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Dang, thought it was an update.

 

I know, right?

 

I'm sort of inclined to think it didn't go well, and she's too embarrassed to tell us -- either that or they've fallen in love and she's spending all her time with him and has no time to update! lol

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I know, right?

 

I'm sort of inclined to think it didn't go well, and she's too embarrassed to tell us -- either that or they've fallen in love and she's spending all her time with him and has no time to update! lol

 

I'm rooting for the second one.

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I know, right?

 

I'm sort of inclined to think it didn't go well, and she's too embarrassed to tell us -- either that or they've fallen in love and she's spending all her time with him and has no time to update! lol

 

We did go on that third date. It was a cute sushi picnic in the park at sunset. We did go back to his place and watched that show we both enjoy and we just cuddled then I went home. The next night he invited me to get together again, but I took too long to respond and he was out to dinner with his son. He said we could still get together after, but I didn't want to do something late at night. Then he had to take his daughter to an out of town dance competition over the weekend. We talked a bit about getting together when he got back in town, but then I got caught up in a family emergency and I haven't really followed up. I caught a few things he exaggerated to make himself sound more together and gently called him out and I think he is a bit embarrassed.

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We did go on that third date. It was a cute sushi picnic in the park at sunset. We did go back to his place and watched that show we both enjoy and we just cuddled then I went home. The next night he invited me to get together again, but I took too long to respond and he was out to dinner with his son. He said we could still get together after, but I didn't want to do something late at night. Then he had to take his daughter to an out of town dance competition over the weekend. We talked a bit about getting together when he got back in town, but then I got caught up in a family emergency and I haven't really followed up. I caught a few things he exaggerated to make himself sound more together and gently called him out and I think he is a bit embarrassed.

 

What does this mean, exactly?

 

It sounds like you're getting let this fade out now. Correct?

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What does this mean, exactly?

 

It sounds like you're getting let this fade out now. Correct?

 

He made up a whole story about being in the process of buying a house. Gave me the move in date and address and everything. Said that he was happy to have bought a house where he could settle for years to come blah blah blah. I'm currently in the process of looking at houses in the same area. The house was suggested to me on a real estate site and showed up as still for sale with an open house scheduled. I asked him if something had gone wrong with his offer or inspection. That's when he told me that he actually already owned the house and was flipping it. That it was actually his dad who owns the house and he was hoping to move into the house when his current lease was up. I did actually check tax records and the last sale was about a year ago to someone with his last name (so that checks out). If he had been honest from the beginning it wouldn't have been a big deal, but the elaborate story was weird.

 

On the first date he also said he never speaks to his ex wife. They have three kids together so I told him I thought that was surprising, but he said he just coordinated directly through the kids now that the kids are older. That they really didn't have much need to talk to each other as long as he paid child support. On the third date he said he talks to her about the kids almost daily and was worried that she hadn't responded to him in 4 days.

 

I don't care if he talks to his ex about their kids nor am I looking for a sugar daddy. He is 13 years older and I think he was initially self-conscious that he didn't have himself together so he lied. He might have gotten a bit more honest by the third date, but I just can't deal with liars. I have a history of being lied to. I'm going to let this fade. It was fun texting for a few months and I probably wouldn't even be opposed to grabbing another drink/bite, but I don't see him the same way anymore.

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Lies are like cockroaches, where there's one or two there are 100s more you just haven't seen. This sounds like a red flag. If you have to play detective after 3 dates that's also a red flag.

He made up a whole story about being in the process of buying a house. Gave me the move in date and address and everything. I did actually check tax records.
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I think you both made some mistakes here.

 

Him and his white lies, even if they are innocent, any lie about an ex is suspicious, but let's give him the benefit of the doubt, Any white lies this early isn't a good look.

 

You, what the hell are you doing turning into Colombo after 4 dates?!?! Looking up tax records? If you did that to me and told me, ( I didn't catch if you did or didn't) I would be out of there. I understand not wanting to be lied to. It if after a few dates you have to research what he tells you? It's going to be a non starter, and not necessarily because he's untrustworthy, it could be that you have trust issues. I don't know your history so I'm not basing this off of anything.

 

I'd say you both have a major hit on you so if you kept dating maybe face them and talk about them together.

