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Girlfriend had sex with my best friend


TommyJohnson
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I've been in a relationship with a girl for 7 months. We got together at party where I was introduced by one of my best friends and we madeout a bit and took off from there. After all this time, she decides to let me know that she had sex with the friend that introduced me the night before the party. Obviously I was furious, but she begged and begged and told me she had become a better person because of me. She happens to have a body count of twice mine, and has never been in a serious relationship before us. Should I stay or trust my instincts and leave?

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She hooked up with your friend before you guys were in a relationship. You're being too hard on her. It would be different if she hooked up with your friend AFTER you guys were dating. Why were you furious? And "body count"? Really? It's 2018. I'm sure you asked her what her body count was. But never ask someone how many people they've slept with. First, it's rude. Second, you're likely not going to like the answer.

 

It seems like your instincts are grounded in insecurity and jealousy. I would say that unless she's given you a reason not to trust you, like actually cheating on you, stop flipping out on her. Because you're going to screw it up if you really like her. If you can't accept this minor thing, then you're going to have more outbursts and she'll eventually leave you and then you'll be the one cryin the blues. Lighten up on her. Be nice.

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Well the friend thing, it was before you got together so let that go.

That being said, trusts your instincts. If your gut is pulling at you, there's a reason for it.

He should be careful though. Make sure he's following his instincts and not his insecurity. He sounded like he really got angry at her for that. Which is unjustified in my opinion. It would be a shame for him to ditch someone that he likes being with because of fear of what may happen. She's made it pretty clear she's into him. I think he should cut her some slack.
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He should be careful though. Make sure he's following his instincts and not his insecurity. He sounded like he really got angry at her for that. Which is unjustified in my opinion. It would be a shame for him to ditch someone that he likes being with because of fear of what may happen. She's made it pretty clear she's into him. I think he should cut her some slack.

 

 

True but what most likely will happen is they will end anyway eventually if he can't handle this and the number of guys she's already had sex with.

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I cannot understand why you are mad at her. she did nothing wrong.

 

So what if she has been with more people. Deal with your own insecurities, or end it. She does not deserve or need your judgement and mistreatment.

 

How would you feel if someone had judged you on the number of partners you have had?

Edited by Hollyj
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I've been in a relationship with a girl for 7 months. We got together at party where I was introduced by one of my best friends and we madeout a bit and took off from there. After all this time, she decides to let me know that she had sex with the friend that introduced me the night before the party. Obviously I was furious, but she begged and begged and told me she had become a better person because of me. She happens to have a body count of twice mine, and has never been in a serious relationship before us. Should I stay or trust my instincts and leave?
Well, let's get this straight, she slept with your friend before you guys got together? I mean if it were me, and I have been in this type of situation before before hooking up with someone, I thought it was better that I disclosed it now instead of them finding out later and being surprised, kind of like you are right now. However, if this is a sin, it's really is a small one, and it's more of a blow to your ego than anything.

 

The friend thing, yeah it's a little bit of a weird thought, huh?

 

As for the body count, as long as she's clean and it was safe, what's the problem?

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None of it justifies you expressing anger toward her. You are 100% welcome to feel too weird about it to continue pursuing a relationship with her, To be honest, I couldn't if I were in your shoes. It is kinda "ehhhhhh" that she waited 8 months to tell you if she was going to tell you at all (which she had no obligation to and perhaps shouldn't have, assuming it was simply a lay and your friend's got sense enough not to kiss and tell), but at the end of the day she didn't actually do anything wrong. She shared something with you and now you look at her differently-- and likely always will. It happens, and often for far more arbitrary **** than this.

 

Be honest with yourself and spare both yourself the trouble and her the unfairness of this being held over her. If this is gamebreaking, then respond accordingly and wish her the best. Absolutely do not act in anger toward her, though.

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She indeed did nothing wrong, it is weird that it took her so long to tell you about it, but I understand her hesitation and the weirdness of it being with your best friend. I have to ask though, is he really your best friend or did he get a promotion because it feels really bad? Just curious.

 

As for the "body count" (disgusting definition), you should get over that because it's absolutely none of your business. Its fine to prefer people who haven't slept with many, but comparing it to yours is troublesome, especially when you call it a "body count". Do you enjoy sex as an shared intimate activity or do you consider it dirty? Or is it only when a woman does it too much that bothers you?

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I've been in a relationship with a girl for 7 months. We got together at party where I was introduced by one of my best friends and we madeout a bit and took off from there. After all this time, she decides to let me know that she had sex with the friend that introduced me the night before the party. Obviously I was furious, but she begged and begged and told me she had become a better person because of me. She happens to have a body count of twice mine, and has never been in a serious relationship before us. Should I stay or trust my instincts and leave?

 

Horrible. This isn't relationship material.

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By comparing "bodycounts", you sound like a very judgemental person who ascribes to gender double standards when it comes to sex and women. This type of mentality is hurtful when it comes to relationships and can make you a toxic partner. No-one likes to be put through this kind of criticism and you won't like it either if it is ever done to you.

 

The thing that would bother me in your scenario is not being told sooner. Had the guy been out of your lives then she would not have been obliged to tell you at all but given that you presumably still associated with him then it would have been best to give you a heads up. The same goes for your best friend. Imo, your anger about that is justified.

 

You ve known her for 7 months now. You have had some indication of her overall character. Had this not come up, would you be happy with the rest of the relationship or are there other things that are bothering you? If you were happy and that's the only thing that she did then you may want to consider forgiving the delay in telling you. If there are other things that are bothering you, then you may indeed need to listen to your instincts.

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Who can expect a serious relationship from someone you "hooked up with" at a party?

That's my first question. If she was willing to hook up/make out with someone she met three minutes ago at a party -- how can you be surprised if she has not already done the same with a friend?

 

If you don't like the idea she slept with your friend, that's fine, but if you don't want to date a girl that might have slept with a friend, meet a girl who is not interested in swapping bodily fluids at parties with new guys, right?

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