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How often do women dumpers come back


Neruda20
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I posted my own story here, but recently my best friend went through a breakup and asked me question I've been wondering for a while. Namely, how often do women dumpers come back or at least revisit the idea of a relationship with a former partner?

 

Gentlemen, how often has a woman dumper re-entered your life? Ladies, how often have you revisited a relationship with a guy you left? How much time was between the breakup and new contact or even reconciliation?

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Yeah agree with this - women dumpers have come back to me. Only to end things again. They come with their own agenda. They walk all over you, and the second you stand up for yourself again, they're gone.

 

Someone who actually loves and appreciates you will not dump you and come back. They won't dump you to begin with.

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A dumper returning has a lot more to do with the reasons behind the break-up and the individual person than it does the dumper's gender.

 

Speaking only for myself, I have never gone back to a man I've broken up with. If I end a relationship, it's because I've thought long and hard about it.

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In general when we break up with a guy, it's final. We put thought into breaking up before doing it. I know for myself I gave warnings and when they didn't listen, I emotionally detached and I was gone. They never went very far away though lol but did eventually drift apart, except for one.

 

Every ex is replaceable. They aren't the end all be all of our relationship lives. It's just hard to be the dumpee because of the rejection. Big part of the reason we usually want an ex back too . But best to just leave them in the past and wish them well. As females men think we want to keep an ex close to us for friendship, but that's just a generalization. It rarely happens because we get annoyed by their efforts to win us back and it just makes us retreat. Guys need to remember if we dump you and we want you back, we aren't going to play mind games with you. We will make it clear we want you.

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I was never the one to "come back". I have been convinced (they begged) only twice (two different relationships that I had invested in heavily) to give them a second chance. I dumped them again because the issues were never resolved/they never changed. Waste of time.

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In general when we break up with a guy, it's final. We put thought into breaking up before doing it. Guys need to remember if we dump you and we want you back, we aren't going to play mind games with you. We will make it clear we want you.

 

 

 

Can you apply this line of thought to my current situation??

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I have been 'dumped' multiple times over my life. I have typically found anywhere between 6 weeks to 6 months the dumper comes back. Out of 5 relationships where that happened....at least 3 came back within a few months. The other 2 I ran into or spoke to after 6 months to a year. They apologized and said they had made a HUGE mistake going back to their ex or thinking the grass was greener. I didnt get back with any of them and I am happy I did not. Still friends with a few. Some have gone on to get married and are different people than when we dated. Good but was a blessing in disguise. Two became a TRAIN wreck and still are.......and I mean BAD wreck.....carnage. And those have been 20 and 18 years ago respectively.

 

Currently going through I breakup that I would entertain getting back together with and am ......in the process of grieving it and seeing what happens. Not doing all the chase, needy, love me, begging, pleading crap guys typically do. But I believe she knows how I feel and where I stand. It has its own unique issues so we will see.

 

Ive had the dumpers come back more times than not. But ....the trick it to take a long hard look at them in the interim and decide if they are worth taking back and its not just emotion from wanting what we can not currently have. I mean like take a microscope to that and really look at the pros and cons to taking them back. Some of mine have been bullets dodged for sure and I know this cause I am still a part of their lives as friends and they are not anywhere near where I would to be in a current relationship....

 

Food for thought

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IMO you should never take them back. I had always told myself, if they broke up with me, don't take them back, walk away. I broke my policy once, when my ex broke up with me and a month later I took him back. Biggest mistake I have ever made, because it was never same after that. But there is a positive side to it. If I didn't give him a second chance, and how life events proceeded after, I would never have met my husband.

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After my recent breakout (got dumped for a friend), I endured a few days of extreme hurt, but I had enough sense to avoid begging or contacting etc. And I am taking the high road with her as well, wishing her the best. And you have to move on despite the pain, keeping your head up and maintaining your dignity. While this will not necessarily mean I'll get her back; doing otherwise would almost guarantee you won't IMO. And you'll stay stuck. I have been accepting the pain of loss, regret and rejection, but moving on with life the best way I can.

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Can you apply this line of thought to my current situation??