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I think she’s right to google someone she met through online. I have and one time I didn’t meet the guy once I discovered a white collar crime issue. I typically googled before meeting to make sure here’s single and sometimes to confirm he degrees and job he claimed to have. But I only met if I had a first and last name back then. OP his lies are dealbreakers IMO. They are borderline bizarre and to me would reflect a penchant for lying regularly. So yes there are exceptions but in three dates he’s told you two significant lies. And dumb lies they are so easily uncovered. I’d run. And not meet for drinks either. Don’t you have enough friends already?

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I think she’s right to google someone she met through online. I have and one time I didn’t meet the guy once I discovered a white collar crime issue. I typically googled before meeting to make sure here’s single and sometimes to confirm he degrees and job he claimed to have. But I only met if I had a first and last name back then. OP his lies are dealbreakers IMO. They are borderline bizarre and to me would reflect a penchant for lying regularly. So yes there are exceptions but in three dates he’s told you two significant lies. And dumb lies they are so easily uncovered. I’d run. And not meet for drinks either. Don’t you have enough friends already?

 

Theres googling and theres checking tax records. One of these things is not like the other.

 

And lets be honest, the potential issue here isn't whether or not hes trying to buy a home, its his relationship with his ex, and that could have been gathered with talking, which they did, there was no need to look up tax records.

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Theres googling and theres checking tax records. One of these things is not like the other.

 

And lets be honest, the potential issue here isn't whether or not hes trying to buy a home, its his relationship with his ex, and that could have been gathered with talking, which they did, there was no need to look up tax records.

Oh ok. I didn’t get the distinction you were making. I never needed to do a full background check on a potential boyfriend but I can see where someone might need to.

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I think you both made some mistakes here.

 

Him and his white lies, even if they are innocent, any lie about an ex is suspicious, but let's give him the benefit of the doubt, Any white lies this early isn't a good look.

 

You, what the hell are you doing turning into Colombo after 4 dates?!?! Looking up tax records? If you did that to me and told me, ( I didn't catch if you did or didn't) I would be out of there. I understand not wanting to be lied to. It if after a few dates you have to research what he tells you? It's going to be a non starter, and not necessarily because he's untrustworthy, it could be that you have trust issues. I don't know your history so I'm not basing this off of anything.

 

I'd say you both have a major hit on you so if you kept dating maybe face them and talk about them together.

 

 

It's really easy to look at the tax/sales records for a real estate transaction. He had given me several detailed stories. Why wouldn't I verify with a man I've met online? He said, "I saw a house on Sunday and put an offer down on the spot." Then he continued the lie for over a month. Sent pictures and gave me a move in date. It's really a house his dad (probably) owns and is trying to sell. Who knows if he was ever going to move in.

 

I had done some basic research on him before meeting because that's just practical. However, this was just given to me. It popped up on my real estate search and I recognized the house. I asked him about it nicely, but he had already dug himself in pretty deeply and I think he was embarrassed being caught. After that I found out about a long stretch of unemployment. I think his whole false persona started unraveling quite a bit. I knew it was built up, but I didn't know to what extent. I didn't believe he had as much money as he pretended to, but I assumed that was due to child support and starting a new business. I didn't think it was long-term unemployment.

 

Honestly, I liked him so I wasn't even trying to catch him in lies. I'm not an idiot and I've been with some professional liars. These ones were so easy to sniff out it was almost silly. I'm sure that there are many more.

 

Moving on.

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Theres googling and theres checking tax records. One of these things is not like the other.

 

And lets be honest, the potential issue here isn't whether or not hes trying to buy a home, its his relationship with his ex, and that could have been gathered with talking, which they did, there was no need to look up tax records.

 

The home story is definitely an issue. It was a very detailed ongoing lie. That's a HUGE problem! Lying so easily is major. I came across the house. I talked to him and he gave me a whole new convoluted story. I looked up the tax records to verify the ownership of the house because I clearly don't trust the guy anymore.

 

The ex-wife thing I am less worried about. He obviously lies unnecessarily and can't keep track of his lies. I would expect him to be in contact with the mother of his 3 children.

