Jump to content

How do you make yourself feel better?


Recommended Posts

I’ve had a very stressful few weeks doing lots of overtime for a strict deadline at work, I have been noticing symptoms of poor mental health and my mood decline and have not been able to employ my usual coping mechanisms (just been discharged from CBT so I’m getting out of old bad habits). I came up with a few ideas of how to relax myself and get refreshed ready for work.

 

Felt so much better until my brother rang sobbing saying he feared he was going crazy and would end up like our dad (he is loco), so I drove the hour to my brothers to support him (messaged my boss to say I will be in late tomorrow due to family crisis). Opened all my post (it goes to my brothers) to find a load of parking tickets (I appealed them all and they have ignored them and also ignored the fact I told them not to use this address for correspondence but instead to email me) and a speeding warrant.

 

It’s 3am, I’m still awake and feel awful. How would you cheer yourself up in this situation so that you could have a restful sleep? I will be behind on my project at work due to having the morning off so that’s more to look forward to 😓

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, if you're still up, maybe you need a good, stiff drink to quiet the mind (as long as it doesn't conflict with your meds). Or maybe an extra dose of meds. Deep breathing helps quiet the body as well as the mind. Listening to the radio can get your mind off things too. Long term, maybe your brothers need to take care of their own problems. Getting arrested might smarten them up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, if you're still up, maybe you need a good, stiff drink to quiet the mind (as long as it doesn't conflict with your meds). Or maybe an extra dose of meds. Deep breathing helps quiet the body as well as the mind. Listening to the radio can get your mind off things too. Long term, maybe your brothers need to take care of their own problems. Getting arrested might smarten them up.

 

Sounds like you’re advocating drinking, abusing medication and getting arrested as solutions for poor mental health. Not at all helpful.

 

I’m actually very glad my brother feels he can talk to me about his problems, just given my current level of stress I need to ensure I take care of myself. My brothers distress is only adding to my stress and as far as I’m concerned my brother needs to see me at my best so he can follow my example and pull himself out of this hole he’s in.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here are my go tos - daily cardio (364 days a year unless I am very sick), 4-7-8 breathing (Weil Method -and I'm not that good at all those breathing techniques so I practice especially before I go to sleep), and I have my personal visualizations that help me -not talking gorgeous beaches with a sunset - for me it's a comforting routine that requires about 10 steps to visualize and "accomplish" so it both distracts from the negative or stressful thoughts and if I get through the whole routine -which is quite boring but that's the point -the result is a comforting visualization. I also "angry clean" as needed, drink extra water, and sometimes call a friend not for support but to listen to what's going on with her and be distracted while feeling like I'm making a contribution.

 

Good luck!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds like you’re advocating drinking, abusing medication and getting arrested as solutions for poor mental health. Not at all helpful.

 

I’m actually very glad my brother feels he can talk to me about his problems, just given my current level of stress I need to ensure I take care of myself. My brothers distress is only adding to my stress and as far as I’m concerned my brother needs to see me at my best so he can follow my example and pull himself out of this hole he’s in.

 

That’s not how I read it. I read it as one short term solution is a drink or some meds, if it doesn’t conflict with your meds.

 

And she just said your brother getting arrested may teach him a lesson.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That’s not how I read it. I read it as one short term solution is a drink or some meds, if it doesn’t conflict with your meds.

 

And she just said your brother getting arrested may teach him a lesson.

 

What lesson would that be exactly? Still failing to see how getting arrested is of any benefit to those suffering from mental health issues. Last time I checked crying down the phone to your family because you fear for your mental health is not an arrestable offence, and to suggest it is of any benefit is quite an appalling attitude to take.

 

Yes let’s just arrest all those with mental disorders, lock them up to teach them a lesson 🙄

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What lesson would that be exactly? Still failing to see how getting arrested is of any benefit to those suffering from mental health issues. Last time I checked crying down the phone to your family because you fear for your mental health is not an arrestable offence, and to suggest it is of any benefit is quite an appalling attitude to take.

 

Yes let’s just arrest all those with mental disorders, lock them up to teach them a lesson 🙄

 

Might as well throw me in there whilst they’re at it 🤣

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here are my go tos - daily cardio (364 days a year unless I am very sick), 4-7-8 breathing (Weil Method -and I'm not that good at all those breathing techniques so I practice especially before I go to sleep), and I have my personal visualizations that help me -not talking gorgeous beaches with a sunset - for me it's a comforting routine that requires about 10 steps to visualize and "accomplish" so it both distracts from the negative or stressful thoughts and if I get through the whole routine -which is quite boring but that's the point -the result is a comforting visualization. I also "angry clean" as needed, drink extra water, and sometimes call a friend not for support but to listen to what's going on with her and be distracted while feeling like I'm making a contribution.

