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Older Sister copies me and basically tries to steal my personality?


Heaz99
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She copies the way I speak! How is that even possible!? I'm not sure If you have read my previous posts, but if you have you would know she has never liked me. In fact, I'm sure that's why my oldest sister and her started talking bad about me. I know, this sounds extremely petty, but this behavior is getting on my nerves! I am a very good writer and most of the people in my family know that, but there was one time where I brought it up and she responded with "I didn't know you were a writer!". Keep in mind she barely knew anything about it at the time. Now, she's on to copying that! She took a writing class at her college, but I shouldn't be freaking out about that. It's probably mandatory.

 

Anyway, i have noticed that anything I do or like, she will start to like the same. I really feel like she somehow knows this is getting on my nerves. Has anyone had the same experience? Also, why is she doing this? I know that most people say it's flattering, but it gets to me. I do know for a fact that she was jealous of the time I got on honor roll. She would always say: "I wish I was smart" in a sulky way. Then the year after that she finally started busting her butt to get good grades. Before that she always slacked off. She even started trying to sound smart by using nerdy terminology for everything. I know that in the past, she was jealous of me and sometimes I still feel like she is. It's like she tries to steal everything I like and ultimately take credit for it! It annoys the crap out of me. How should I deal with this?

Thanks for reading this guys

The help is appreciated I hope I don't sound too much like an A hole lol! I guess I'm just upset.

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I know, this sounds extremely petty,.

I would agree with that ^ . Sounds like typical sibling rivalry. Add that to your general anxiety issues (and bipolar), everything becomes huge and out of proportion (to you). Not much you can do about it, other than move out and find a place of your own.

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Typically someone who copies you has a poor sense of self and an inferiority complex. I guess you can say it's the ultimate form of flattery, but I think it's rather sad. In any event, there are two things you can do. You can sit down and have a serious heart-to-heart talk asking her what's wrong and why she feels like she has to copy you. And the other thing is to praise her when she makes her own decision on what to do and what she wears. Compliment her when he's doing something that doesn't copy you. Hopefully that will reinforce her own confidence and self-worth. And now that you're older, maybe see her less often so she has less opportunity to keep up with you.

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I don't understand why you'd interpret sister's efforts to learn how to write well and improve herself scholastically are attributable to copying you. I'd keep my eyes on my own paper and avoid ramping up sibling rivalry over stuff you don't even have a right to claim as your territory.

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Ask your parents to take you to a doctor for a check up and evaluation. Becoming agitated, irritable and paranoid could be symptoms that you need a medication adjustment or more talk therapy in addition to better medical management.

I have also been diagnosed with bipolar that I had since I was a kid. Because of all this, I was pulled out of school, Isolated myself and got really bad social anxiety. It was a lot to deal with considering I already had mental issues.
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She copies the way I speak! How is that even possible!? I'm not sure If you have read my previous posts, but if you have you would know she has never liked me. In fact, I'm sure that's why my oldest sister and her started talking bad about me. I know, this sounds extremely petty, but this behavior is getting on my nerves! I am a very good writer and most of the people in my family know that, but there was one time where I brought it up and she responded with "I didn't know you were a writer!". Keep in mind she barely knew anything about it at the time. Now, she's on to copying that! She took a writing class at her college, but I shouldn't be freaking out about that. It's probably mandatory.

 

Anyway, i have noticed that anything I do or like, she will start to like the same. I really feel like she somehow knows this is getting on my nerves. Has anyone had the same experience? Also, why is she doing this? I know that most people say it's flattering, but it gets to me. I do know for a fact that she was jealous of the time I got on honor roll. She would always say: "I wish I was smart" in a sulky way. Then the year after that she finally started busting her butt to get good grades. Before that she always slacked off. She even started trying to sound smart by using nerdy terminology for everything. I know that in the past, she was jealous of me and sometimes I still feel like she is. It's like she tries to steal everything I like and ultimately take credit for it! It annoys the crap out of me. How should I deal with this?

Thanks for reading this guys

The help is appreciated I hope I don't sound too much like an A hole lol! I guess I'm just upset.

 

 

The sincerest form of flattery is imitation. That's all you need to know about her behavior.

Just stay true to yourself. If what you like and what you produce comes from the authentic you, that will just shine through vs someone else jumping on your bandwagon for self serving reasons.

Find a crowd that accepts you for who you are and get your strength from them.

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Actually - when you live with someone or have lived with someone at some point - you DO start to sound like your family members and friends with speech quirks. I doubt she is studying your every nuance to copy you. When i was with certain relatives that lived in a different part of the country, i tend to fall back into the regional way of speaking. I have a certain hand gestures and some verbal expressions that are totally my dad, etc, too.

