I think we are seeing too much of each other

[Starseed450]

Him and I have been dating for 4 months. Him and I are usually very good together. I am 23 and he is 32 if that helps. We met on a dating website. I feel like him and I have created this co dependent culture. From the beginning, he has always wanted me over at his house. He would pick me up everyday after work and we would see each other so often, but because we wanted to. Today, we had an arguement, and I am guessing it is because we see way too much of each other. We started seeing each other everyday and it became a routine.

 

He is highly critical of everything I do, for example, if we cook together, I am always doing something wrong according to him. We get along, but are very different (he is quiet and reserved and serious and I am a bit more outgoing)

Today we argued and he told me he wants time alone. I didn’t want to leave, and I said I would just go in the other room for the rest of the night. He told me if I did that, then next time to take all my stuff, because it would he the last time I’d be at his house, so I left.

I am really worried he is going to take this time to think about ending things.

We love each other and are most of the time very good to each other. I think this is a product of spending way too much time together, so how can I reverse this?

 

This is so far my second most serious relationship (After being in one for 5 years that ended 2 years ago) and the only man who has treated me the nicest and who has his life together, so I really do not want to mess it up. I am afraid he is going to end things, and I am afraid of the rejection if he does. I feel like I will never find someone again who treated me as nice and he did and someone who has their life together the way he does.

 

How can I reverse the fact that we haven’t spent so much time together so far and that we are arguing and it has only been 4 months?

 

Should I just wait for him to text me? I really don’t want to make things worse. But I hate living with the unknown, if he’s going to end things or not.

[rosephase]

He kicked you out of his house. And he threatened to dump you if you just went into the next room. This guy isn’t as wonderful as you think he is. You should be thinking about if you are willing to stay with him... if you want a partner who is bad at knowing what he needs (if he needs alone time then he should know that and be able to tell you that before he’s threatening to break up with you) and who is acts publishing towards you.

[DanZee]

I agree with Rose. Kicking you out isn't a symptom of spending too much time together. If you get married you will be spending every day with your spouse. Every day. You want to find someone you can do that with. I do think the age difference counts. Think about how big brothers and sisters treat little brothers and sisters with only a few years difference. Nine years is a big difference at your age.

 

You didn't say what the argument was about, and I'm guessing the cause of the argument probably gives you a big hint in why he's breaking up with you and why you didn't mention it. Always criticizing you and telling you you're doing something wrong is emotional abuse. However, I think he's just realizing that you guys just aren't compatible. The dating honeymoon is over. You should move on.

[MissCanuck]

He doesn't sound that great, OP. What did you argue about?

 

He's showing you that his conflict resolution skills are not good. You also say he's highly critical of you and would pick you up to take you to his house every day. I have to wonder if this guy has a controlling streak. Whose idea was it to spend that much time together?

[Minikimini]

Him and I have been dating for 4 months. Him and I are usually very good together. I am 23 and he is 32 if that helps. We met on a dating website. I feel like him and I have created this co dependent culture. From the beginning, he has always wanted me over at his house. He would pick me up everyday after work and we would see each other so often, but because we wanted to. Today, we had an arguement, and I am guessing it is because we see way too much of each other. We started seeing each other everyday and it became a routine.

 

He is highly critical of everything I do, for example, if we cook together, I am always doing something wrong according to him. We get along, but are very different (he is quiet and reserved and serious and I am a bit more outgoing)

Today we argued and he told me he wants time alone. I didn’t want to leave, and I said I would just go in the other room for the rest of the night. He told me if I did that, then next time to take all my stuff, because it would he the last time I’d be at his house, so I left.

I am really worried he is going to take this time to think about ending things.

We love each other and are most of the time very good to each other. I think this is a product of spending way too much time together, so how can I reverse this?

 

This is so far my second most serious relationship (After being in one for 5 years that ended 2 years ago) and the only man who has treated me the nicest and who has his life together, so I really do not want to mess it up. I am afraid he is going to end things, and I am afraid of the rejection if he does. I feel like I will never find someone again who treated me as nice and he did and someone who has their life together the way he does.

 

How can I reverse the fact that we haven’t spent so much time together so far and that we are arguing and it has only been 4 months?

 

Should I just wait for him to text me? I really don’t want to make things worse. But I hate living with the unknown, if he’s going to end things or not.

 

Familiarity breeds contempt. Too much time spent with someone you're still getting to know isn't a good idea. Your involvement is at the stage where weak foundation relationships begin to fail. The "representatives on their best behavior" have been dismissed and you and he are now letting the "real you" off their leash. The real him is finding fault with everything you do and picking fights--that means the intrigue for him is over. No one who actually loves you criticizes everything you do nor do they kick you out of their house. He has lost respect for you.

 

Nothing spins the earth backwards for a do-over. I wouldn't wait for him to bring this mess back to me--I'd leave him be since he wants to be left alone.

 

Also, age may be nothing but a number, but here, it's showing how little patience he has with someone that much younger than him. He is always going to judge you by him having over 9 years of life experience over you--and that's why he's criticizing everything you do.

 

If you stay with someone who is treating you badly, then you cease being a victim and become a volunteer.