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Is this an abusive relationship?


sunflower10
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Thank you Mari and Danzee great advice. I like the sound of the chores with consequences and will certainly look into Gottman's four hoursemen. He has not engaged or communicated with me now for over 4 months. Have written him emails, tried talking to him to no avail. I have asked him to engage with me on finances as I will need a childminder when I return to work but he refuses to discuss money. He thinks he is a multiimillionaire but is on an average saalry not a million miles from mine. I forgot to add he stole my phone, broke into it and then pretended to help me find it in the bin but I never found it. He also pushes me onto the bed pretending to be playful and when I get annoyed tells me I have no sense of humour. He has thrown food that. I have cooked on the floor. Danzee great advice re the la de da must try that one !!!Good idea too re getting the kids to help really good training for them especially little boys as I want my son one day to be a good partner and for my girls not to be with a narcissist /chauvinist

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When my baby was born he withdrew all affection and moved out of our room. No support with feeding baby. Emailed him about issues as there is no talking to him. We talk about kids and mundane things. I have used the words emotional abuse lots of times....

 

You really need to end this misery. See an attorney

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When my baby was born he withdrew all affection and moved out of our room. No support with feeding baby. Emailed him about issues as there is no talking to him. We talk about kids and mundane things. I have used the words emotional abuse lots of times....

 

Well I didn't think things were this bad. You can offer him marriage therapy as a last step before divorce. If he says no then it sounds like that's it. You can't live with someone and e-mail them instead of talking with them. That's not a relationship. This guy sounds like he has some serious mental issues. So either we go the therapy route to resolve them or the dating route to find a replacement post divorce.

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Sorry but I would not waste time trying to fix this or him.

he refuses to discuss money.

I forgot to add he stole my phone, broke into it and then pretended to help me find it

He also pushes me onto the bed pretending to be playful

He has thrown food that I have cooked on the floor.

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It would be horrendous to go to marriage therapy also. It does not work with abusers and people who act like spoiled 2 year olds. What it boils down to is nothing you have done has worked, yet you still keep trying to fix him, talk to him , etc. Continuing to pretend that he will change and become a decent husband if you add dragging him to marriage therapy to the mix of useless tactics will only be self delusion and prolong things.

 

Complaining about what a jerk he is isn't helping either. If you want change, you have to change things. This means privately and secretly consulting an attorney to review your options for leaving. Privately and secretly going to therapy to better understand what's happening and what kind of harm you are doing to your kids and yourself by playing the suffering wife/martyr, yet remaining inert and ineffectual.

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Wiseman I'm wondering if he has NPD ( NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER). It's all about him and his needs , then his children, then me instead of creating a happy home life for his kids who he claims to love. He loves himself first, then his kids and I don't think I feature. I just feel like his slave.

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