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I'm not disagreeing with you B, but curious - do you have an opinion as to why he continues texting her being the only reason he has not asked her out again is because she declined his invite to go back to his on their first date?

 

I mean what's his motive for continuing to text if he has no desire to see her again? Why not just "ghost" (for lack of a better word after only one date)?

 

Genuinely confused by that.

 

 

It's frustrating, but I don't know that I'll know. He has 3 kids and a new company. I travel and work/volunteer quite a bit. We're both busy people, but claim we'll make time for the right partner. I think we both had high hopes. It's been 6 days since the first date and things definitely changed from how they were pre-date. No second date even though he mentioned it several times on the date and hinted at it quite a bit after the date. It's possible that I'll still get some text from him trying to set up some last minute weekend dinner or hangout, but I'm not counting on it. I know he has plans with his kids this weekend and I'm booking out my weekend. I'm out of town next week(end). I guess this is one isn't happening...

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I was always ridiculously busy and dated very busy men with rare exception. We made time for each other. If he wasn’t available to date because of his busy life he wouldn’t have taken the time to post a profile and text you and meet you. Sorry this is disappointing.

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I don't know what changed in the last couple of days. Maybe he started talking to someone new? He was was enthusiastic in the day after our date, but seeing me clearly isn't a priority for him. I agree that people make time for people when they want to. Disappointing since I haven't really had much interest in dating since my last relationship ended. I'm pretty happy being single, but my friends pretty much forced me to try online dating and he was the only person to catch my eye. I guess at least nice to know I'm still capable of romantic feelings. I'm a big girl; I'll get over it.

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I don't know what changed in the last couple of days. Maybe he started talking to someone new? He was was enthusiastic in the day after our date, but seeing me clearly isn't a priority for him. I agree that people make time for people when they want to. Disappointing since I haven't really had much interest in dating since my last relationship ended. I'm pretty happy being single, but my friends pretty much forced me to try online dating and he was the only person to catch my eye. I guess at least nice to know I'm still capable of romantic feelings. I'm a big girl; I'll get over it.

 

Many people change their mind after the first meet or one date. I remember one first meet that lasted about an hour -about every 15 minutes he'd exclaim "I really want to see you again!!!" and asked me if I would - I was uncomfortable but said I would (felt put on the spot but figured he was nervous) -guess what. He did call -three weeks later on a Friday night with some lame excuse. Left a message. Anyway out of the 100 or so guys I met in person, unless we had a time/place plan for another date I assumed that our first date was our last -because we didn't have any plans to see each other - and that if he wanted to see me again he'd be in touch. I didn't try to read into "enthusiasm" - or anything really -just focused on whether there was another plan and if not I moved on and if he called, great, if not ok too.

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Here's one for ya:

 

Text from boring guy, the rich one, who invited me for cookout and his hot tub as a first date.

I ignored his last two texts because I told him I'd meet for a quick drink when he could(wasn't going to a strangers home)

But he never set anything up to do that. I was clear on not feeling okay going to his home

 

Texts last night he's wondering how I am and wanted to say hi because even though we never met, he thinks I'm a really nice person. I reply thanks, hi, I'm well, that was a sweet message, hope you're well too. Four hours go by, he replies after 11 pm with "I'm well, thanks. Have a great summer, you can keep contact if you want" something like that.

 

Pfffffffttttttttttt..........? Am I am supposed to chase him because he's wealthy? Nah. I'm worth more than his money and his damn Fisker car however the hell you spell that lol. Why not just say hey wanna grab that drink? Not now I don't. Not ever lol.

 

This is called high jacking a post and it's incredibly rude. If you want to talk about your own issues, etc...send a private message.

 

I hope you're getting things worked out OP, sorry you're having such problems. Just take it as a lesson learnt.

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It's very possible he's multidating as many people do when they are arranging to meet people from online. It sounds like his main objective is hooking up so he probably got lucky elsewhere.

I don't know what changed in the last couple of days. Maybe he started talking to someone new?
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It's very possible he's multidating as many people do when they are arranging to meet people from online. It sounds like his main objective is hooking up so he probably got lucky elsewhere.

