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Getting married in 60 days, huge fight a week ago and how it's being handled


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BTW, your concerns are superficial...concerned with "embarrassment", concerned with your birthday (of all things!) being "ruined"...these things are petty and unimportant in the grand scheme of life.

 

Gee, thanks for calling me superficial. I've been going through a very rough time the last few months with severe depression, and the one thing I was actually looking forward to was my birthday. I'll be spending it at the unemployment office so I guess it's ruined anyways, right?

 

I'm going to edit and add, perhaps before you write something to someone, even a stranger on the internet, you should seriously consider their emotional plight and situation. You never know, it could be someone really hanging onto their last thread, and unkind words can do more damage than you realize.

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I commend you for mustering up the courage to talk to your husband. He needs to know your concerns and doubts. I would approach your discussion with a level voice. No shouting, raising voices, and no more ignoring; all these serve to rile each other up and not solve the issue through effective communication.

 

It seems he said those things out of anger and not from the truth. While that isn't a good trait, I bet he will say he didn't mean it; that this was a projection onto you by not resolving his document and receiving blame, which in his mind would serve to detract from his shortcomings. Perhaps it will open the discussion for what did he expect after BOTH of you agreed it will be best to find a job after the wedding. Why has he changed his decision all of the sudden?

 

I would not broach the subject of cancelling until the crux of his issue has been discovered. If he thought you were being lazy, then would he have liked you to do something else? He needs to elaborate his own thoughts and you should not answer them for him.

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I dated a man who could not apologize for anything. It was very difficult for me to be with someone like that. I just don’t think it’s a good idea to go through with it if you’re not really sure about him. Also, him dragging his feet on the prenup makes me think he’s trying to get you for something.

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Get you and him into marriage counseling ASAP! You both have serious communication issues. Let him know the prenup has nothing to do with how you both will be handling the fiances during the marriage...that is what a finical advisor is for...book an appointment.

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Thanks for the advice guys. I tried talking to him and it didn't go well at all. It just devolved into another huge fight. He kept harping on the pot smoking and I finally asked him what his point was. What was I not doing that I was supposed to be doing when I smoked pot? I was still doing all the things around the house I was supposed to do. He accused me of doing it every day during the day and I told him that the most times I ever did it was 2x in a week during the day, but I did smoke daily in the evening, which he knows. He called me a liar, but why would I lie about it? I DID smoke every day, but I like to make sure my stuff is handled before I did that. Hence why most nights I didn't even smoke until 9:30pm or even later, often only an hour or so before I went to bed.

 

He was angry and said something along the lines of, why did I have to wait until the pot was all over.. He could have flushed it or something. He even insinuated that it was my fault he smoked the last of it with me, as if I forced him to or something, which is absolute garbage nonsense. I know it gives him hangovers and he is doing big projects and gets brain fog when he smokes. I never ever would have forced or pushed him to smoke if he had to work the next day. The only reason he even smoked with me last Sunday is because he knew he wouldn't be able to work the next day, since it would be raining outside.

 

Anyways... I called him a hypocrite and basically told him he smoked too, and he still couldn't say why it even bothered him so much or what I was supposed to be doing instead. Did he want me on my hands and knees scrubbing the walls and floors?? He just kept bringing up all these pointless arguments to try to turn everything around on me. Any time he didn't have anything to say because he knew I'm right, he would just bring up something else completely pointless and off topic. I also told him it wasn't my fault that he went into this year with less money because he never worked all winter. He takes a break all winter every winter, but working corporate for 10+ years, I hardly ever get any time off. I told him I felt like he just couldn't handle me not working - was he jealous? I asked him (honestly sarcastically), What else can I POSSIBLY do for you that I don't already do? I don't give him crap when he goes for a beer or something. I don't give him crap when he was off all winter and didn't do any of the things he said he would do around the house. He had nothing to say, so then he turned it again and started asking me, "Why are you talking to me like that? Are you going to talk to me like that if we get married???" He was more interested in putting everything back on me rather than actually solving this. We were both raising voices and very frustrated by this point.

 

I finally got so frustrated with him that I ended up crying my eyes out telling him I can't marry someone who refuses to even acknowledge what I've done for him, for us, because his ego is too big to handle that he depends on me, or too big to even thank me for anything I do. Someone who won't even apologize. He then told me he didn't apologize to me because he was waiting for things to cool down. For a week?? You wait a day or maybe two, but a week??? I highly doubt he had any intentions of apologizing. He didn't believe me when I told him that if he had just sincerely apologized, this would have been over before it even started.

