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Also, Blue, been reflecting on this truth (copied below) and learning to respect my own power... which helps me keep my observations to myself. I see around a lot of corners. Nobody needs to know what I see. We each need to hack away at the overbrush on our own paths, no matter how clear our path seems to others.

 

Someone who can see around too many of our own corners before us is just "too much," just as it's "too little" to be with someone too focused on their own maze to see the parts of our own that are still dark to us.
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Is your new suitor healthy - I am asking because I know that obese people can otherwise be healthy -so I've heard. I dated someone morbidly obese who started a major diet when we were dating. I think he ended up yo yoing again but he later got married and I think he is slim now.

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Is your new suitor healthy - I am asking because I know that obese people can otherwise be healthy -so I've heard. I dated someone morbidly obese who started a major diet when we were dating. I think he ended up yo yoing again but he later got married and I think he is slim now.

 

I presume not healthy, but healthy as far as I can tell. From old pics he appears to have been pretty consistent until he was about 50..Linebacker build - was one, in fact.

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I presume not healthy, but healthy as far as I can tell. From old pics he appears to have been pretty consistent until he was about 50..Linebacker build - was one, in fact.

 

Yes, I get that. You're fit and into fitness, right?

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yes... he's been an athlete and a coach...

 

Yes I get that. Are you ok with being a caregiver sooner than later and also not being as active since he likely cannot keep up with you for now, despite his past? I'm not thinking of the "attraction" issue at all -just health.

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Yes I get that. Are you ok with being a caregiver sooner than later and also not being as active since he likely cannot keep up with you for now, despite his past? I'm not thinking of the "attraction" issue at all -just health.

 

I am interested in reducing the likelihood that health is an issue. My healthy parent died 15 years sooner than my unhealthy one; I know that I may not have a choice with respect to my own or my family's health. His weight is a risk. His attitude may negate that somewhat. Reduce the weight, keep the attitude, and we have a winner.

 

More impactfully, perhaps, the weight may represent emotional burdens. As he moves on with his life, he may find it easy to shed this shell. I hope so.

 

Based on his commitment to healthy eating lasting two days length, I know nothing.

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Oh -- its okay re sharing or not sharing fitness activities; I am used to that. For now he seems to have the energy necessary for being outdoors. It won't be that way forever unless he lightens up.

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Seeing the new guy again tomorrow. Its nice that he is holding my interest. Then I get weekend time with one of my teens, one on one for a few days, and then a few days working and on my own. Life is feeling more balanced than ever - and it is an organizational feat to pull that off. Enjoying.

 

What a journey.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Its never simple is it? No it isn't because we are humans, multidimensional. Dating isn't products it is about people. And yet the choices we make have enormous impact on the course our futures will take. In ways unknown.

 

I am interested in learning more, that is becoming my simple test.

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Its never simple is it?

 

Well, if we accept that humans are multidimensional then it is kind of simple, no? I like to think of my best relationships, romantic and otherwise, as simple systems built with complex parts. Finding the right parts—well, that's the tough part.

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I also like to think of the less onerous ways dating all those people affected my life. Yesterday my husband's best friend's mother in law passed away and I still remember when we were on our 8 year "break" going to a guy's apartment (just to hang after a date -he lived right above a popular coffee shop for first meets lol- nothing happened!) and seeing a photo of his sister and her family. She was married to my husband's best friend. I have facebook friends and friends in real life I met through men I casually dated, etc,

 

I read a great story in Oprah mag yesterday -guy comes from Germany to the US as a high school exchange student. He loves basketball. Asks a classmate/neighbor where he can go play. Neighbor points and says "go three houses down - they love doing pickup games plus a really hot girl lives there." He does so, meets and falls in love with girl and decides he will propose in front of the house they met even though they now live elsewhere. They return there and he proposes and they're thrilled. And that's when he learns his friend was mistaken -he was supposed to go FOUR houses down not three for the hot girl.

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I have been getting to know this person over meals and talks. He comes forth readily with things that might scare me away; they haven't. I enjoy his company, am getting a sense of interests and values and visions. It is enchanting that he is clear about asking me out and "waiting" for my slower pace.

 

His business hosts an event. My exbf is on the invitation list. I wonder if he will skip it like he has skipped everything else. My exbf is NOT on the list for the more exclusive event - that's good. Fishbowl world.

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Okay, let me just say I really do not like meeting someone after everyone (how it feels, obviously not everyone) has been working with him for decades and formed their own opinions. I feel this is both wrong of me (its my opinion that counts) and right; we readily do this is within our own communities. As a woman in a male dominated world, I am outside of the most knowledgeable circles of insider knowledge. As a woman, I have a limited number of opportunities to go back to this well. My exbf, same industry but within a more specific network. No leverage over my job or my network. This guy - he knows the most senior people in my local office, he knows people who were willing to speak of me to him and yet I don't even know who they are. He knows my customers, he knows my business channels. I can not be reckless.

 

He understands this. I appreciate that.

 

He seemingly has a reasonably high emotional IQ. I appreciate that.

 

I have run into this feeling before, and much of it is appropriate but some of it is not. Some of it comes from a place of shame, and objectification of men and myself. The graceful thought for me to remember is "Yes, I am grateful he is in such a good place now." If I hear any push back, which I won't (if any, it won't be to my face) I can offer acceptance and confidence, something all of us needs from our friends from time to time.

 

This is what I will remember. Also, I will continue to exercise discretion until this thing has some legs.

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