 

To me there's a difference between multidating and looking to hook up. For example I always multidated whether i met the person through an online site or otherwise because I was looking for marriage. I was not looking to hook up and screened out those who did. Those people who are looking to hook up use online sites to meet people for that purpose. People who are looking to casually date might as well. And people looking to meet more people through online sites in addition to other ways so they can find a good long term match might very well be multidating. From what the OP described it sounds like he might be looking for something long term as he said but either didn't see compatibility with the OP but was up for a hook up or is a person who values hooking up first and deciding later whether there is long term potential. Since she doesn't, he moved on.

Or of course he just decided on reflection that he wasn't interested in seeing her again which often happens in all sorts of situations where strangers meet for the first time. It really doesn't matter why - dating requires a thick skin especially if your goal is something potentially serious. What matters is trying to move on ASAP and leave the ego out of it when it has to do with a near stranger met one time. That way she can keep an open mind and her options open to meet a potentially good match.

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He has already blown her off by taking ages to ask for a second date. Why keep pretending that he likes her? He wanted sex, she didn't give it, now he's dragging his feet.

No need to sugar coat that, it's more than obvious.

 

Thank you! This defending of dudes just trying to get laid baffles me sometimes.

 

Then if she comes back and says we slept together and he won't talk to me then she should have 'seen the signs' or 'shouldn't have been drinking on the first date' or what was said by sweetgirl about 'if he cared he wouldn't have let you have all those drinks' ( that statement was rude to me too btw) all these rules comes out afterward but the fact is the signs are there now why give the benefit of the doubt? If she wants a relationship there's no use in treading on thin ice with a guy who's intentions are pretty darn clear.

 

OPer I have to point something out to you too if you want sex then have sex but if youre gonna lead with it, you can't be that girl on dating advice forums wondering why you can't get a second date. That means that insecurity is already bubbling under the surface and you will not be able to handle if he hits it and quits it which is a very very real possibility here. The signs are all there glowing bright. His showing off his kids is not an indicator of intentions. I can't tell you the amount of dudes with their children with them on their profile pics who I've have to block because they said something vulgar or wanted to show me their d*cks. The dating world can be rough if your relationship minded, stop meeting up late and drinking on a first date and stop hanging onto guys who are flakey, it's counterproductive.

 

Good luck and keep us updated 😊😊

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Thank you! This defending of dudes just trying to get laid baffles me sometimes.

 

Then if she comes back and says we slept together and he won't talk to me then she should have 'seen the signs' or 'shouldn't have been drinking on the first date' or what was said by sweetgirl about 'if he cared he wouldn't have let you have all those drinks' ( that statement was rude to me too btw) all these rules comes out afterward but the fact is the signs are there now why give the benefit of the doubt? If she wants a relationship there's no use in treading on thin ice with a guy who's intentions are pretty darn clear.

 

OPer I have to point something out to you too if you want sex then have sex but if youre gonna lead with it, you can't be that girl on dating advice forums wondering why you can't get a second date. That means that insecurity is already bubbling under the surface and you will not be able to handle if he hits it and quits it which is a very very real possibility here. The signs are all there glowing bright. His showing off his kids is not an indicator of intentions. I can't tell you the amount of dudes with their children with them on their profile pics who I've have to block because they said something vulgar or wanted to show me their d*cks. The dating world can be rough if your relationship minded, stop meeting up late and drinking on a first date and stop hanging onto guys who are flakey, it's counterproductive.

 

Good luck and keep us updated 😊😊

 

 

I'm certainly not trying to lead with sex. There was obvious physical chemistry, but we never touched inappropriately or went past kissing and I didn't go home with him. I don't have sex outside of relationships, but that doesn't mean I can't kiss a little. Sex is a normal thing for attracted adults to want, but each person has their own comfort level and pace when it comes to a new partner.

 

This guy was never vulgar. I don't usually meet up late and I generally only have one drink. The date got pushed from the night before because of work. It got pushed to later in the evening due to his child's event. Anyway, what happened happened. I went through a very bad breakup and just haven't wanted to date anyone since. Nobody online or anywhere else has made me feel anything at all. This is the only guy that has made me feel giddy and nervous in years. I'm generally very happy with my life and don't have much interest in dating these days.

