After 2 Years, He's Moving In With New Gf

[namharnotalone]

My ex moved on about 6 months after he dumped me. It's been 2 years since our breakup and I have never taken a breakup this hard. I moved past the whole I need him back phase. I have acknowledged with the assistance of my friends that he was not the right match for me. I dated someone new very briefly and got over that very quickly. I went through the 'I'm myself again!' phase which was a blessing. But now I lay cooped up in my room avoiding meeting new people and I go to work just to get out and wonder how happy he is with his new setup. Not everyday anymore, but some days.

Sporadically, like yesterday, I'll see an old sweet pic of us and it triggers me to think of him and then check on him on social - TERRIBLE IDEA. His new gf looks similar to me but seems to have more in common with him and he pushed forward to the next step I wanted - they're moving in together. Idk why that hit me soooo hard. I guess I wanted to be the only one who made a mark in his life. I obsessed over how I'm different from when we dated. I was really immature and rubbed his friends the wrong way. She is my age and he's brought her around his friends and that's another thing I wanted. I think about how if we met now I would have had a better reputation with him and his friends.

I saw him once after the breakup while I was bartending somewhere and I was SO awkward and reminded him of something messed up he did to me during our breakup - WHY. I think about that too how he must feel so relieved he doesn't deal with me anymore.

I fell into deep depression afterwards beating myself about how unhappy I am with work, how I still haven't moved on, and how I feel like a super loser. Friends will tell me I'm not, but nothing anyone says helps. It feels like they're all in happy relationships.

How do you center yourself to believe happiness will find you and another person's happiness doesn't define you? How did you cope if you were dumped and your ex moved on to be happy while you remained single and possibly unhappy?

[Wiseman2]

Have you considered alternate career courses/training? Have you considered that you may be depressed or drink a little too much? This has nothing to do with a relationship ending 2 yrs ago. It has to do with all the voids and vacancies in your life. It sounds like you are looking at their social media drowning your sorrows and loneliness. At 26 it's time to get help for some for this rather than believe it's all about the breakup and him,etc.

how unhappy I am with work, how I still haven't moved on

[namharnotalone]

I am depressed and I do drink too much and I definitely use the break up from two years ago as a source of blame for the things I haven't owned up to fixing on my own. When I take two steps forward, I take several back at times and I'm not disciplined.

[Hollyj]

Have you sought therapy? How long were you together?

 

You need to stop stalking this guy on social media.

[Hollyj]

I am depressed and I do drink too much and I definitely use the break up from two years ago as a source of blame for the things I haven't owned up to fixing on my own. When I take two steps forward, I take several back at times and I'm not disciplined.

 

You are the only one that can make the changes. Starting with cutting out the drinking.

[namharnotalone]

We were together 3 yrs.

I did seek therapy, but frankly I couldn't afford it. It felt like a loop. To heal I need this, but I don't have enough money so that adds to frustration. I experienced a lot of other things during our relationships which is why I think this breakup hurt so much. I haven't been able to work through the other things either.

I limited my drinking earlier this year, but fall back into the habits if I'm having a really tough day.

[Hollyj]

Then seek AA. The meetings are free.

 

One thing that helped me, was getting rid of EVERY reminder I had of the ex. I cleared him out of my life. I also forced myself to get out and become involved with many new activities. Have you tried any new courses, Meetups, volunteering etc.... Time to help yourself.

 

It seems that it is safer for you to hold on to all of this, than move forward and being happy.

[namharnotalone]

I was doing really well the past year. I joined a couple of meetup groups to focus on being social again and finally enjoyed alone time. I made it pretty much all year without checking on him and then yesterday seeing a pic gave me this compulsive need to look knowing what I might find could hurt. I think I should block him. I'm so worried about how I'll look (lame or obsessed) that I don't force every sign of him out - mainly social. I'm also friends with his family on social. If I didn't check social I would've never known about this update and I wouldn't have cared.

