Again overthinking

[Obasi]

Hello

 

I am 20 and my boyfriend is 22. We have been together for almost 6 months and everything is going great.

But recently I was at his work and I saw him making a joke about a co worker and touching her shoulder for it. I didn't like this at all and I talked to him about it. He was very understanding and explained that it was just a joke, nothing more and that I didn't have to worry. He said also that he will not do it again if I had problems with it. The day after, we went a weekend to Paris for his birthday. During the whole trip, I wanted to talk about this shoulder touch over 20 times and I also cried a couple of times, which very much ruined the trip. Still he was very sweet and explained everything again and again and again. He has never given me a reason to doubt him, I never caught him lying and at the start of our relationship he even put my fingerprint in his phone so I can look any time I want. We are now a week later and I still can't get this out of my head. I feel always sad because of this and I am scared that I will ruin my relationship, because the same thing happened in the past as well. Then I became really scared, obsessive and jealous, with the result that my previous boyfriends left me for this. It feels like I have to make the worse out of everything, so I can prepare myself for if I would get hurt. I have difficulties to trust my boyfriend and I also said this to him in a very hurtful way, which made him upset. I think I am overreacting and overthinking, but I would like to hear some other opinions about this.

Thank you very much for reading and advice!

[Keyman]

Sorry, but this is going to happen again and again unless you seek out some help for this behaviour.

 

Honestly, if I was this boyfriend I would be seriously wondering if I should be continuing after this downward spiral.

 

Find a counselor and talk through why this is happening and what the base of your insecurities are.

[MissCanuck]

You are most definitely over-reacting. The extent to which this upset you is very troubling.

 

I agree with Keyman. I would search for a counsellor so you can tackle this deep insecurity. Otherwise, this relationship won't survive.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately you are creating self fulfilling prophecies. Get checked out by a doctor, discuss your obsessions and compulsions. There is a lot of help out there both with medical treatment and talk therapy.

the same thing happened in the past as well. Then I became really scared, obsessive and jealous, with the result that my previous boyfriends left me for this.

[itsallgrand]

It's an over reaction, yes.

 

You mentioned it's happened with other bfs in the past and that you are 20. Have you taken much time to yourself to just date, have fun on your own, or do you tend to relationship up pretty early when you meet a guy you like?

 

While I agree with the others that this is insecurity driven, you are so young, I wonder if you just aren't ready for a commitment yet. And that would be ok. At your age I had not had a serious bf by choice, was having lots of dates and fun ( not sex) , because I knew I wasn't prepared to put in the effort to be a girlfriend yet. I wanted to get my feet solidly on the ground in my own life and self first. And I managed to avoid so much of these dramas when at 21, I was ready and met someone I really wanted to make the effort with.

 

My point is, you don't have to have it all figured out at 16 18 20. How are the other parts of your life - are you happy and fulfilled?

[kehratha]

I agree with the others...you overreacting LOT.

He was touching her shoulder in front of you, so for sure he hasn't any idea this small thing will upset you.

It's nothing there, just a friendly gesture, people do this all the time, especially when they are genuine friendly and talkative by nature.

 

I also believe that you might need a little therapy, bc this kind of jealousy will drive mad any significant other of yours from now one.

 

"Still he was very sweet and explained everything again and again and again" - consider yourself veeeery lucky that he is such a nice guy...