 

I pretty much wrote off seeing this guy again. Maybe he was only after one thing and I didn't give it to him. Maybe he was a good guy and I wasn't my best self so I took myself out of the running. Anyway, tonight I decided to text him and just apologize for that third drink last weekend and let him know I was embarrassed. I said it was nice meeting him and wished him a nice weekend. He responded saying he loved being with me and that he would like to go out to dinner this week. We'll see if that happens...

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I'm certainly not trying to lead with sex. There was obvious physical chemistry, but we never touched inappropriately or went past kissing and I didn't go home with him. I don't have sex outside of relationships, but that doesn't mean I can't kiss a little. Sex is a normal thing for attracted adults to want, but each person has their own comfort level and pace when it comes to a new partner.

 

This guy was never vulgar. I don't usually meet up late and I generally only have one drink. The date got pushed from the night before because of work. It got pushed to later in the evening due to his child's event. Anyway, what happened happened. I went through a very bad breakup and just haven't wanted to date anyone since. Nobody online or anywhere else has made me feel anything at all. This is the only guy that has made me feel giddy and nervous in years. I'm generally very happy with my life and don't have much interest in dating these days.

 

I pretty much wrote off seeing this guy again. Maybe he was only after one thing and I didn't give it to him. Maybe he was a good guy and I wasn't my best self so I took myself out of the running. Anyway, tonight I decided to text him and just apologize for that third drink last weekend and let him know I was embarrassed. I said it was nice meeting him and wished him a nice weekend. He responded saying he loved being with me and that he would like to go out to dinner this week. We'll see if that happens...

 

Yes - he knows you are interested and that your apology was mostly to get in contact again (that would be my impression even if you sincerely felt the need to apologize now, by text), and it is now up to him to step up to the plate and actually make a plan. I get messages all the time from potential platonic friends who say lovely things like that about getting together with no follow through. It's all in the follow through IMO.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Yes - he knows you are interested and that your apology was mostly to get in contact again (that would be my impression even if you sincerely felt the need to apologize now, by text), and it is now up to him to step up to the plate and actually make a plan. I get messages all the time from potential platonic friends who say lovely things like that about getting together with no follow through. It's all in the follow through IMO.

 

In the time since our first date we've attempted to go out and we've had to cancel due to work. I've travelled twice and he's travelled once. We are trying for a second date this week (a month after our first). Fingers crossed that it will happen this week! The communication isn't as heavy as it was right before we met, but we've been in consistent communication for over a month and a half now.

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In the time since our first date we've attempted to go out and we've had to cancel due to work. I've travelled twice and he's travelled once. We are trying for a second date this week (a month after our first). Fingers crossed that it will happen this week! The communication isn't as heavy as it was right before we met, but we've been in consistent communication for over a month and a half now.

 

Sounds good!

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In the time since our first date we've attempted to go out and we've had to cancel due to work. I've travelled twice and he's travelled once. We are trying for a second date this week (a month after our first). Fingers crossed that it will happen this week! The communication isn't as heavy as it was right before we met, but we've been in consistent communication for over a month and a half now.

 

That must have been one hell of an awesome first date for you to be spending this much mental energy on him still, lol. :D

 

I hope it works out for you, keep us posted!

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  • 3 weeks later...
That must have been one hell of an awesome first date for you to be spending this much mental energy on him still, lol. :D

 

I hope it works out for you, keep us posted!

 

 

We did go on that second date last week and it was pretty great. We have another date planned for tonight and we've continued to text daily. He's pretty adorable about everything. I don't know if he's really just out of practice dating (as he claims) or a total player, but I'm having fun right now. I'm a crazy planner and he's not at all. We'll see if we can meet in the middle somewhere.

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It took over a month to get to the 2nd date? Why so long?

 

Not to be a negative nellie, but I would guess he was dating someone else that didn't work out, so circled back to OP. He'd never admit this, but in my experience, that's usually what's happening, no matter what reasons (he's busy) he gave her.

 

Not that there is anything wrong with that necessarily, he and OP only had the one date.

