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people close to you... do hurt you the most


Sara28
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Last year, my mum died unexpected and everyone who said they would support me and that i always could turn to them when i have hard time dissapeared on me.

Like for example, i had a best friend (S) for over 10 years, well at least i tought she was my best friend. But a few months after my mum died i went camping with a couple of friends and my brother and he's girlfriend (T) where there to. So T. asked me to go some place elsewhere and take her car, because my brother and a friend of him where drunk. I let my brother know that we were going to another place for a couple of hours. after an hour i received an angry phone call from "my best friend" (S) who wasn't with us at the camping place btw, saying that i should immediatly take the car and go back to the camping place. She was demanding it. i told her she should mind her own business and cutt off the phone. she than messaged me that she had called the cops saying we stoled a car?? I mean, i was just devastated by her actions. What kind of "friend"does this?

Now she is bad talking me against my own brother, and since she started to do that i feel like my brother is drifting further away from me... i mean he is the only family member i got left since my mum past away.

I tried talking to him but everytime i try he just ignores me, puts he's music louder in the car or starts to dial a friends number and phone them. This is so not respectful behiavor from him.

 

Anyway i am starting to doubt myself because of this. I am always nice to people and whenever they ask something i am always the first one to listen or do any favors for them. So i do not understand why people close to me are behaving so towards me.

 

What am i doing wrong?

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Last year, my mum died unexpected and everyone who said they would support me and that i always could turn to them when i have hard time dissapeared on me.

Like for example, i had a best friend (S) for over 10 years, well at least i tought she was my best friend. But a few months after my mum died i went camping with a couple of friends and my brother and he's girlfriend (T) where there to. So T. asked me to go some place elsewhere and take her car, because my brother and a friend of him where drunk. I let my brother know that we were going to another place for a couple of hours. after an hour i received an angry phone call from "my best friend" (S) who wasn't with us at the camping place btw, saying that i should immediatly take the car and go back to the camping place. She was demanding it. i told her she should mind her own business and cutt off the phone. she than messaged me that she had called the cops saying we stoled a car?? I mean, i was just devastated by her actions. What kind of "friend"does this?

Now she is bad talking me against my own brother, and since she started to do that i feel like my brother is drifting further away from me... i mean he is the only family member i got left since my mum past away.

I tried talking to him but everytime i try he just ignores me, puts he's music louder in the car or starts to dial a friends number and phone them. This is so not respectful behiavor from him.

 

Anyway i am starting to doubt myself because of this. I am always nice to people and whenever they ask something i am always the first one to listen or do any favors for them. So i do not understand why people close to me are behaving so towards me.

 

What am i doing wrong?

First off I am so sorry about your mum. I honestly can't imagine but I can completely empathize with you.

The person that was your best friend is no longer the same person. People change constantly and often for no reason. Just accept what you can't change and look to the future. With all the pain and changes going on in your life you have overlooked something of extreme importance. YOU! You probably cant remember the last time you did something completely for yourself just for fun. You have to do that for yourself starting immediately. The reason you feel so lost right now is because you are losing who you are and allowing your personal happiness to slip away. The only person you can control or change ir fix is yourself. So allow yourself to be happy for you. It will help you to better cope with all you have in your life right now I promise.

As for your brother I'm certain it isn't you. He is mourning your mum as well but also realize he is morning the life he used to have as well. He has been forced to grow up and take over responsibilities he didnt ask for but he will gladly accept. Its hard because he knows he is all you have and it weighs him down a little trying to fill anothers shoes. Also the angsr it resentment you pick up from him is his grief coming out. Give him some time and little space and he will come around.

Back to your old best friend. The things she is saying are all false. You know this anyone that really cares about you knows this. My advice is to just ignore the words being said unless someone specifically asks you about all of it. Other than that it will not be a long wait until she digs a whole for herself she can't climb it of. I am a firm believer in Karma and it will find its way back to her. Just be patient and show people that you are the bigger person.

I hope that any little part of this might help in some way.

I hope you keep me informed.

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@rosephase

No i didn't ...

I quote ; So T. asked me to go some place elsewhere and take her car, because my brother and a friend of him where drunk. I let my brother know that we were going to another place for a couple of hours.

 

I hope you can follow my story now :-)

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@rosephase

No i didn't ...

I quote ; So T. asked me to go some place elsewhere and take her car, because my brother and a friend of him where drunk. I let my brother know that we were going to another place for a couple of hours.

 

I hope you can follow my story now :-)

 

Isn't T your brother's girlfriend? Not the owner of the car? Or was your friend upset that you took people somewhere in T's car?

 

Sorry, no I'm still not following. What upset your friend in the first place?

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First off I am so sorry about your mum. I honestly can't imagine but I can completely empathize with you.

The person that was your best friend is no longer the same person. People change constantly and often for no reason. Just accept what you can't change and look to the future. With all the pain and changes going on in your life you have overlooked something of extreme importance. YOU! You probably cant remember the last time you did something completely for yourself just for fun. You have to do that for yourself starting immediately. The reason you feel so lost right now is because you are losing who you are and allowing your personal happiness to slip away. The only person you can control or change ir fix is yourself. So allow yourself to be happy for you. It will help you to better cope with all you have in your life right now I promise.

As for your brother I'm certain it isn't you. He is mourning your mum as well but also realize he is morning the life he used to have as well. He has been forced to grow up and take over responsibilities he didnt ask for but he will gladly accept. Its hard because he knows he is all you have and it weighs him down a little trying to fill anothers shoes. Also the angsr it resentment you pick up from him is his grief coming out. Give him some time and little space and he will come around.

Back to your old best friend. The things she is saying are all false. You know this anyone that really cares about you knows this. My advice is to just ignore the words being said unless someone specifically asks you about all of it. Other than that it will not be a long wait until she digs a whole for herself she can't climb it of. I am a firm believer in Karma and it will find its way back to her. Just be patient and show people that you are the bigger person.

I hope that any little part of this might help in some way.

I hope you keep me informed.

 

Thank you for your reply and empathizing on my mum passing away. Yeah i think i should give him(brother) some time and space, someone else also told me that it is his way of morning. And i am also a believer in karma i just got to be a little more patient with that ...

It is just hard for me to enjoy my life especially since a lot of people said they would be there for me but not a single one of them calls me to hear if i am allright or to meet up. I know they aren't real friends so i started to go to the gym lately, i recently follow a new education etc... i am trying to get to know new people but it is not that simple for me i am not really a social person. But i am trying my best to be...

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Sorry to hear this. It's true your brother is grieving as well and in his own way, so may not be a good source of support. Also sadly, everyone ultimately grieves alone. Friends can be there and can empathize, but the pain of grief is felt by you and you alone. All you can do is reach out and invite friends or go out with them etc. As far as the weirdo telling you what to do about borrowing cars, cut her out of your life. Now is the time to pursue healthy things as you have through staying fit and pouring yourself into education. It won't alleviate grief, but it will see you through in healthy productive ways until time passes and things settle. Consider some counseling/therapy to help you navigate all this.

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