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Bolo911
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Please help, i have been in a relationship for almost 4 years, one of them it was a long distance relationship but throughout the relationship there been a lot of fights and discussions, something that was weird but ultimately seemed normal, but as time goes by it has escalated. My gf main arguments is that I am not strong enough and I don't seem manly, that I am clumsy and that it seems as I was always with my head somewhere else, that I am slow, and she calls me a kid. I am an introvert, and I take my time to do things such as cooking something or sweeping the floor or such but I don't consider myself dumb or inmature, I lived abroad for 6 years and at this moment I am living with my parents because I used my savings to do a masters degree and I am saving again for buying an apartment of my own, I personally think if that is not at least being a bit smart and independent, I really don't know what is. I've been hitting the gym for almost a year three days a week and taking proteins trying to asses her claims on my lack of strength but my ectomorph body won't show major growth despite advances on the weight I lift compared to when I entered and that gives here grounds to keep on complaining; also followed 6 months in a dance course to address another complain yet she still says is not enough cause I still look stiff while dancing. She has had several problmes during the last months, she did a laser operation on her, eyes then had a skin infection a cousin of her died and I've been with her day and night in the hospital at her home during and while at times she acknowledges then she says that I am no support for her because of "the way I am". I feel unrequited and generally sad, giving my everything and most of the times being shouted at or insulted with things such as slow or child when I take long to cook dinner or something like that. Being in this relationship feels like a chore, having to face that after returning from work. Most importantly there have been episodes where I've been physically attacked, never with full force but once it left a mark of scratches in my neck, I never do anything else than trying to hold her arms for her to stop. In those episodes she throw anything that is near against me or to the ground, twice i was hit with keys and she has destroyed three phones, one of which I lendes her after she destroyed the other, the most recent one she wanted to charge me because "it was my fault as I made her mad". On december I noticed that while being on a lunch That my parents offered for new years eve, she was absent minded chatting with some guy, I must admit I sttepped a line and checked her phone some days later and found out she was flirting with the guy and they were sending each other kisses and such. When we talked about it and cleared the air on the faults of each other in the episode she agreed not to talk with the guy again. After that I've done my best to bury the episode, regretfully I've brought it back on a couple of discussions, nevertheless, she brings that up when accusing me of something saying that "thats why she was flirting with him" and "that if I don't change she the same will happen with other guys". I found that extremely offensive and the last time she brought it up I gathered all my willpower and in the most calm manner said that if that is how she pictured the relationship it was better to break up now, after saying that and while stepping through the front door she shouted that if I left I was going to have to carry her body while inserting in her mouth several pills that she gathered from the house. I returned to make her spit the pills and when she sppited them the discussion resumed and told me that it was my ego that didn't let me change to be more "agile, strong, manly and independent" to which I only could answer that I am doing my best to be a human being in this world and to make her happy but if it isn't enough it was better for both of us to break up. Once again while reaching to the front door she grabbed a knife and threw it against a table injuring her fingers in doing so. She had to go to surgery because she cut her tendons and is now wearing a cast and have limited mobility on those fingers. During this time I haven't have the heart to break up, and still trapped doing my best for taking care of her, today is the third day in a row I get insults for failing at tasks sich as fast dinner, bringing the correct things to her lap or applying cream. I am afraid to even mention any of my feelings as it can unleash a reaction that can worsen her wound from surgery. But I cannot resist any longer, and for moments I dont know if she crossed the line or I'm genuinely screwing things up that I deserve the insults. I'm lost, tired and desperate.

 

Ps I suggested her to go to a psychologist following the knife episode, at first she agreed, but on another occassion I reminded her about it she said I am doing it for me and did a movement that hurt her wounded finger, luckily nothing serious.

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Wow. So you've been enduring an extreme case of emotional abuse and you haven't broken up yet. You must be a glutton for punishment. There won't be much left of you when she gets through with you. And the worst part is you still don't accept it. She has broken you so badly you don't see that you don't love her. This is emotional dependency. You're like the dog who gets kicked who keeps coming back for more because he doesn't know any better.

 

I guess you're starting to guess it now, since you're posting here, that this is a toxic relationship. You can't work out enough because you will never be good enough for her. She has made you into her slave and she gives you just enough sex to keep you hanging around.

 

Look, this is it. Tell her you've had enough. Do it by phone if you have to (so she can't hurt you)O. Before you lose all self-esteem and sense of self, break up with this witch and block her from everything, your phone, your social media, everything. Don't use her cast as an excuse. If she threatens suicide again, don't worry. She'll only take enough pills to get herself sick in trying to get you back as her slave. Don't fall for it. Stay at your parent's house and don't talk to her, don't write, don't even think about it. In a few months, you'll be feeling stronger and better and you can find a girl who'll love you and not use you.

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Why are you with this woman? She is emotional and physically abusive.

 

She does not love or respect you, but you are showing that you do not love or respect yourself by staying with her.

 

GET OUT! Get therapy to understand what brought you to this place. You know this is not healthy relationship.

 

You should have been done long ago.

Edited by Hollyj
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Look up Borderline Personality Disorder and see if any of this resonates with you. They can rip you up one side and down the other, but when you try to leave they threaten to harm or kill themselves. That's just one little thing. Very unstable....

 

You are living at your parents...not with her, right? That's a good thing. If she works, pack your things that you have there, and leave and never look back.

 

Those are all HER issues, not yours. Don't waste anymore of you life with this woman who does not respect you....much less love you.

 

Good Luck....AND PROVE HER RIGHT THAT YOU ARE STRONG AND NOT A WIMP AND LEAVE!!!

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It's your fault for not moving out and calling the police when you should have.

she grabbed a knife and threw it against a table injuring her fingers in doing so. She had to go to surgery because she cut her tendons and is now wearing a cast and have limited mobility on those fingers.
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What is an agreeable breaking point?

 

What does 'agreeable' mean? Nobody else is living your love life for you, so nobody else gets a vote. Your choices in the matter aren't a democracy. You're the one living the outcome, so you need to decide what's right for yourself.

 

All relationships are voluntary. When one doesn't work for you, you don't need to build a case to exit one.

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  • 2 weeks later...

You need to get away from this woman ASAP. She's mentally unstable, physically and emotionally abusive. You don't want to find yourself in a situation where she blames you for any of her injuries and gets you into legal trouble. This abuse will never get better and she will never change without extensive, voluntary therapy.

 

Start confiding in your parents about the truth of your situation so you can take appropriate steps to leave and get the support you need. I suggest after you get safely away from her that you find a psychologist you trust to help you figure out why you stayed in this loveless, harmful situation for so long so that you can avoid repeating this pattern in the future with someone else.

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