Jump to content

Dad has terminal cancer and relationship stress


kara025
 Share

Recommended Posts

I'm not sure where this should be posted, but thought this subforum would be most appropriate since my relationship seems to be heading in this direction at the moment :upset:

 

Last year my father was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. The doctors gave him until the end of the year to live. He beat that prognosis and is still here with us now, however he is not in the best of shape. Recently the family and I have been arguing and fighting a lot (brother + mom VS younger siblings + me) about money, treatment, etc. and the stress has taken a huge toll on all of us. For me, it has grimly affected my work (unproductive and can't focus), my health (depressed, no appetite, and sleepless nights), and my 1 year relationship with my boyfriend (less affectionate and pessimistic).

 

Understandably this has been starting to affect Eric as well and it's starting to stress the foundation of our relationship. He complains that I am no longer fun and positive (like at the beginning of our relationship), which I wholeheartedly agree with (although I try to find some moments!). To make matters worse, I feel like I have very limited strength and energy to put into the relationship at this point and as a result, we are deteriorating.

 

It sucks because I also want to go back to being that fun-loving, positive person as well and I can't tell him when or promise that I will be that person again once my father passes away. We've talked at length about this but he seems to be loosing patience. I don't know what to do; I've been seeing a therapist regularly and told him that I will actively work on my stress and our relationship (in addition to improving family relations) but it is definitely slow going. I really don't want to loose him but I don't know what else to do.

 

Our relationship has been pretty strong for the last year with few disagreements and we have been getting to know each other quite slowly since my family situation has always been in the background. I'm not sure if our relationship is falling apart because we are now out of the honeymoon phase or if it's the added stress.

 

Any advice would be very welcome. And feel free to ask any questions as I've left out a lot here. Sorry if it's a bit jumbled; I'm feeling out of sorts :upset:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It may be time to seriously reevaluate this bf. He's treating you like you need to entertain him and be as shallow as possible for the sake of his amusement.

it's starting to stress the foundation of our relationship. He complains that I am no longer fun and positive
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Very sorry about your Dad. Instead of considering ways to be cheerful for BF, I'd reconsider why BF won't comprehend the gravity of what you're living through and whether he'd make the kind of life partner you deserve.

 

You could find some of your stress alleviated by walking away from the BF.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you need to adhere to the Serenity Prayer -- decide what items are in your control or you cannot change and what you can. It may be that you decide that dad and mom are the best ones to decide what his care plan is and you step out of bickering with everyone about it. If siblings try to needle you about it -- "dad and mom are choosing what they feel is best". And money? Unless you are being asked to contribute financially to dad's care - then you should be vocal -- but if the bickering is about mom and dad's money or inheritance - its mom and dad's money to do as they please and you should stay out of it.

 

Its okay if you are stressed about feeling upset about losing dad eventually, that's normal - but all of this other garbage -- let go and decide if its truly something in your scope or not --- at least half of it probably isn't and you are getting into needless fights about it.

 

As far as your boyfriend - if ALL you talk about is squabbles with siblings all the time -- yes, you do need to find a way to take a breather -- to be diverted from time to time from it -- to do something that is fun for you, and to not make the focus of your life fighting. Its one thing to make dad a priority - visiting with him a lot, etc, but its another thing to decide to let bickering with your siblings your whole life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...