 

Good luck!!

 

The cardio could work! I used to walk or cycle for hours when my anxiety was at its peak. I will suggest to my brother that we go jogging with his dog at the weekend in the nice countryside.

 

I decided to come into work as my brother seemed a lot better when I arrived, I think he just needed reassurance he’s not on his own and that there are solutions to how he is feeling. I gave him some advice and he has taken it so hopefully there will be an improvement!

 

I have also responded to the speeding notice, so that’s a weight off my mind.

 

The suggestion to listen to friends problems usually works very well for me, so long as I don’t get too concerned it’s a great distraction.

 

I also told my local friend I’m very sad and I need a cuddle so the affection should cheer me up. I’m feeling very emotional right now but I’m thinking I could use it as an opportunity to learn how to seek support when I am vulnerable to a mental health relapse.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Perhaps next time, just talk on the phone a bit and tell him you'll visit next time you reasonably can. Also can you get your mail forwarded? It will be sent to the address on your license, not to email. Cops and courts like addresses and written documents.

Felt so much better until my brother rang sobbing saying he feared he was going crazy and would end up like our dad (he is loco), so I drove the hour to my brothers to support him (messaged my boss to say I will be in late tomorrow due to family crisis). Opened all my post (it goes to my brothers) to find a load of parking tickets (I appealed them all and they have ignored them and also ignored the fact I told them not to use this address for correspondence but instead to email me) and a speeding warrant.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would go to the post office to place a forward on my mail. If the tickets are mine, I'd pay those to get them out of the way. From there I'd find out from brother exactly how he believes that I can help him: will he allow me to contact the local hospital to request a referral to a case worker? Will he allow me to go with him to a therapist or counsellor or doctor? What would be his timeframe for me to return and work on any steps he'll allow me to help with?

 

For me, actually handling practical matters tends to keep me focused beyond rumination and feeling lousy. I'd put in extra time at work to get a handle on my project deliverables, and this would keep me too busy to ruminate.

 

Head high, you can get through this.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thornz, does it ever occur to you that when life is stressful, you are supposed to feel stressed and that's actually normal? You can't just always be happy or feeling good. The way you deal with stress is by addressing and taking care of the things that are stressing you. Like do what you need to do at work to meet the crazy deadline. Once you get there, it will be a relief and a sense of achievement - you did it kind of a thing.

 

As for tickets.....I mean....it's not like you aren't aware where you park or that you were speeding. Nobody is going to e-mail anything to you when it comes to that. Those things will be sent to the last legally known address. As wiseman said, update your address on your driver's license and car registration because that's how tickets get tracked down to you. Follow the process - nobody is going to respond to you personally or cater to your specific requests. Again, go and take care of things and it will relieve your stress, then you can feel good about "mission accomplished".

 

My point is that you can't expect to wake up each morning and just feel good. Sometimes feel good is something you have to create for yourself by taking care of the bs in your life.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thornz, does it ever occur to you that when life is stressful, you are supposed to feel stressed and that's actually normal? You can't just always be happy or feeling good. The way you deal with stress is by addressing and taking care of the things that are stressing you. Like do what you need to do at work to meet the crazy deadline. Once you get there, it will be a relief and a sense of achievement - you did it kind of a thing.

 

As for tickets.....I mean....it's not like you aren't aware where you park or that you were speeding. Nobody is going to e-mail anything to you when it comes to that. Those things will be sent to the last legally known address. As wiseman said, update your address on your driver's license and car registration because that's how tickets get tracked down to you. Follow the process - nobody is going to respond to you personally or cater to your specific requests. Again, go and take care of things and it will relieve your stress, then you can feel good about "mission accomplished".

 

My point is that you can't expect to wake up each morning and just feel good. Sometimes feel good is something you have to create for yourself by taking care of the bs in your life.

 

I agree to a point and then it depends whether the level of stress works for the person, her body, etc. So sometimes stress is good and motivating and feeling a level of it is normal or even positive. But at a certain level its counterproductive. This morning I felt too stressed about some future deadlines at work. I knew that (because it was when I woke up when I am more vulnerable to being too stressed). So my go to was to put a to do list in my phone and set an alarm in my phone -that put my mind more at ease. So having the ready go-to rituals/routines really helps to decrease the stress.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree to a point and then it depends whether the level of stress works for the person, her body, etc. So sometimes stress is good and motivating and feeling a level of it is normal or even positive. But at a certain level its counterproductive. This morning I felt too stressed about some future deadlines at work. I knew that (because it was when I woke up when I am more vulnerable to being too stressed). So my go to was to put a to do list in my phone and set an alarm in my phone -that put my mind more at ease. So having the ready go-to rituals/routines really helps to decrease the stress.

