Seeking Advice: Initiating and Texting

[WaywardKiwi]

Hey everyone,

 

Note: I don't do short posts... which is kind of reflective of my problem... TL;DR - Skip to 'The Problem'

 

So, I am totally useless at this whole dating thing. Well, maybe not the dating thing - I think if I can actually get to the date, I generally can handle that. My problem is more with the initial phases between meeting a girl, getting her number, contacting her and setting up a date. It's mostly an overthinking thing, I think (also an inexperience thing). So here is the situation I am currently in. I think everything is probably all good, but I welcome hearing some outside perspectives and tips.

 

The Situation

 

Last Saturday, I was out with some friends celebrating a birthday. I am living in Japan, in a small town, so we ended up at the local karaoke bar. It was a busy night, and another group came in after us - 4 men and one woman. A one point I was sitting apart from my group when I made some eye-contact with this woman, gave her a smile (she was cute) and headed back to my group. About 15 minutes later she came over and joined us. She was VERY drunk and touchy with everyone.. Chatted a bit with her and my friends around the table, then she dragged me and another friend to her group to meet her friends. At this stage, I was chatting with her friends more than her, sitting apart. They were cool guys, and I enjoy meeting new people, plus at this stage, I just took her for a super friendly drunk (I had no designs). She left and rejoined my group for a bit, a few songs pass, I end up back at my table and her at her table. Another hour or so passes (I am getting progressive more drunk) and the two groups sing some songs together, but no real interaction. Anyway, at some point (not enitrely sure when), her and I end up sitting on the same chair, and she has her arms around me, me her (both drunk, but her much more so). We sing, laugh, joke with her group for a good hour, she is being very touchy feely with me only now. We are also joking and chatting together. We kiss a little, but not making out. Finally, her group is leaving. I say goodbye, tell her I think she is cute and give her my LINE (the primary messenging app in Japan). She messages me immediately (in front of me) saying thank you, and leaves. I stay with my friends another 2 hours, and end up even more drunk. Great fun, especially for them giving me s**t.

 

Next day, I message her (in Japanese - this is what I intended to say, important my Japanese is not great so...):

 

"I had a lot of fun last night. You are cute and fun, but also a bit crazy, which I like. I am moving in July, but I'd like to see you again before I go. If you like to as well, let me know."

"I had fun too. You are moving in July! I'd like to see you again before you go too."

"Let's eat together and do something, and maybe you can teach me some more bad words."

 

Then I gave her my basic schedule, and said let me know when you are free. I actually made a mistake in my Japanese, so I sent a follow txt correcting it (using wrong Kanji can make a message completely nonsensical very easily) and jokingly said 'Japanese is hard, isn't it?'

 

Basically, from there a conversation flowed for the next two days (up until last night), messaging every few hours. Often shortish, but with both sides asking questions, ranging from sorta serious to nothing/small talk. I did note that she didn't acknowledge me giving her schedule, but was responsive when I suggested we go for a drive and a picnic sometime (we were talking about how we both enjoy driving). Last night, I asked:

 

"Would you like to have dinner with me on Wednesday?"

"Can you do Thursday or Friday?"

"Sorry, I have a friend coming from Tokyo from Thursday to Sunday, so I will be busy entertaining them"

"It's okay. We'll find some time next week!"

"Next week? OK!"

 

I text her good night about an hour later (all these interchanges are with hour or so gaps). She replied the same (last text).

 

The Problem

 

Obviously I am not looking for anything serious, and I think she knows that (I told her up front I am moving away in 2 months). That said, I'd like to actually get to know her and maybe have a casual, short-term relationship, leading into a friendship after I move possibly. I do actually like her at this stage; she is attractive both physically and personality wise. I don't know her personal situation super well - I would guess she is around my age (30 - 35). My friend thinks she was wearing a wedding ring, but I did ask her about that on the night and she said she is single, so maybe divorced?

 

My big problem is how often I should contact her now. Our conversation was pretty easy last two days, however I know for a fact I have a bad tendency to over-text and sorta ruin the excitement/mystery before actually spending time together (I have been told this by several girls who are friends who I met on Tinder lol i.e. they were interested by lost it because of texting). I also am super aware that there is a language barrier, so when/if we do go on a date I want to make sure I have plenty left to talk about with my limited Japanese lol. It's is slightly strange for me, because we have shown purely physical interest first (albeit drunkenly).

 

So the question is, should I just cool it for now until Sunday, then text her suggesting another date (I am thinking the following Sunday for the picnic idea, and if she can't, dinner Saturday night - I actually have something on that night, but it's not 100% expected of me to go, so I could blow it off). Or should I send a text Thurs/Fri sorta saying hey how's your week going?

 

Anyway, any advice or opinions welcome, even outside this question. I kinda need to vent out my confusion too I think lol. It's been a long time since I dated (if really at all), so I am trying my best here.

 

Thanks,

 

T

[IAmFCA]

1. Saturday night is not for 1st dates. Better for people you know you want to invest in further.

 

2. Send her a hello on Thursday and Saturday, maybe? On Sat make a plan for next week?

[WaywardKiwi]

Thanks IAmFCA,

 

To expand on my first post (can you believe that I left something out for brevity?):

 

1. I work stupidly unsocialable hours. I am on vacation this week, but from next week I am working nights Tuesday - Friday until 10pm, and daytime Saturday (until 6pm). If Sunday lunch/picnic is no good for her, do you think Sunday or Monday night for dinner? (I know she works Mondays).
    
   
2. I think she might have children. The LINE app has a profile feature, so I sorta checked that out before messaging her and there are several photos of her with two elementary aged children. I don't have any problem with that (I don't expect to meet kids if it is only short term, and even if she wanted to I have no problem as I like kids and get along with them), but it makes me aware she may have schedule restraints. I would feel weird asking her about it though... any advice on that?
   

 

Thanks,

 

T

[IAmFCA]

Thanks IAmFCA,

 

To expand on my first post (can you believe that I left something out for brevity?):

 

1. I work stupidly unsocialable hours. I am on vacation this week, but from next week I am working nights Tuesday - Friday until 10pm, and daytime Saturday (until 6pm). If Sunday lunch/picnic is no good for her, do you think Sunday or Monday night for dinner? (I know she works Mondays).
    
   
2. I think she might have children. The LINE app has a profile feature, so I sorta checked that out before messaging her and there are several photos of her with two elementary aged children. I don't have any problem with that (I don't expect to meet kids if it is only short term, and even if she wanted to I have no problem as I like kids and get along with them), but it makes me aware she may have schedule restraints. I would feel weird asking her about it though... any advice on that?
   

 

Thanks,

 

T

 

Offer Sunday or Monday dinner and let her guide you from there. Let her worry about her limitations... she can handle it.