 

mcnugget, I'm glad you had a fabulous second date and have another planned, have fun and enjoy! :D

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Not to be a negative nellie, but I would guess he was dating someone else that didn't work out, so circled back to OP. He'd never admit this, but in my experience, that's usually what's happening, no matter what reasons (he's busy) he gave her.

 

Not that there is anything wrong with that necessarily, he and OP only had the one date.

 

mcnugget, I'm glad you had a fabulous second date and have another planned, have fun and enjoy! :D

 

We had a couple of dates that fell through because he ran too late at work. Where it just got late at night and I pulled the trigger and would just make the call that it wasn't going to happen. We would try to reschedule and we would run into travel issue after travel issue. He has his kids on weekends a lot so it just didn't work out even when we were both in town.

 

He claims he hasn't dated anyone else since we met, but I have so it really doesn't matter. He says he is really out of practice because he hasn't dated since his last relationship ended a year ago.

 

He has a very cute date planned for tonight. We've been in pretty much daily contact for 2 months now. Great that he is finally stepping it up a little, but I'm not reading too much into it. We shall see where it goes.

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I love your attitude mcnugget, and it just goes to show that things are not always as they appear to be.

 

Virtually all the posters on this thread had him only wanting sex, a booty call, would never want a relationship with you, the list goes on.

 

When in reality, no one had any idea what was going on in his head.

 

But you had faith and trust and chose to give it more time, continued texting and look what happened?

 

You had a beautiful second date, another one tonight, he's stepping up, it all sounds very positive! So far.

 

I went through sort of the same thing, received some less than positive responses, but chose to follow my own gut, and we've been dating for 3.5 months!

 

Taking our first long getaway next week to celebrate my birthday!

 

Anyway, stay positive, keep expectations in check and enjoy! :D

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Hey McNugget, I've kind of had a different take on the situation than a majority, and I'm glad you finally got that date...and another. I see you both as very busy, and obviously this is going to be problematic, but as a parent, dating is...hard. This guy is "on" all the time. He works full time and has his kids he cares for, and they have school and extracurricular activities, birthday parties, and homework, etc. When he has free time, he may not want to go out, and maybe he just wants to become one with the sofa with a movie and some dinner, and would enjoy someone to participate with him, cuddling, conversation. Sure, he wants to go out once in awhile too, but a night at home is very appealing. Oh yeah, sex is definitely on the wish list...you both wanted it. I don't understand why wanting sex is such an evil thing. It's pretty standard.

 

Wanting to watch a show at home isn't always code for sex or ONS...often it is, but this guy seems to be a nice guy who is genuinely interested in you and seeing where this goes. We all know that with some privacy, clothes have a habit of coming off, and things might move too fast...so you avoid such circumstances. I'm not gathering from your description that getting you into bed was his only motivation.

 

As far as having one too many? Honestly, I doubt this killed anything...obviously since you finally landed another date. He may have had some reservation, but considered this as probably (hopefully) a one-off and a second or third date will allow him to see if over-drinking is a consistent problem or not. If he was that judgmental and called it off after that one slip-up (and you weren't thoroughly trashed, by any stretch), we can probably be thankful a bullet got dodged. No one needs someone so highly judgmental in their lives. We're humans. You, of course, will be a bit more careful in the future, but goodness, gracious, we're all human and things happen. You sound like someone who has learned through experience what your limits are and when to stop...and once in awhile...oopsie...you have that one drink that pushes you over the edge. It happens to the best of us.

 

Your own very busy lifestyle seems to be a bit of an obstacle. If you're too busy to blend with his busy lifestyle, it's just a non-starter. Personally, I'm not all that excited to pursue a relationship with someone that busy. He may stick it out for awhile, but if you're just really not ever around or available, he's going to move on to someone who is...and vice versa. You may tire of this volleying back and forth and he never has the time when you do, so you move on. Since you have finally managed a second date and even a third, hopefully your lives have settled a little that you can actually see each other more often and see where this goes. It's a good sign that you have both been interested enough in each other to persist to a point that you have been able to get the time...hopefully this continues. :)

 

I'm also excited about an update!

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