 

If she takes a writing class - you know that writing is a basic skill that most people want to do better at so doing so doesn't mean she is copying you. I mean, if she was taking hang gliding lessons and you already took them i can understand, but not for writing or basic life skills or let's even say learning computers better.

Your sister might not be as good as you are at things, but she is trying.

 

would you feel intimidated if your sister became good at something? Do you need her to be lagging behind, etc, to fit your needs?

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Actually - when you live with someone or have lived with someone at some point - you DO start to sound like your family members and friends with speech quirks. I doubt she is studying your every nuance to copy you. When i was with certain relatives that lived in a different part of the country, i tend to fall back into the regional way of speaking. I have a certain hand gestures and some verbal expressions that are totally my dad, etc, too.

 

If she takes a writing class - you know that writing is a basic skill that most people want to do better at so doing so doesn't mean she is copying you. I mean, if she was taking hang gliding lessons and you already took them i can understand, but not for writing or basic life skills or let's even say learning computers better.

Your sister might not be as good as you are at things, but she is trying.

 

would you feel intimidated if your sister became good at something? Do you need her to be lagging behind, etc, to fit your needs?

To be honest sometimes I feel it's true. It's like I need to be good at everything. I've had that since a very young age. It kind've sucks.

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I understand what you guys are saying. This isn't normal. Now that I think of it, it's sounds like I am taking this far too seriously. Maybe she isn't copying me and It's just in my head. After all, bipolar can do that to you. I will look into getting meds adjusted.

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Sorry, but from where I'm sitting it's you that sounds jealous. Your sister sounds like she looks up to you and respects you as well. Its sad that you can't put away your pettiness and learn to love your sibling.

 

I will be honest. I am jealous that my oldest sister actually treats her like her sister. Though, she wants nothing to do with me. It sucks!

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I will be honest. I am jealous that my oldest sister actually treats her like her sister. Though, she wants nothing to do with me. It sucks!

 

Try asking each sister individually if she thinks there's anything you can do to help build a better bond between the two of you. If she says no, consider her as feeling put on the spot. Tell her that you understand she's not in the mood for this conversation now, but if she thinks about it in the future, your offer will still be open then.

 

If she starts an argument about whatever she believes you do wrong, just listen and let her vent without fighting. Stay silent until she gets it all out, and then tell her, "I hear, and thank you for telling me this. I'd like for us to have a better relationship going forward. I hope you'll consider ways that I can make this up to you and you can let me know."

 

Then leave her alone for a while and let her process what you're saying. It might not work out immediately, but you've planted some seeds for a better relationship down the road.

 

Head high.

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  • 3 years later...
On 4/12/2018 at 12:12 AM, Heaz99 said:

She copies the way I speak! How is that even possible!? I'm not sure If you have read my previous posts, but if you have you would know she has never liked me. In fact, I'm sure that's why my oldest sister and her started talking bad about me. I know, this sounds extremely petty, but this behavior is getting on my nerves! I am a very good writer and most of the people in my family know that, but there was one time where I brought it up and she responded with "I didn't know you were a writer!". Keep in mind she barely knew anything about it at the time. Now, she's on to copying that! She took a writing class at her college, but I shouldn't be freaking out about that. It's probably mandatory.

 

Anyway, i have noticed that anything I do or like, she will start to like the same. I really feel like she somehow knows this is getting on my nerves. Has anyone had the same experience? Also, why is she doing this? I know that most people say it's flattering, but it gets to me. I do know for a fact that she was jealous of the time I got on honor roll. She would always say: "I wish I was smart" in a sulky way. Then the year after that she finally started busting her butt to get good grades. Before that she always slacked off. She even started trying to sound smart by using nerdy terminology for everything. I know that in the past, she was jealous of me and sometimes I still feel like she is. It's like she tries to steal everything I like and ultimately take credit for it! It annoys the crap out of me. How should I deal with this?

Thanks for reading this guys

The help is appreciated I hope I don't sound too much like an A hole lol! I guess I'm just upset.

 

On 4/12/2018 at 1:06 AM, DanZee said:

Typically someone who copies you has a poor sense of self and an inferiority complex. I guess you can say it's the ultimate form of flattery, but I think it's rather sad. In any event, there are two things you can do. You can sit down and have a serious heart-to-heart talk asking her what's wrong and why she feels like she has to copy you. And the other thing is to praise her when she makes her own decision on what to do and what she wears. Compliment her when he's doing something that doesn't copy you. Hopefully that will reinforce her own confidence and self-worth. And now that you're older, maybe see her less often so she has less opportunity to keep up with you.

I really like what you have said I might try this 

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