 

It got really bad and I ended up calling my parents crying my eyes out and told them I think we need to cancel. He was in the background screaming at me to tell them the truth (about the pot) which I didn't do, so then he later called me a liar. My point to him was, WHAT DOES IT MATTER? I still did everything I was supposed to do, HE is the only one making such an issue about the pot smoking because frankly he has no other arguments to make about me.

 

My parents are upset but told me they wouldn't tell anyone yet and that I should calm down and really think about it, because once I pull the trigger, it's done. My mom also told me that she felt like he didn't want to do the prenup, and that's why he was acting like this. His parents (Chinese) had told him it's "bad luck" and asked why we were doing the prenup. I told my parents both that I don't care if he doesn't want one, I'm not going to marry without one, period end of story. We left it like I will try to calm down and really think about what I want to do because once we pull that trigger, we can't undo it.

 

I don't see any way this can even go forward. We didn't even talk about counseling or anything because I think he'd just rather be right than actually solve this. I don't even give a damn any more who's right or wrong, I think we both are wrong in different ways, but I honestly think he has some type of psychological issue where he just needs to feel good about himself always, like he did his best but it's just my fault for being a damn pothead who sits around doing nothing all day. I told him that it seem like he just wants to be right and to "win" the argument, but nothing gets through. Then he just goes, "So you want to end it? So you want to just end it then???" ??? As if he wants to make it clear that it's my fault it's over, I'm the one who's ending it, and he's in the clear.

 

I have basically been bawling my eyes out for the last few hours, so bad that it became a full on panic attack. I'm not sure where to go from here. I've been googling to try to figure this out - what kind of person does this during an argument?

 

Sorry this was long and rambly. I'm going to go watch TV and try to relax and calm down. I'll try to post later or tomorrow if anything changes. Right now I'm 90% ready to just cancel the wedding and be done with this.

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How did the conversation begin? You, again, start with how he brought up something while already engaged in the argument, but we're missing the context of when it was brought up and how. Last time, you gave him a list of things to do as though he's a child and pressed repeatedly on a particular matter during-- at least by how you make it sound-- his rare time off from work. Context likely matters here as well.

 

Regardless, I regret not being logged in earlier. If this was going to work, the conversation needed to be as simple and brief as possible. "I want to get married, but we've obviously got some big issues, and I truly feel we, as a couple, need mediation to both go over them and how to constructively discuss them in the future." End. Book the therapist. Handle it then. Therapist not an option? Break up. You two know you're awful at communicating issues, and two months out from a wedding is the absolute worst time to cut corners. No one had any business coaching you on how to conduct a conversation from this point given the details you provided. At this point, my guess is it's finito.

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Have you ever considered the pot IS the problem?

 

Sounds like you didn’t smoke it before. But now you do. Why? Perhaps it changes what you’re like. Perhaps he doesn’t like the smell. Perhaps it makes him feel left out or awkward (imagine if he got drunk every night with you watching).

 

If I was with a partner who was unemployed and smoking regularly, I wouldn’t be happy. I would view it as irresponsible and selfish.

 

Also, agree with jman above.

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I understand what you're saying completely, but it's easy for you to say that when you don't have thousands and thousands of dollars of your own money wrapped up in it, plus what everyone else has already spent on it that they won't be getting back. As I said before, I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't.

 

Speaking as a person who is going to a destination wedding later this year.... I would rather the bride and groom tell me sooner rather than later if the wedding is off. If it is off, I will still attend the destination (as I've purchased my flight and asked for time off of work), but at least I can make my own itinerary as opposed to customizing it around the wedding. If you really want to get an annulment, then cancel the wedding now and let your guests know. They can then either get their money back from flights/hotel (or at least part of the money). And if they want to travel to your city anyway, at least they can do something else for that weekend. People only get so many days off of work, and I'm sure they'd rather not go to a wedding that's doomed.

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I'm so sorry this is happening to you now, so close to your birthday, so close to your wedding.

 

With all this talk about refunding trip cost and pot smoking, IMO what it boils down to is that you want a prenup (which seems to be a dealbreaker for you), and his parents - and by extension, him- think a prenup is bad luck. He wants to marry you without the prenup...and has been distracting you by yelling at you about other things. It's pretty slimy of him really, if he wanted to become a married man then he should learn to communicate openly and honestly with the woman he's going to be married to. Changing the subject is not going to help; trying to make you feel like a horrible person is just a douche move on his part.