[Hollyj]

You need to block. Now! He is busy with his own life, and I'm sorry, I don't think he will be bothered by it. You must also block the family. You need to cut all contacts. You should have done this long ago.

 

You need to move on with your life. It is precious.

[DancingFool]

I was doing really well the past year. I joined a couple of meetup groups to focus on being social again and finally enjoyed alone time. I made it pretty much all year without checking on him and then yesterday seeing a pic gave me this compulsive need to look knowing what I might find could hurt. I think I should block him. I'm so worried about how I'll look (lame or obsessed) that I don't force every sign of him out - mainly social. I'm also friends with his family on social. If I didn't check social I would've never known about this update and I wouldn't have cared.

 

Doing what is healthy for you and what you need to move on is NEVER lame or bad. Failing to do so, however is. Ex's are no longer a part of your life and as such, there is no reason whatsoever to have any strings attached to them even if it's social media and you don't check often, etc. You simply need to do today what you should have done 2 years ago - total spring cleaning. Get rid of whatever reminds you of him.

 

Anyway, he has moved on and is living his life. He or his family no longer care about you, an ex. I know it's harsh, but you need to accept that he is history and the only person who keeps this alive and keeps giving him validity in your life is just you. NO more excuses. Just cut those strings. You might just be surprised at how mentally and emotionally freeing that actually is. Give yourself permission to finally move on. There is better for you out there and a better life, but you've got to get out and get it.

[Clio]

You need to block him and all his family. They won't care. They are busy living their own lives. Keeping them on on social media is like shooting yourself on the foot. You seriously need to prioritize your own mental well-being over what some former acquaintances might think. At this point keeping them on social media is causing you harm. You seriously need to remove this trigger.

[WildChildOG]

There are so many facets to your own story, and I hope you will find yourself realizing that you are worth more than what you are allowing yourself to feel. The first thing you need to do is to commit to the AA meetings. I don't have to tell you that the drink seems easy to turn to, but it magnifies your low self esteem, depression, alienating yourself, and denial of other things that were going on during your relationship with your ex that you admittedly have not wanted to deal with.

 

I think, in what bit you've mentioned, you have trapped yourself into your past. And until you deal with those things, you are on the 'repeat' cycle. Those things that you want in a relationship are doable, and just because he is doing those things with someone other than you does not mean that you aren't worthy of that or not deserving. What it means is that the person you are supposed to do and have those things with is still out there waiting to meet you, just like you are waiting for them. BUT, you have to A) deal with the things that have you locked into your past, B) curb your drinking, and C) keep your ex out of your mind, heart, and life. You are doing no good to yourself nor any potential partner or relationship until you love yourself enough to realize you will do better once you feel better, keep the past in the past, and work on moving through everything in a healthy way. Focus on YOU.

[namharnotalone]

Thanks for reading my thread. I think another factor that would help me is staying off of these forums. It definitely makes me feel worse. The responses don't come from a place of sensitivity, which is what one needs when they come here. I'll likely get backlash for this as well. However, I will apply the logical feedback I got from everyone and start building my confidence up. Thanks and good luck if you're experiencing something similar.

[Hollyj]

The best thing you can do, is not see this as negative. No one was negative in response.

I hope the feedback will motivate you to look at your part in this, and do what is necessary to move on. Don't waste another two years of your life. And please get help for the drinking.

[11moreweeks]

Thanks for reading my thread. I think another factor that would help me is staying off of these forums. It definitely makes me feel worse. The responses don't come from a place of sensitivity, which is what one needs when they come here. I'll likely get backlash for this as well. However, I will apply the logical feedback I got from everyone and start building my confidence up. Thanks and good luck if you're experiencing something similar.

 

I agree with you that there are a lot of insensitive replies on these forums. It's easy to discount the value of negative responses, IMO, because everyone on here is jaded from a breakup. I do think a lot of posters need to work on their sensitivity.