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It's really easy to look at the tax/sales records for a real estate transaction. He had given me several detailed stories. Why wouldn't I verify with a man I've met online? He said, "I saw a house on Sunday and put an offer down on the spot." Then he continued the lie for over a month. Sent pictures and gave me a move in date. It's really a house his dad (probably) owns and is trying to sell. Who knows if he was ever going to move in.

 

I had done some basic research on him before meeting because that's just practical. However, this was just given to me. It popped up on my real estate search and I recognized the house. I asked him about it nicely, but he had already dug himself in pretty deeply and I think he was embarrassed being caught. After that I found out about a long stretch of unemployment. I think his whole false persona started unraveling quite a bit. I knew it was built up, but I didn't know to what extent. I didn't believe he had as much money as he pretended to, but I assumed that was due to child support and starting a new business. I didn't think it was long-term unemployment.

 

Honestly, I liked him so I wasn't even trying to catch him in lies. I'm not an idiot and I've been with some professional liars. These ones were so easy to sniff out it was almost silly. I'm sure that there are many more.

 

Moving on.

 

 

Because if after two dates you have a strong feeling a man is lying, strong enough feeling to research, its already dead in the water. Whats the point?

 

I realize these are my feelings and everyone is different. Me personally? I would be completely put off if I knew someone I went on a couple of dates with researched my tax records. If Im in a relationship? More understanding, but 2 dates, I PERSONALLY think its a bit much, but if its something normal to do so be it.

 

 

BUT this whole thread was about the red signs, we kinda all told you this was a non starter, so for you to now act like you're suddenly uber careful about the men you date, doesn't mesh well. It reminds me of women who are with cheaters and they're like if I do my research and find out this bra belongs to his ex that's all the evidence I need to walk away. You know the bras not yours so whats the point?

 

Anyway, onward and upward.

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Because if after two dates you have a strong feeling a man is lying, strong enough feeling to research, its already dead in the water. Whats the point?

 

I realize these are my feelings and everyone is different. Me personally? I would be completely put off if I knew someone I went on a couple of dates with researched my tax records. If Im in a relationship? More understanding, but 2 dates, I PERSONALLY think its a bit much, but if its something normal to do so be it.

 

 

BUT this whole thread was about the red signs, we kinda all told you this was a non starter, so for you to now act like you're suddenly uber careful about the men you date, doesn't mesh well. It reminds me of women who are with cheaters and they're like if I do my research and find out this bra belongs to his ex that's all the evidence I need to walk away. You know the bras not yours so whats the point?

 

Anyway, onward and upward.

 

Not that it matters at this point, but you just really don't seem to be understanding what I'm saying about the date order or the tax record.

 

It took a bit to go from the first date to the second date due to travel issues. Went on second date. Less than a week later went on third date. Between the second and the third date came across the house he had been showing me for about 2 months. I am looking to buy my own house in the same area and the house was being suggested to me to go look at so it was obviously not sold yet. I asked him about it on the third date and told him how I came across it. He gave me a convoluted story that didn't match what he had been saying on previous dates. When I got home (after the third date) I looked up the tax/sales history of the real estate to see who it belongs to. I wanted to see if he had any relationship to the house or if it was just a random house he found online.

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Not that it matters at this point, but you just really don't seem to be understanding what I'm saying about the date order or the tax record.

 

It took a bit to go from the first date to the second date due to travel issues. Went on second date. Less than a week later went on third date. Between the second and the third date came across the house he had been showing me for about 2 months. I am looking to buy my own house in the same area and the house was being suggested to me to go look at so it was obviously not sold yet. I asked him about it on the third date and told him how I came across it. He gave me a convoluted story that didn't match what he had been saying on previous dates. When I got home (after the third date) I looked up the tax/sales history of the real estate to see who it belongs to. I wanted to see if he had any relationship to the house or if it was just a random house he found online.

 

Thank you for clarifying. Still doesn't excuse becoming Colombo after 3 dates, in my personal opinion, it would bother me if someone did that to me after a few dates, it wouldn't be ok in my eyes, thats just me, everyone is different.

 

At the end of the day I think were both staring at the mouse while the elephant in the room is suffocating us.

 

It seems that creating a connection with a man through texts and not in person is something to avoid in the future when trying to date seriously.

 

Im done with the convo and I hope you are too.

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