 

But I'm not ready to execute him. I assume he's under a great deal of stress; perhaps he's trying to appease his parents and at the same time, give you what you want.

 

Regardless, I think you should decide absolutely, is a prenup indeed a dealbreaker? If it really is - and that's your right - then you may indeed have to cancel your wedding.

 

I'm so sorry. I hope you have a low-stress birthday.

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So you were going to marry him to get him on your insurance and now you're going to marry him so people won't miss out on a party and won't have to cancel hotels and flights?

 

Where is the love? Seriously!

 

I would be royally pissed if I shelled out for flights, hotels, an outfit and a wedding gift only to find out the couple got an annulment right after. Doubly pissed if I found out they PLANNED to do this!!!

 

Cancel the wedding!

I second this post! Not only will you really p*ss off most of your guests, but you WILL lose a LOT of friends by doing this. The far more mature thing to do is be adult about what is going on and tell you guests, let them know. The sooner you let them know, the better. It will save them a LOT of money by not needing to buy fancy outfits and wedding gifts etc.

 

You are wrong in your thinking. Totally wrong (imo).

 

I would rather cancel and lose some money than go ahead with a sham wedding, only to end it all in divorce/annulment. All it does is make YOU look really bad and you WILL lose friends.

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You need to talk to him rather than post on this thread. Seems like he's trying to put this is the past but you won't talk to him about it. You both need to clear the air. Does no good for us go advise..

 

Sent from my LG-TP450 using Tapatalk

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What assets are you trying to protect in the event of divorce? Is the house yours in your name? Do you have retirement accounts? Unfortunately he was reluctant to get engaged, reluctant to get married, reluctant to move out of your house when you threatened eviction, reluctant to sign a prenup and seems reluctant all the way around. The tug of war and chronically undermining each other won't stop at the alter. It will just become a huge legal nightmare in addition to all the passive-aggressive stand-offs and conflicts.

My mom also told me that she felt like he didn't want to do the prenup, and that's why he was acting like this. His parents (Chinese) had told him it's "bad luck" and asked why we were doing the prenup.
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Given that a ceremony and party are not the same thing as a legal marriage, which requires a certificate, I'd research what couples do when their marriage license is delayed beyond the date of their ceremony and party. Your party is independent of a ceremony, and you may find someone who can perform a ceremony of intent rather than one that binds a legal agreement.

 

Taking the pressure out of your cooker to enter a legal agreement prematurely would still enable you to go ahead with your celebration in whatever format you wish.

 

I'd question the rationale behind not seeking work prior to the wedding. You can negotiate into any offer the time you'd need to take for the trip. I'd consider the sting of partner's comment as a signal that aspects of them ring true to me. Otherwise, I wouldn't have such a strong reaction.

 

When we are clear that we're invested in doing the best we can in any given situation, we are less vulnerable to criticism. The two of you as a couple have money troubles given that he's unable to pay his share of the mortgage and you're not pulling an income. Your reaction to partner pointing that out is causing a conflict that isn't really necessary.

 

If I loved a partner enough to want to marry him, I'd apologize and step up to a proactive job search now. If I didn't love him and didn't want to marry him, then I'd cancel the wedding and change the venue instead to one of a family reunion. I'd leave partner to deal with the fallout of handling his own guests, and I'd give him x amount of time to move out of the home.

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Every time you make your case it is in your viewpoint. It isn't a good sign that through your viewpoint of the situation I see myself siding slightly more with him than you.

 

It really sounds like he does not want a prenup and much of his attacking you and your arguements are not even about what the issue is.

 

It sounds like you two just fight to fight with no constructive angle. When you engage in an argument you need to have a strategy. You need to hit a point or two and keep talking until you figure something out.

 

Don't attack stupid things that don't matter. Nit picking traits to make the other feel bad isn't what helps, it only hurts.

 

From how you describe your interaction with him, it sounds like you jumped him on his day off with a list of responsibilities he needed to get done.

 

Honestly I would be pissed about that too. If I'm working everyday and my SO isn't and she is giving me lists of stuff to do. On my day off with no forward notice either.

