Why would he do this?

[SweetGirl28]

Over the years, he'll text with something simple such as "hey how are you". I'll reply, and then he'll start with the I love you still texts... and then, yes, usually he'll send a sext. They usually aren't as X rated as today's sext. Normally it's something about my boobs to be honest.

 

 

Hmmmm, I'm speechless lol. First time ever.

 

I get the sexting when its recent, but omg this has been years. Idk what he's thinking. But I guess blocking him was a good idea. I bet he finds another way to reach you. Be prepared .

[jennylove]

Yeah, he's an enigma.

[boltnrun]

Yeah, he's an enigma.

 

I think it's very simple. He wants to see if you're down for some extracurricular sexting. To help him cheat on his girlfriend for his own ego boost.

[Blank State]

It's not torture to me. I'm usually ok with it. And I'm ok now, I'm just wondering. But you are right, actions speak louder.

Block him. "He still tugs at my heartstrings" points to you not completely over him. Just block him and move on with your life.

[Blank State]

Thanks everyone! I guess I haven't blocked him because it's "whatever" to me. With other ex's, I block. And I'd be pretty bothered if a few ex's sent me this stuff. But him, it's whatever. Since posting this, I decided to go ahead and block him. I wanted to see what he would say if I tomd him I was blocking him. And so I told him that I've had enough and he's given me no choice but to block him. I thought he'd apologize or say something sincere. Nope. His response? "No block Jenny, no block blocky. I like talking to you so no block" ((roll eyes)). He's blocked now ;).

You blocked him to see what his response would be. I think you'll unblock him at some point. Don't do it lol.

[jennylove]

No, I won't unblock. Chances are he will find a way to connect with me, but it won't matter. It'll be because he needs an emotional uplift from me. Or, because he's single and wants me to be his gf again- being his 2nd Choice or rebound won't sit well with me either. So either way, its over.

[MissCanuck]

I don't think you're as over him as you wish. He's keeping you hooked.

 

You aren't "whatever" about his texts or you wouldn't be engaging in person conversation with him (asking if his girlfriend is moving with him) and wouldn't be comparing yourself to her and wondering why he's wasting all this time with her when he could be with you.

 

Please keep him blocked, as you need to finally completely let go of him too. I know you say you have, but your responses to him (both literal and emotional) suggest that's not totally accurate.

[Hollyj]

He reaches out for his ego. That's it.

[Hollyj]

I should add that his message today was rated R....he dreams of Fing me for hours and wants to come inside me, how he's loved me for 25 years, etc . ehhh. Not my problem.

 

How disrespectful! I also wonder why you have responded to this creep, when you knew from the past texts that he was involved, when proclaiming love? This is not someone you could trust.

 

Also, his response to the blocking showed he didn't care, or respect you.

[Hollyj]

It was refreshing. I do enjoy pulling the plug on ppl who deserve it.

 

And Bolt, yes, I noticed that right away. Announcing that I'm blocking someone before I block them isn't my thing, but I wanted to see his response. Yes, he was trying to be cutesy and then it became about me me me. I was hoping for a "I'm sorry for these texts and I understand why you are choosing to block me...." lol

 

Really! This coming from a guy who is cheating on his gf and sending vulgar messages to an ex.

 

If he loved you he would have dumped her. The sexting is not love, it is in hopes he can get something on the side. Please see this for what it is. This man does not love you.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry that's not love or an attempt at reconciliation.

his message today was rated R....he dreams of Fing me for hours and wants to come inside me

[catfeeder]

If he truly loved me, why would he waste 5 years on someone else. [...] Makes no sense.,

 

When something makes no sense, what should that tell you?

 

I'd skip investing energy in trying to figure out 'why' an inconsistent person remains inconsistent. I'd chalk that up to an ego seeking attention, and I'd see nothing interesting about a guy who keeps showing how disloyal he can be behind a GF's back. I'd have no desire to position myself as the one who he's disloyal to next, so his empty words would be bouncing away from my inbox as I put my blocker in place.

 

Aren't there more productive things to focus on?

 

Head high.

[veryhurt]

Texting is for teenagers. If the guy has real feelings for you then tell him to pick up the phone and call you. If he's just a horny dbag he just wants to sext because his current sex life is crap. I can't judge him, I don't know him, but if I had real feelings for a girl, my texts wouldnt say I want to come inside you, they'd say "I really miss you, I think I'm still in love with you, could we have a confidential chat when you have time?"

[Minikimini]

I should add that his message today was rated R....he dreams of Fing me for hours and wants to come inside me, how he's loved me for 25 years, etc . ehhh. Not my problem.

 

I'm glad you've finally blocked this clown. Leopards don't change their spots.

 

As you can see from his actions, this is probably what he was doing behind your back when you were with him. It's what he'd do behind your back if you'd gotten back with him because this is who/what he is.

[Minikimini]

I don't think you're as over him as you wish. He's keeping you hooked.

 

You aren't "whatever" about his texts or you wouldn't be engaging in person conversation with him (asking if his girlfriend is moving with him) and wouldn't be comparing yourself to her and wondering why he's wasting all this time with her when he could be with you.

 

Please keep him blocked, as you need to finally completely let go of him too. I know you say you have, but your responses to him (both literal and emotional) suggest that's not totally accurate.

 

^^^All. Of. This.

 

I, too, think that OP isn't as over him as her bravado would lead us to believe. There is something she's been getting out of these missives--else he'd have been on block a long, long time ago and she wouldn't be wondering why about anything.

[katrina1980]

^^^All. Of. This.

