone and just cuddled. Next morning I wake up, wasn’t feeling good and threw up! So embarrassing! But we said our goodbyes and at first she didn’t want to kiss me because I threw up but we did lips only and she went in for a second one too so I felt like it was confirmation that everything was good and smooth.

 

Ever since then tho I feel like something is just off, her communication is different, it’s distant, sometimes she won’t reply unless i double text to start a new conversation. I’ll maybe get a reply in the morning and nothing through the day until night or just no responses at all and I’m not sure where I’ve gone wrong and it’s really getting to me.

 

Did I do something wrong? Is her ex back in the picture (have they been communicating the whole time)? Should i just text her letting her know I thought I could handle just being friends but I can’t? Do I just need to give her some space? Lots of questions are going through my head and I don’t know which way to go. I’ve definitely caught more feelings over time and I like her even more now, making this really hard!

 

I just feel so down cause I’ve waited so long for this and I feel like this was my one and only opportunity to make something happen and I’m seeing it slip away.

[DanZee]

Well, I think your best friend's cousin was pretty clear that she didn't want to get into a romantic relationship and you keep pushing and pushing. You certainly went over the line by trying to initiate sex several times. I think girls sometimes naively think they can be friends with boys who are romantically interested in them, but it rarely works out for both parties. I think you need to find someone else to be interested in and leave your friend's cousin alone.

[Josh792]

Well, I think your best friend's cousin was pretty clear that she didn't want to get into a romantic relationship and you keep pushing and pushing. You certainly went over the line by trying to initiate sex several times. I think girls sometimes naively think they can be friends with boys who are romantically interested in them, but it rarely works out for both parties. I think you need to find someone else to be interested in and leave your friend's cousin alone.

 

I agree, she was clear that she didn’t want anything romantic right now. I’m confused on how i keep pushing and pushing though because her and I initiating wasn’t anything new, it’s not the first time we had done it. We kiss every time we see each other, I’m always staying over at her place, all these being her choices, I’m not trying to force anything because of what she’s said.

[abitbroken]

I would have walked away the minute she said she wasn't ready.

She said she "just wanted company". Don't be her company.

You need to make her miss you.

You are always around so she can't miss you.

[Josh792]

I would have walked away the minute she said she wasn't ready.

She said she "just wanted company". Don't be her company.

You need to make her miss you.

You are always around so she can't miss you.

 

Taking a step back, now I see what you mean. I knew what I wanted and I knew she didn’t want that. I should have saved myself the trouble but i got so anxious at the “opportunity”. I’ve dialed back on my responses but I’m not really good at games, I don’t like them. I’m not great at ignoring people either which makes the whole “missing me” pretty much impossible. When someone texts me I always respond.. not always promptly but eventually I do get to it.

 

She text me last night and I kept it away from

any flirting, just shorter text in general. It had the same end result to being left without a response, but that was expected.

[SoulTaker]

So my best friends cousin has been a huge interest of mine (her whole family knows it, she knows it) since we were 13 and we’re 26 now. She was in a LTR for 5 years but they broke up late last year.

 

I just feel so down cause I’ve waited so long for this and I feel like this was my one and only opportunity to make something happen and I’m seeing it slip away.

 

Waited so long for what? She knew about your interest in her for over 13 years, and she has done nothing about it. Her family probably jokes about it. Yet, you keep pressing on with your attempts to sway her.

 

You're try to get in through the back door by being the loyal friend to help her get over her "ex". Good luck with that. Best thing you can do at this stage is back off and let her get over her "ex". And, then see if she comes to you for a date, and not as a friend.

[abitbroken]

Taking a step back, now I see what you mean. I knew what I wanted and I knew she didn’t want that. I should have saved myself the trouble but i got so anxious at the “opportunity”. I’ve dialed back on my responses but I’m not really good at games, I don’t like them. I’m not great at ignoring people either which makes the whole “missing me” pretty much impossible. When someone texts me I always respond.. not always promptly but eventually I do get to it.

 

She text me last night and I kept it away from

any flirting, just shorter text in general. It had the same end result to being left without a response, but that was expected.

 

why are you texting your cousin's friend anyways -- i would remove yourself as her texting buddy. Move on.