 

He should be taking care of his own responsibilities without you "mothering" him. That is wrong of him to not take care of stuff but also in how you handle it.

 

You keep harping at him to get the prenup and he isn't, it sounds like he doesn't want to but he doesn't tell you that either, which he should. But given how terrible you two are at resolving conflict I can see him being scared too.

 

So you bring up your issues you have with him and he doesn't do/address them so you get mad. But he brings up your pot smoking repeatedly and you just say "that isn't an issue".

 

Do you see how that has a bit of a double standard? You issues with him need resolution but you discount his issues with you as being "baseless".

 

Also, this huge and expensive wedding you stated wasn't the desire of you or your SO but that of YOUR parents. That alone can cause a lot of resentment and stress.

 

You also talk about your job loss and depression.

 

I understand you are going through a lot and it is very hard on you. But he is going through all that too. It just seems like you expect him to deal with you with a padded glove because of all this but you won't take the same approach dealing with him.

 

Through you entire post you are also very matter-of-fact and calculated. The way you talk about your SO makes it seem like there is only a relationship of convienance and no love.

 

It is really seems like you aren't even in love with this guy. It made me sad seeing your language/tone towards your relationship as a whole.

 

This relationship seems very disfunctionally, mainly due to both of you being unable to have a constructive argument.

 

I will also say that premarital consoling is a must. My wife and I had very healthy communication and no issues and we still did 6 1-hour sessions.

 

If you can't invest even a few hours to help ensure the success of your marriage now what chance do you have later when you need a lot more than a few sessions?

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You both don't have much money or assets other than a house with a mortgage on it, so I am not sure why you two need a pre-nup. Pre-nups are recommended when you have six to seven figures in liquidity (whether pension, savings, investments), and commercial buildings or other properties that are not a full-time residence. If his business is a corporation he started before your union, you are not readily entitled to it especially the dissolution policy is set up that way. I just think you are hell-bent on this pre-nup because you really don't want to get married to this guy.

 

But if you want to keep up the wedding just to keep up with appearances, then good luck. But, life is too short to stand up publicly to the world and declare your love to a man you don't really want to be with, but have been with so long that you are just settling because you are out of a job. You have 60 days, you may not be able to get back all of your deposits, but you can always have it kept as credit for a new date, or just chaulk it up as a life lesson that you need to be honest with yourself about whether you should be with this guy or not. $15K is nothing when compared to 10 years of misery.

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You both don't have much money or assets other than a house with a mortgage on it, so I am not sure why you two need a pre-nup. Pre-nups are recommended when you have six to seven figures in liquidity (whether pension, savings, investments), and commercial buildings or other properties that are not a full-time residence. If his business is a corporation he started before your union, you are not readily entitled to it especially the dissolution policy is set up that way. I just think you are hell-bent on this pre-nup because you really don't want to get married to this guy.

 

But if you want to keep up the wedding just to keep up with appearances, then good luck. But, life is too short to stand up publicly to the world and declare your love to a man you don't really want to be with, but have been with so long that you are just settling because you are out of a job. You have 60 days, you may not be able to get back all of your deposits, but you can always have it kept as credit for a new date, or just chaulk it up as a life lesson that you need to be honest with yourself about whether you should be with this guy or not. $15K is nothing when compared to 10 years of misery.

 

I agree.

You don't need a prenup if you are just the average person with an average bank account renting an apartment.

To me, in that case, a prenup says "i plan to divorce. I don't trust you".

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Given that a ceremony and party are not the same thing as a legal marriage, which requires a certificate, I'd research what couples do when their marriage license is delayed beyond the date of their ceremony and party. Your party is independent of a ceremony, and you may find someone who can perform a ceremony of intent rather than one that binds a legal agreement.

 

Taking the pressure out of your cooker to enter a legal agreement prematurely would still enable you to go ahead with your celebration in whatever format you wish.

 

I'd question the rationale behind not seeking work prior to the wedding. You can negotiate into any offer the time you'd need to take for the trip. I'd consider the sting of partner's comment as a signal that aspects of them ring true to me. Otherwise, I wouldn't have such a strong reaction.

 

When we are clear that we're invested in doing the best we can in any given situation, we are less vulnerable to criticism. The two of you as a couple have money troubles given that he's unable to pay his share of the mortgage and you're not pulling an income. Your reaction to partner pointing that out is causing a conflict that isn't really necessary.

