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Dating someone with Autism


Skunkumo
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My boyfriend is a wonderful man who’s always respected me. We have been together for over a year & currently in a long distance relationship (both in different states) since the beginning of our relationship. We see each other roughly every 2-4 months.

 

I love him very much and even though the distance is difficult at times, it would never jeopardise our relationship. However, he’s a doctor working 10-14 hour days and is always busy. We have never video called, rarely call, haven’t heard his voice in a month and we do aim to text everyday but his busy workload can affect that sometimes. Which again, makes things harder but I manage.

 

What I find difficult is that he’s on the autism spectrum, he’s very high functioning but is hardly ever affectionate over message and I need that. I have been open and explained this to him and he says I am always welcome to ask him but never says things like “I will try harder” I haven’t really seen a change, i’m not asking for the frequency of messages to increase just the depth of the ones he has time to send.

 

I just want him to show more interest and I fear he’s losing interest but the weird thing is, I know deep down that he hasn’t. He’s very hard to read at times and what hurts me is that he used to be more attentive before we started dating and said lovely things.

 

What’s hard is, in person he’s so different. He’s the opposite and that’s why I have stayed with him, I basically pull through the hard months away from him to finally feel loved when I am with him.

 

I just don’t know how to cope, he even ignores intimate advances over message that he would respond to before. I’m not sure what goes through his head, I put effort in every day to make him feel loved and appreciated and it’s been exhausting not having that reciprocated. I feel like a failure.

 

Am I just overly anxious? I don’t know what to do. I don’t want anyone else but him.

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Just remember understand that Autistic people feel just as deeply as you and I but sometimes the expression of it is different.

 

My son is Autistic. He doesn’t like physical contact of any kind. He finds it physically very difficult and he has no use for what he considers inane chit chat. But I know without a doubt he loves me to the moon.

 

Not the same kind of relationship obviously. But just remember autism comes with communication challenges .

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Thank you.

I honestly believe individuals with autism, children especially are the most wonderful :)

 

It’s nice to hear it from someone else, as it’s very easy to superimpose our own communication style and emotions onto everyone else thinking it’s the same

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Thank you.

I honestly believe individuals with autism, children especially are the most wonderful :)

 

It’s nice to hear it from someone else, as it’s very easy to superimpose our own communication style and emotions onto everyone else thinking it’s the same

 

Absolutely. My son is an adult now but he can articulate now how it feels to be Autistic.

 

But here is a video that might help. It is done by an Autistic person .https://youtu.be/Vju1EbVVgP8

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I put effort in every day to make him feel loved and appreciated and it’s been exhausting not having that reciprocated.
Then stop. It's unfair to put in the effort onto to hold it over him for him for being him. This is has he's been since the honeymoon phase ended. No one's forcing you to accept it, and you're 100% welcome to leave it. We're not talking about a slump in affection after years of a lovey dovey long-term relationshp. This is it.

 

All of this is regardless of him having autism.

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The guy who felt like ‘the one’ was on the autistic spectrum, maybe he loved me, or at least thought he loved me, but at the end of the day I had needs he couldn’t meet (like being touched!!!!!) and being with him is the loneliest I’ve ever felt. You two can love each other very much and still be incompatible. Love is not enough

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