 

I'm not a psychic, but I am however a bit drunk, but not enough to not remember your story lol

Idk, I think it's done, but I can't know what she feels. The age difference and other factors play a part. I don't really know many that have dumped bf's and reunited and had it last unfortunately. We don't just break up hoping the guy will crawl back to us. We do it because we aren't content. I freaking drunk text the ex, ughhhhhhhhhhh I feel so stupid. How I remembered the number is beyond me, but he text back right away and wanted to know if I was safe and okay. I'm really gonna regret that tomorrow. Damn alcohol. I got triggered because this guy looked so much like him I thought it was. I went out to have fun and relieve stress and now I'm an idiot. Shoulda stayed in .

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I'm not a psychic, but I am however a bit drunk, but not enough to not remember your story lol

Idk, I think it's done, but I can't know what she feels. The age difference and other factors play a part. I don't really know many that have dumped bf's and reunited and had it last unfortunately. We don't just break up hoping the guy will crawl back to us. We do it because we aren't content. I freaking drunk text the ex, ughhhhhhhhhhh I feel so stupid. How I remembered the number is beyond me, but he text back right away and wanted to know if I was safe and okay. I'm really gonna regret that tomorrow. Damn alcohol. I got triggered because this guy looked so much like him I thought it was. I went out to have fun and relieve stress and now I'm an idiot. Shoulda stayed in .

 

I think you may be responding to me rather than Rusty. Regardless, you're not an idiot, SweetGirl28. You had a rough night. Be kind to yourself. Sending good vibes your way. Hopefully, you do not have a hangover today.

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I think you may be responding to me rather than Rusty. Regardless, you're not an idiot, SweetGirl28. You had a rough night. Be kind to yourself. Sending good vibes your way. Hopefully, you do not have a hangover today.

 

Lol, omg no hangover but feeling really stupid. I had something really upset me yesterday and I went out with a friend to talk about it because honestly I was just a crying mess. Now I know alcohol and upset do not mix well! I knew better. But geez it's just a hard time for me right now because I miss my dad and the anniversary of his death is coming up the day after my birthday and I always get triggered this time of year :( especially be cause I look at my own daughter who's dad is a total POS and to see her cry upsets me so badly when he hurts her, which is what happened Saturday. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I want to break my own fingers for messing up lol! But thank you, I appreciate your words :)

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I've had 2 ex dumpers come back. Thankfully I could see right through it what their agenda was. They were just lonely. That's why they come back. I was good enough to pass the time with until they found someone they actually liked. I didn't take them up on their offer.

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IMO the only time reconciliations are really worth considering is if the breakup happened like in 3rd grade and you both meet again by chance at age 30. If there's been a 10+ year gap or more since the breakup then that's plenty of time for maturity. It's a safe bet that anyone reading this is not the same person they were 10 years ago. 10 years or more is a long time for self improvement and growing up. What you considered important 10 years ago in life may not be that important now.

 

In some situations a breakup was necessary due to external factors but 2 people were still in love with each other. Maybe the ex boyfriend had an addiction to pornography and then years later he got help for it and then there was a chance meeting with his ex girlfriend and she's single and available and they go grab lunch and catch up and in some cases the flame is rekindled. But that's a totally different scenario than breaking up for a few months and trying to get back without really working on the issues that caused the breakup.

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After my recent breakout (got dumped for a friend), I endured a few days of extreme hurt, but I had enough sense to avoid begging or contacting etc. And I am taking the high road with her as well, wishing her the best. And you have to move on despite the pain, keeping your head up and maintaining your dignity. While this will not necessarily mean I'll get her back; doing otherwise would almost guarantee you won't IMO. And you'll stay stuck. I have been accepting the pain of loss, regret and rejection, but moving on with life the best way I can.

 

She left you for your friend? That's pretty screwed up. I'm sorry, Hopefulguy. And you are absolutely right.

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SweetGirl28, If this site has taught me anything, it's to be kind to yourself. We all know the world – and especially our exes – are cruel enough. Wishing all good things for you and your daughter.

 

This is really nice of you to remind me of, and say. Thank you :)

I wish you all good things as well.

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They want you back when you couldn’t care less if they come back. If you were good to her, she will pine for you back when she sees the grass wasn’t greener.

 

That is not necessarily true at all.

 

Someone can be a good person but not the person we see a future with. It's not a good idea to try to convince yourself that someone will return just because you were good to him/her. That keeps dumpees stuck in false hope, hurting even more when they know their ex is still single but not calling them up to come back.

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