 

If I loved a partner enough to want to marry him, I'd apologize and step up to a proactive job search now. If I didn't love him and didn't want to marry him, then I'd cancel the wedding and change the venue instead to one of a family reunion. I'd leave partner to deal with the fallout of handling his own guests, and I'd give him x amount of time to move out of the home.

 

Actually, no one's wedding license is delayed -- you can go down to the courthouse and obtain one -- some jurisdictions require you to wait 3 days from the time you get the certificate to the actual ceremony, some do not and they are good for 30 days. in some places, much longer. maybe 60??

 

I would be very upset to come a distance and attend a "ceremony of intent". I rather that my niece/sister called off the wedding - and if she was stuck with the caterer because it was already paid for and they would not allow her a credit to use at another time, have a charity fundraiser or a get together instead - i would attend that to support her (she would likely be making the best of things). But i would NOT attend a 'wedding' of two people that are promising to "intend to marry" or a party thrown for two people under the guise of "it was going to be a wedding, but it isn't." and i did not know this until I was actually there. i would want the courtesy of knowing and being able to cancel my plans (right now, with 60 days left, many airlines will let someone transfer the tickets to a different trip).

 

I attended a VERY big wedding (not a lavish wedding, but a big wedding) and the couple didn't last 6 months and were legally divorced within a year of their wedding. And we all had bought expensive presents knowing it was a very young couple who didn't have the basics. There had been reservations that they were not 'ready" on each of their parts, but they went ahead anyways. I wish they would have not had the wedding and would have dated another year or two or would have broken up.

 

I think you need to attend marriage counseling STAT. I think you need to postpone the wedding completely and tell guests NOW. you need to ask the caterer if you can get your money back OR will they honor the deposit for another date (and that could be for any event).

 

btw, if he has a business, the prenup would benefit him more than you, wouldn't it? and he is not running to get one.

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Actually, no one's wedding license is delayed

 

I hear, but it's also not displayed. Nobody needs to know the legalities behind the gathering. If the prenup isn't completed, then delaying the license is an option. The celebration is independent of that and can be arranged however you want to arrange it--including not accepting gifts or sending them back afterward.

 

This isn't ideal, but it does take the pressure out of some arbitrary cooker. Why enter a legal bond prematurely and against one's better judgment based on some locked in calendar date and the expectations of others?

 

You can cancel a wedding or morph it into something else--a family reunion, an engagement party--whatever. My point is just that it makes no sense to base the course of one's future on a destination party. You're not obligated to sign onto a marriage you don't want.

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I hear, but it's also not displayed. Nobody needs to know the legalities behind the gathering. If the prenup isn't completed, then delaying the license is an option. The celebration is independent of that and can be arranged however you want to arrange it--including not accepting gifts or sending them back afterward.

 

This isn't ideal, but it does take the pressure out of some arbitrary cooker. Why enter a legal bond prematurely and against one's better judgment based on some locked in calendar date and the expectations of others?

 

You can cancel a wedding or morph it into something else--a family reunion, an engagement party--whatever. My point is just that it makes no sense to base the course of one's future on a destination party. You're not obligated to sign onto a marriage you don't want.

 

An acquaintance of mine had to delay her wedding and it was a destination wedding- all tickets bought, etc. She told everyone it would be a party instead and I guess her guests treated it as a vacation. They married within that year I think. In another case right before my friend's wedding her parents learned she'd gotten secretly married months earlier so now she couldn't have a traditional catholic ceremony (also her husband hadn't done his annulment). So they did a renewal of the vows plus the party. I thought that was fine. I would never, ever get married because of money spent on a party. I cancelled my wedding 6 weeks before -invitations were not out but we'd paid for the venue etc and already received some gifts. We returned all gifts and I believe the dresses were returnable too (other than my wedding dress - I'd bought it used, I gave it back on consignment and the store stole it). Anyway, never ever get married because a party has been planned. Been there, so glad I didn't do that and would hate to be a guest at a non-wedding unless I knew that in advance.

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Hey everyone,

 

Thanks for the responses so far. I've gotten a lot of different viewpoints since the last responses which I'll try to address, but I also have an update. A few things I wanted to clear up:

 

-Someone posted asking why I even want a prenup since I don't have any assets, and it was implied I only want a prenup because I don't really want to marry my fiance. I never said I don't have any assets, and in fact I actually have quite a bit of money and assets, and my desire for a prenup long predates me even meeting him. I have always felt I would never marry anyone without a prenup, as it's just a practical thing to do, and it has nothing to do with him whatsoever.