 

I, too, think that OP isn't as over him as her bravado would lead us to believe. There is something she's been getting out of these missives--else he'd have been on block a long, long time ago and she wouldn't be wondering why about anything.

 

Agree, and as for him? Popping in and out of your life (while in a committed relationship with another) for the purpose of engaging in sexting and making lewd comments about your boobs?

 

Ok he's an ass but what about you? What story are you telling yourself that makes (made) his behavior okay in your world? That you would continue to engage his nonsense?

 

I think there is no question that him doing this (attempting to sext, boob comments) is one of the most disrespectful things a man could ever do, unless you're in a relationship with him yourself.

 

Which you're not, you're an ex for chrissakes.

 

No he doesnt love you, he doesn't even respect you, clearly.

 

I'm glad you blocked him finally.

[boltnrun]

Jenny, maybe you've written a narrative in your mind that goes something like "This guy has loved me for years. Circumstances are keeping us apart but I'm the one he truly loves". And that narrative made you feel good.

 

But it's a false narrative. Hopefully you know that now.

[jennylove]

Yes, I'm over him. I'm very much aware of myself and I know that when I'm not over someone, I block. I haven't blocked him over the years because it didn't affect me on any level. I only blocked him yesterday because I'm just sick of everything. Yes, occasionally he pulls at my heart strings because I was once very young and in love with him and we went thru growing pains together back then. When I see him now, he has gray hair and wrinkles and a gut, but I still see the little giggly freckled face guy from the 90s who once had my heart.

 

To be fair, his occasional text would sometimes brighten my day. I enjoyed hearing from him and catching up. When the texts got steamy, to me, it's only texts. It's not real life. He can say what he wants and dream whatever he wants, but in person, he, nor I, would ever act on anything. As noted, I've seen him several times since our breakup and there are no sexual exchanges in person. He hides behind his phone for that stuff.

 

Anyway, whether I still love him or not wasn't my question. And it doesn't matter. I received his X rated text and it made me question him and men in general.

 

I think I found my answer. He loves me, but he's in love with her. He sends me the sexts because he can talk the talk without fear of her finding out or is ever acting on it.

[LootieTootie]

 

I think I found my answer. He loves me, but he's in love with her. He sends me the sexts because he can talk the talk without fear of her finding out or is ever acting on it.

 

I think he only loves himself.

 

Whatever you believe, just keep him blocked. That guy has been using you for YEARS for ego-boost and it may have been beneficial to you to know that an ex still "loves you" but with him block, you will learn to grasp the fact that if a man truly loves you, he doesn't sext you and he would have broken up with his current gf to make room for you.

[Wiseman2]

So he gets her love and you get raunchy sexts? Wouldn't be better to date a guy who's not sleazy and can give you love, respect and real sexual affection?

He sends me the sexts because he can talk the talk without fear of her finding out.

[Minikimini]

I think I found my answer. He loves me, but he's in love with her. He sends me the sexts because he can talk the talk without fear of her finding out or is ever acting on it.

 

If things had worked out between you two, would you be cool with him sending an old flame any sort of "catching up/brightening my day" texts behind your back? You would be fine with him letting her into his place of intimacy where only you should have access?

 

He sent you texts because it was ok with you until he took it where he did.

 

If he'd kept it pg-17, you'd still be talking to him behind her back. THAT is the issue here.

 

Whether or not you still love him informed how you've proceeded in all of this, so yes, it does matter. No behavior happens in a vacuum.

[nutbrownhare]

I know it would work. But for his own reasons, he won't leave her.

 

His own reasons are that he can see a future with her, while the future with you consists of him acting like a slimy douchebag when he feels like it. I couldn't believe it when you describe him as having 'wrinkles, grey hair and a gut', as you'd hope that someone of that age might have achieved a bit of maturity by then. If by 'work', you mean that you'd have been happy with a guy who behaves like this behind his partner's back - yeah, sure!

[jennylove]

I wasn't going to post this, but since this thread was recently bumped, I'll go ahead and post. A couple days after blocking him, I was going to delete his texts, but something told me to read through them first. I wanted to really read then to see his patterns instead of just glancing at them. I have an older IPhone and my text convos with anyone are all saved. As I was scrolling through the years of occasional texts, I saw one that I somehow missed from 2 years ago and it was pretty disgusting.

 

Him: I saw in the paper where your uncle died. I'm very sorry for your loss, Jenny,

 

Me: I didn't reply because I didn't see it.

 

2 weeks later he sent a follow up which I didn't see: Jenny, are you ok?

 

A few days later another text that I didn't see: Jenny, I don't know why you are ignoring me, but I respect your wishes. You know I love you and always will. I'd invite you for coffee to see if we could talk about things. I love talking to you. Buttttt meeting in person probably shouldn't happen because I can't be in the same room as you without wanting to F you and have my way with you for hours. When I saw you at Walmart you looked sexy af and I wanted you so bad. Will you at least send me pics of your boobs. I need to see them nowwwww.

 

^^. Wayyyy out of line and I'm glad I didn't see it during the timeframe that he sent it bec I had a lot of sadness in my life at that time and this would have hurt me more. Most of his texts were PG13...lots of " I'll always love you" and "you're so sexy" type of texts. Nothing raunchy. He is 39.

[Wiseman2]

Same garbage for years but you seem to think of it as a compliment, even though he has a gf. Rehashing texts from 2 years ago may indicate your obsession with him.

2 years ago Will you at least send me pics of your boobs.

[jennylove]

Wiseman, please stop. Thank you.