 

You are actually illustrating my point very well. Stress happens, it's good to recognize that it's normal to feel stressed in stressful situations and to have coping mechanisms in place to address it - be it getting the work done, making a list that breaks things down into doable bits, etc. I guess what I'm trying to say is that instead of worrying that you are stressed, you should acknowledge that sometimes it's just part of life and instead focus on constructive ways to cope with that. Stress in and of itself isn't bad or something to run away from as such, it's something you need to develop effective tools to cope with. The stress won't really go away until the issue are resolved, such as meeting that deadline, you just have to figure out how to cope so you don't get incapacitated by it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are actually illustrating my point very well. Stress happens, it's good to recognize that it's normal to feel stressed in stressful situations and to have coping mechanisms in place to address it - be it getting the work done, making a list that breaks things down into doable bits, etc. I guess what I'm trying to say is that instead of worrying that you are stressed, you should acknowledge that sometimes it's just part of life and instead focus on constructive ways to cope with that. Stress in and of itself isn't bad or something to run away from as such, it's something you need to develop effective tools to cope with. The stress won't really go away until the issue are resolved, such as meeting that deadline, you just have to figure out how to cope so you don't get incapacitated by it.

 

Yes and my point was that it's also important to differentiate between a stress level that feels typical/normal and one that is an overreaction to what is going on -at that point more might be needed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You mentioned a speeding warrant and tickets. I think they mean jail time about that not about mental health .

 

I mentioned my speeding warrant (the alleged offence occurred in October and I have only had one letter) and parking tickets I have appealed that have been ignored by them. I have also made complaints to them about the tickets which are not enforceable but they have ignored those too. Next step is to try and find an Ombudsman or something to look into matters. When you are receiving tickets on a weekly basis that they have no right to issue and ignore nearly every appeal and complaint, as far as I’m concerned that’s harassment!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Perhaps next time, just talk on the phone a bit and tell him you'll visit next time you reasonably can. Also can you get your mail forwarded? It will be sent to the address on your license, not to email. Cops and courts like addresses and written documents.

 

They do correspond via mail, the only appeal they didn’t ignore was responded to via mail.

 

I stay in a hotel and may move at any time so no use getting my mail sent there. Anyone could open it. (The hotel is not staffed).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would go to the post office to place a forward on my mail. If the tickets are mine, I'd pay those to get them out of the way. From there I'd find out from brother exactly how he believes that I can help him: will he allow me to contact the local hospital to request a referral to a case worker? Will he allow me to go with him to a therapist or counsellor or doctor? What would be his timeframe for me to return and work on any steps he'll allow me to help with?

 

For me, actually handling practical matters tends to keep me focused beyond rumination and feeling lousy. I'd put in extra time at work to get a handle on my project deliverables, and this would keep me too busy to ruminate.

 

Head high, you can get through this.

 

I’m not paying the tickets! They had no right to issue them and they have ignored my appeals and complaints except one so I think I will be looking into how to get them looked at by somebody who they will actually listen to.

 

The mail I get sent to my brothers because I’m staying in a hotel as a property guardian and could move at any time and anyone could open my mail. I’m going to look at a different place today but it will be a lot more expensive.

 

I did discuss these things with my brother but he is now missing so got that to deal with too 😓

Edited by thornz
Extras
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thornz, does it ever occur to you that when life is stressful, you are supposed to feel stressed and that's actually normal? You can't just always be happy or feeling good. The way you deal with stress is by addressing and taking care of the things that are stressing you. Like do what you need to do at work to meet the crazy deadline. Once you get there, it will be a relief and a sense of achievement - you did it kind of a thing.

 

As for tickets.....I mean....it's not like you aren't aware where you park or that you were speeding. Nobody is going to e-mail anything to you when it comes to that. Those things will be sent to the last legally known address. As wiseman said, update your address on your driver's license and car registration because that's how tickets get tracked down to you. Follow the process - nobody is going to respond to you personally or cater to your specific requests. Again, go and take care of things and it will relieve your stress, then you can feel good about "mission accomplished".

 

My point is that you can't expect to wake up each morning and just feel good. Sometimes feel good is something you have to create for yourself by taking care of the bs in your life.

 

I don’t expect to wake up each morning and feel good but I expect to not experience symptoms of poor mental health because that is a sign that the stress I have experienced is affecting me beyond what is acceptable.

 

I’m taking care of the BS thanks, the parking tickets have all been appealed as they are not enforceable, the appeals process is via email so they do use that correspondence route, and they have only responded to one appeal, the rest they have sent to my brothers address. I am looking into who I can refer this to as they are out of line.