 

-Someone mentioned that it was crappy of me to make him a list of things to do, like he's a child. It wasn't really like that. I was making a list for myself too so I could kind of get organized in my own head on what else needed to be done now and after all the RSVPs come back, and he asked me to make him a list too so he could see what needed to be done next and start working on his stuff. I gave him the list but his really only had three things on it: get fitted for a tux, finalize prenup discussions, etc.. as opposed to my list which is pretty much, the rest of the entire wedding .. Just wanted to make that clear. He was not upset remotely about the list and in fact was glad I had given it to him.

 

The update is, we actually had a long and very productive conversation last night about everything. He told me he has no problem with the prenup whatsoever, and was ready to sign it, other than one item which I am fine with changing. He doesn't really care whether his parents want one or not .. we have always been in agreement that a prenup is a good and practical idea and that really wasn't the issue. As I suspected, he was just really irritated with me for bugging him to get it done and putting a time frame on it.

 

I told him that he put me in a really crappy position by procrastinating on it and then then blowing up at me for following up on it. I told him it was really unfair of him to do that and then get mad at me for it. He agreed it wasn't unreasonable for me to try to get it moving along since we're only 60 days out, and we talked about some other instances where his procrastinating on things had led to bad results or people getting upset. He procrastinates sometimes with things for his business too, and it has negatively impacted his business and employees at times. We discussed the prenup details at length and will get clarification from my attorney on the one or two minor changes we need to make, and hopefully we can get it done within the next week or two.

 

He also told me that he felt really bad that he didn't apologize after blowing up at me, and that he should have just apologized and given me a plan for concluding the prenup. I told him I felt like his ego or pride sometimes prevented him from just apologizing or acknowledging his role in our fights and that instead of acknowledging this role, he seemed determined to always place blame squarely on me. He said he appreciated that I'm pretty quick to tell him where I went wrong or apologize to him, but he knows that he doesn't reciprocate this and he wanted me to help him work on it. He told me this was something he "learned" from his dad and that he knows it needs to change. I told him that if he doesn't acknowledge his role in these arguments, nothing about our crappy communication will change; and if nothing will change, I really don't want to marry him, and we should just end this immediately for everyone's sake. He seemed to take this pretty seriously and told me that wants to work on fixing it.

 

We also talked about the pot smoking and he said he didn't really have an issue with it, but he was concerned that I wouldn't stop. I asked him why he had concerns about me not stopping and asked him to give me examples of times where I had said something and hadn't been true to my word, or when I've been addicted to something and couldn't stop doing it. He thought about it and couldn't come up with any examples of anything, and he said that he knows I say what I mean and mean what I say. He said that he thinks once I find a job, he doesn't mind if I started smoking again or if we smoke together. I told him I have no intentions of doing that for a while anyways, since I want to focus on the job wedding and subsequent job search, but he can smoke if he wants to, I don't mind. He also kind of surprised me by saying he was actually a bit mad at me for smoking most of it since he wanted to smoke some too! Apparently after our fight, he even called his mom and told her about our fight and that we both smoke pot, and she told him it wasn't a big deal and he shouldn't have been so mean to me about it.

 

Anyways, I asked him if he was open to counseling, and truly I was expecting him to balk about it, but he very quickly agreed and said he really wanted to work on things and wanted to be a good husband to me. He told me he loved me and for the last week, he was really scared that he had screwed up so badly that I may have actually stopped loving him. He said he saw how hurt I was and that it scared him and made him think the the might have pushed me too far this time, and that I might really end it and walk away for good. He told me he loved me so much and can't wait to marry me, and he's very excited for our wedding, and so is his entire family. So he was very open to counseling and I told him I would make the arrangements. I made an appointment for counseling and we are going tomorrow evening for our first session.

 

I also called my parents and spoke to my dad today about the situation. He said he loves my fiance but he's still concerned that nothing will really change with our communication, and that we'll still fight like this. I told him I agreed and had concerns about this as well, but I felt that it was worth going to counseling to see if we could improve things, and we can and should continue after the wedding if need be. He said he knows my fiance loves me and he hopes we can improve how we resolve our conflicts.

 

Sorry that was such a long update ... I can honestly say though, I do feel so much better and less depressed than I have felt all week.

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