Please help me :(

[Jess444]

Hi.. I spend so much time reading through these posts looking for other people’s stories similar to mine, I’m really just looking for some support..

 

Basically I have been with my ex for just over a year. In the last 6 weeks or so we have been arguing over silly things. He always threatened to move out and go to his mums and two weeks ago, I told him to do it. When I was at work he packed everything from our house and left. He posted his key through he door. He blocked me off social media also.When I got home I was totally devastated but thought he would have come back two weeks on.. anyway, I gave it a couple of days then asked him to come home because I missed him. He ignored my messages. I did the crazy ex thing and bombarded him with texts of how much I love him and wanted him back etc... nothing. Last weekend (one week on) he turned up at our house drunk and told me he misses me and loves me and wants us to work, we just need to work on the arguing. He told me he would spend couple of nights a week at his mums just for us to take things slowly and get back on track. The following night, he came back to our house again and I felt we was on the right track. The next day he sent me a message and said his head is all over the place and doesn’t know if he can be with me. I was so devastated. He kept telling me he wanted to be with me and he loved me but needed some time to sort his head out. I agreed to give him the space he needed and he reassured me not to worry and it wasn’t my fault..... anyway.. I was still blocked off social media at this point because it was something I hadn’t thought too much into. One of my friends told me that he has friended lots of girls and is liking all their photos, even ones of girls he has a past with!! I was totally shocked and upset so I text him and told him he has ruined everything between us, and that while I’m sat upset over him and missing him.. this is what he’s doing. I just couldn’t understand it at all. This is not the person I know. He would never upset me normally.. he even cries when I cry!! He responded to me and put ‘leave me alone then, don’t text me, I’m blocking you’.

 

This was 5 days ago now and I’m beyond heartbroken. I haven’t gone to work, haven’t eaten, cried and cried every day. I don’t even think I can put into words the pain i’m feeling. This is totally out of character for him. How can he be totally fine while I’m struggling to even get out of bed due to missing him so much. We have never spent a day apart and we text all day every day. I know everyone says they had a happy relationship, but we honestly did.

 

Can anyone please shed any light on this for me? I can’t contact him anyway but I’m using this as the no contact period and it hurts so so bad. I hear he’s out having a good time and I can’t even bring myself to have a shower! I haven’t left the house. How can he just not care anymore? I also feel like if he did care, he would have unblocked me out of interest just to see if I got in touch for an ego boost, but he hasn’t. He’s been cheated on by everyone in the past and always says how I’m the first person to ever be loyal to him and couldn’t never live without me..

 

I know I shouldn’t want him back but I would be lying if I said I don’t. I just want him to come back with the biggest apology and him to tell me everything will be okay. I know how pathetic I sound by the way.

 

Does anyone think he will come back? Or is he gone for good.. any comments appreciated, helps to know someone is listening. Thank you x

[rosephase]

What were the arguments about? How did your arguments end up looking and sounding?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like a bad fight. What happened 6 weeks ago? Why did he keep threatening to leave?

In the last 6 weeks or so we have been arguing over silly things. He always threatened to move out and go to his mums and two weeks ago, I told him to do it. When I was at work he packed everything from our house and left.

[Jess444]

Hi,

 

An example of the last argument was that we have a holiday booked next year (he booked this as a surprise for me in December) and we was saving money for it. He would ask to go away for weekends and things like that but i told him all things like that would need to be put on hold until after the holiday.

 

Another example is just general ‘living together’ bickering.. but we talked that through when he came back at the weekend and he agreed that this was fixable and that we don’t have any major issues that we can’t get past so I felt that was all sorted. X

[Jess444]

I think we spent so much time together we ended up bickering over the smallest things then they escalated. He’s quite immature and used this as a threat I think x

[rosephase]

How long have you been living together? What are the "living together" issues?

 

How are these fights? Are they mean? I mean clearly they are dramatic if they lead to breaking up. Do you know how to treat each other with respect while dealing with disagreements? I sort of doubt it because threatening to move out and break up doesn't sound like either of you have good conflict resolution skills.

[Jess444]

We’ve lived together for about 7 months. He moved in after a few months of being together because he lived at home with his parents and he came round every night so it just made sense.. I’ve made it sound like we argued all the time which isn’t the case. I’m the type of person that would rather tell him if I’m bothered by something, so for example if I come home, cook tea, do our washing and ask him to do something, he would ‘do it later’.. so that would cause bickering. I would rather discuss an issue but he gets defensive like I am getting at him. He would rather walk away from an argument and not address it.. if that makes sense?

 

What I meant by general arguing was that it wasn’t anything major that happened between us. No cheating or trust issues or anything like that x

[rosephase]

How old are both of you?

[Jess444]

We’re both 27 x

[boltnrun]

Do you work? See friends and/or spend time with family? Have any hobbies or activities that you do on your own? How are you able to stay home and miss work (if you work) for two entire weeks?

[MissCanuck]

It sounds like the problem lies with the frequency of arguing and the way it was handled.

 

"Living-together bickering" this often and this early on suggests bigger problems with communication and resentment. That's concerning when you have only been together a year. There might not have been an obvious dealbreaker like cheating, but a lot of snipping is also very draining and would compound any problems that already existed between the two of you.

 

But perhaps he was also looking for a way out. Someone who threatens to leave either is using it as a manipulation tactic, or they are already seriously considering doing it. You two moved in very quickly; maybe he wasn't actually quite ready to be "settled" in this way and wanted out.

[Wiseman2]

Perhaps he belongs back home with mom and dad. Your attempts at mommying him were causing resentment both ways. No it doesn't "make sense" to move in together after 3 mos of dating. What makes sense is that he gets his own place like a grown up first.

He moved in after a few months of being together because he lived at home with his parents and he came round every night so it just made sense. I come home, cook tea, do our washing and ask him to do something, he would ‘do it later’.. so that would cause bickering.