[Fishbite]

Taking a step back, now I see what you mean. I knew what I wanted and I knew she didn’t want that. I should have saved myself the trouble but i got so anxious at the “opportunity”. I’ve dialed back on my responses but I’m not really good at games, I don’t like them. I’m not great at ignoring people either which makes the whole “missing me” pretty much impossible. When someone texts me I always respond.. not always promptly but eventually I do get to it.

 

She text me last night and I kept it away from

any flirting, just shorter text in general. It had the same end result to being left without a response, but that was expected.

 

 

No one is saying that you should play games. I think what people are suggesting it to back off a bit and concentrate on you own life and if and when she is interested, she will initiate contact.

 

She knows what you want and you know what she wants. Right now, you don’t align. Give it time.

[Josh792]

No one is saying that you should play games. I think what people are suggesting it to back off a bit and concentrate on you own life and if and when she is interested, she will initiate contact.

 

She knows what you want and you know what she wants. Right now, you don’t align. Give it time.

 

Thanks for clarifying. It’s really hard to accept what you need to hear but don’t want to hear. I appreciate everyone’s advice though. I’ve stuck to it.

[Josh792]

I’ve left her alone but she’s made contact with me twice this week. Once on Wednesday and it was a short exchange and then once on Saturday with another short exchange. I’m confused, if she’s not interested then why is she messaging me and then just ignoring me after?

[abitbroken]

I’ve left her alone but she’s made contact with me twice this week. Once on Wednesday and it was a short exchange and then once on Saturday with another short exchange. I’m confused, if she’s not interested then why is she messaging me and then just ignoring me after?

 

Just because she contacts you, doesn't mean you have to answer back.

She is treating you like her little lap dog. She knows you are interested in her so she gets a kick out of it --- Honestly, unless she texts you something important like "I am with your cousin down the street from your house and she is unconcious. I called an ambulance. are you home?? Can you come to us?? "

i would not answer jokes, "how are you?" etc. Only reply to meaningful texts.

[Wiseman2]

Friendzone. Lots of girls do it.

I’m confused, if she’s not interested then why is she messaging me and then just ignoring me after?

[Josh792]

If being Friendzoned is the case, I feel like I should let her know that’s not where I want to be and just end it from there.

 

I also realize my mistake I made when she told me what she wanted and didn’t want. I should have kept it moving from there so I wouldn’t end up where I am right now.

[Wiseman2]

Yes let her know you're interested in dating, not just being friends.

If being Friendzoned is the case, I feel like I should let her know that’s not where I want to be and just end it from there.

[abitbroken]

If being Friendzoned is the case, I feel like I should let her know that’s not where I want to be and just end it from there.

 

I also realize my mistake I made when she told me what she wanted and didn’t want. I should have kept it moving from there so I wouldn’t end up where I am right now.

 

Just stop being her friend, then.

You don't have to make any big announcement.

She knows its not what you want because you declared your feelings to date her.

I would go out there and try to meet women and date.

[Josh792]

Just stop being her friend, then.

You don't have to make any big announcement.

She knows its not what you want because you declared your feelings to date her.

I would go out there and try to meet women and date.

 

It’s not about making a big announcement, more because I have really extreme anxiety and it’ll help ease my brain.

[Josh792]

So I’ve made it a point to listen to everyone’s advice and not text her since she didn’t respond to our last conversation. But I keep getting this thought in my head that she’s wanting me to text her asking her where she’s been, if she’s okay or how she’s doing and thinks I’m ghosting her if I don’t. I keep worrying what if she’s not texting me thinking I should be the person to say something.

 

My brain is telling me these scenarios are probably not at all the case but my good heart is being a real ***hole to my brain right now. How can I better avoid these thoughts? Just following the same advice I suppose?

[Fishbite]

Josh, you need to get busy doing other things.

 

Spend more time with mates. Organise a trip away or something.

 

Get a hobby or a project. At the moment, all you free headspace is being consumed by this girl.

 

You have to make yourself busy so you can forget her.

 

One of the other posters said it. You are her little lap dog.

 

Forget about her. She is using your attention to make herself feel good.