 

I work away and stay in a hotel that is not staffed so it is not suitable to send my mail there.

 

I’m averaging 5 hours overtime a day, sacrificing my leisure time and social time to meet this deadline so again, well taken care of.

 

So I’ve taken care of the BS and my stress is still increasing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Many people get a PO box at the post office when they can not receive mail where they are. That would begin to solve the problem of missing time-sensitive, important mail.

I stay in a hotel and may move at any time so no use getting my mail sent there

Top 6 reasons for having a PO Box Address:

1. Privacy and professionalism for home based businesses.

 

Lots of small businesses working from home don’t want their actual location to be public. A PO Box gives them extra protection and helps avoid unwanted visitors turning up to their homes. PO Boxes can also help these small businesses look more professional.

 

2. To avoid unwanted visitors at office premises.

 

Some large businesses are no different from small ones in that they don’t want customers turning up at their offices unannounced. Insurers, call centres, and large solicitors, amongst others, all use PO Box Addresses to protect their actual location.

 

3. Get an address in the UK regardless of where you are in the world.

 

You’d be surprised by the amount of people who are overseas and need an address in the UK. Expats in particular often need a physical address in the UK once they leave. International businesses also can benefit from having a PO Box in the UK as they can allow them to start up or build their presence here.

 

4. Keep a postal address in the UK whilst you’re temporarily abroad.

 

There are a lot of people who leave the UK temporarily, but what happens to their post whilst they are away? Many of those leaving the UK for work or pleasure will end up missing important letters until they return home. PO Boxes, coupled with an online post management app such as our own, allows people to keep receiving post regardless of where they are.

 

5. A fixed address for those who move frequently or are in temporary accommodation.

 

A huge number of the population move home at least once a year and with that comes the possibility of losing important post, or worse it falling into the wrong hands. Increasingly, renters are using PO Boxes so that regardless of where they move to they can maintain the same postal address.

 

6. Privacy for victims of abuse

 

Privacy is of course of the highest importance to those who are vulnerable. A PO Box can “shield” those who have been victims of abuse, protecting them and their location.

 

Our UK based team is always on hand to assist those who have suffered abuse in any form. If you are looking to have more postal privacy then please contact us to speak to one of the team in the strictest of confidence.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What do you say to yourself to talk yourself down from stress?

 

That is a good question! I have no idea. I used to talk myself into more stress but I learnt my way out of that. I should pay attention next time and learn some positive soothing self talk. I have a book I want to get (after I have read all my other books) called good mother messages. I believe it’s about learning to self talk in a way a good mother would have done to you as a child.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Many people get a PO box at the post office when they can not receive mail where they are. That would begin to solve the problem of missing time-sensitive, important mail.

Top 6 reasons for having a PO Box Address:

1. Privacy and professionalism for home based businesses.

 

Lots of small businesses working from home don’t want their actual location to be public. A PO Box gives them extra protection and helps avoid unwanted visitors turning up to their homes. PO Boxes can also help these small businesses look more professional.

 

2. To avoid unwanted visitors at office premises.

 

Some large businesses are no different from small ones in that they don’t want customers turning up at their offices unannounced. Insurers, call centres, and large solicitors, amongst others, all use PO Box Addresses to protect their actual location.

 

3. Get an address in the UK regardless of where you are in the world.

 

You’d be surprised by the amount of people who are overseas and need an address in the UK. Expats in particular often need a physical address in the UK once they leave. International businesses also can benefit from having a PO Box in the UK as they can allow them to start up or build their presence here.

 

4. Keep a postal address in the UK whilst you’re temporarily abroad.

 

There are a lot of people who leave the UK temporarily, but what happens to their post whilst they are away? Many of those leaving the UK for work or pleasure will end up missing important letters until they return home. PO Boxes, coupled with an online post management app such as our own, allows people to keep receiving post regardless of where they are.

 

5. A fixed address for those who move frequently or are in temporary accommodation.

 

A huge number of the population move home at least once a year and with that comes the possibility of losing important post, or worse it falling into the wrong hands. Increasingly, renters are using PO Boxes so that regardless of where they move to they can maintain the same postal address.

 

6. Privacy for victims of abuse

 

Privacy is of course of the highest importance to those who are vulnerable. A PO Box can “shield” those who have been victims of abuse, protecting them and their location.

 

Our UK based team is always on hand to assist those who have suffered abuse in any form. If you are looking to have more postal privacy then please contact us to speak to one of the team in the strictest of confidence.

 

I rung the DVLA to get details on where my postal address could be and it must be a home address. A PO box is not suitable. I went to view a room and will be arranging to view another soon. I can have post delivered when I move to a room but the downside is additional expense 😞

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...