What Is Going On With Me?

[towagam]

Ok so this isn't so much about advice or anything of that nature but I just wanted to share some crazy events that have happened in my life the past 1.5 years after my ex breaking up with me. A little backstory...We were together for around 7 years and some of it was LDR in different countries. I moved to her country and things didn't work out and she broke up with me and was in a relationship a few weeks after I left. I had suspected there was someone else. We had been in a LDR for about 2 years and I had become very needy and clingy towards the end. We started arguing more and I wasn't seeing things from her perspective because I was only looking at my point of view. Did she have her part in this break up? Of course but looking back I get it now...It has made me realize a few of my flaws that I was ignoring for far to long.

 

 

Anyways it is what it is and we haven't spoken in about 15 months. But I've always felt like we would end up back together eventually at some point in the future because we've always had a very strong connection in the sense of our energy...It's hard to explain but we knew when one of us needed each other the most and would literally call or text at the same time and we were always on the same wave length until the last few months of the relationship.

 

Since the breakup I have had a lot of signs in my life regarding her...After the breakup I moved to be with a sibling that I haven't seen in about 15 years. I literally moved to the other side of the world. During this time so much has happened that I just don't know what it means...for example:

 

-The first week in my new country I went for a walk and a group of street performers were playing a song. I stop by and listen as they are finishing up. As I'm about to walk away the lead singer says don't go anywhere we're about to play a song you're going to love. They proceed to play a song that me and my ex would listen to all the time for years...It's not a popular song by any means as its from 2008 and I've never heard it performed randomly on the street before...Coincidence? Maybe...

 

-After a few months in my new country one of my friends invites me to a party. I met this girl and we start talking and I mention a few places I've been to and when I mention the country that my ex is from she proceeds to tell me that her mom was adopted and raised in my exes country and she has family in the same city as my ex...

 

-At my workplace I start talking to a female co-worker of mine. Just talking about random stuff and she asks me if I have a GF and I said no and give her a few details about what happened and she proceeds to tell me that she loves the city where my ex is from and actually has a few friends from there...She told me she met them while traveling abroad and decided to visit her country. She also told me that she's never heard of the country until she met them.

 

-One night I'm out with another female co-worker and we are having a few drinks and enjoying the night. It was probably the best night I had since I got to the country. Afterwards I decide to go to the shop and get a snack on my way home. Its about 2 am and I get to a shop and something tells me to go to the other shop down the road. So I walk to the other shop and as I walk in I hear this man talking and I hear his accent and I immediately recognize where he's from...I ask him how he's doing in his language (exes language) and he turns around and is shocked because he hasn't met anyone that knows where he's from lol. We end up talking for a bit and he tells me that his family is back home in the same city as my ex. My exes country has a little over 2 million people in it so the chances of meeting people from there are kind of slim let alone the same city....

 

-Another night I'm out with a this girl and we are talking and she tells me a story about a good friend of hers and she mentions her name and its the same name as my exes sister...Her name is not common and its the only other time I've heard someone say it...But thats not the weird part. As she's telling me the story of her friend...My exes sister happens to call me at the same damn time...My phone is on the table so we see her name and picture come up on my screen...The girl looks at the phone and says how crazy is it that she would call you at the same time I'm telling you the story about my friend with the same name lol...I didn't pick up the phone so I'm not sure why she called.

 

These were just some of the "signs" or whatever you want to call it that happened while I was on the other side of the world. Mind you my ex comes from a very small country that most people probably have never heard of or have no idea where it is. I know some of you will say these things are just coincidence but after so many things happening to me I am just confused at this point...But I'm not done because after a year abroad I moved to the other side of the world again to a new country...So part 2 is below of whats happened to me in the past few months.

 

-Alright so the first day I get to the new country I'm staying in a hostel while I search for a permanent apartment. I wake up and go get breakfast from the common area and start talking to one of the other guys that is staying there. He is from the same country that I just left..I don't make anything of it. We start talking and he tells me that he's flying out later in the day to the same city where my ex lives...His family is from that country and he is going to visit them for the first time since he's been a child...Remember I'm in a new country now..

 

-So after about a week of staying in the hostel I find an apartment and move in. I go online and start looking to possibly get a dog since I'm living on my own and could use the company. I find one and contact the owner of the pup and she sends me a video of the dog being trained by her daughter which just so happens to have the same name as my ex (the name is very unique to say the least even in her country, let alone where the owner of the dog is from)...Things just keep getting weirder as you can see...I decide not to get the dog because I still want to do some traveling and I know how much time and effort it requires to raise a pup and take good care of it...Moving on..

 

-After living in my new place for a few months the heating company was having some issues with the meters in the building so they weren't able to send out the bills on time. They were coming in a month late. For some reason the office decides to post what everyone owes from the past month and put the printout in the elevator that has every residents name and apt #...As I look at what I owe and get curious and look at the names of my neighbors in the building...I notice one of the residents has the first initial of my exes nickname that I gave her (it became what everyone would call her by as time went on) and as I look at the last name, its my exes last name as well(and yes the last name is unique as well)....The APT #with the same last name as my ex is #29 and my ex turns 29 later this year....I live in APT #31...which is the age I turn later this year as well...No my ex doesn't live in the building or even in my current country just in case anyone is wondering lol.

 

 

For those of you that have read everything I thank you! Some of you might think I'm crazy but I haven't made this stuff up...It seems that everywhere I go I keep getting some type of "sign" about her...We haven't talked in a long time and we don't follow each other on social media but I saw a picture on her sisters IG recently of them out and she's still with the same guy. Her sister contacts me every few months and we chat for a few days and then she'll write me again in 2-3 months but I don't give her much details about my life. I don't ask about my ex and she doesn't tell me anything either. I don't plan on reaching out but I might be visiting her country this summer to see her sister and some of the friends I have over there since I'm a little closer now and not all the way on the other side of the world.

 

I don't know what any of this stuff means but I've always had this feeling that we are going to eventually get back together. I'm over the breakup but I still love her and just want her to be happy in the end. She was special but I understand that there is nothing I can do now except keep moving forward. Anyways if we end up getting back together I will definitely update this thread

 

Oh and if anyone has had any similar experiences happen to them feel free to post them here as well!

[thealchemist]

We frequently see what we wish to see.

 

I wouldn't be very keen to get back with someone who was likely cheating on me then ended it.

[Wiseman2]

Agree with Alchemist. It seems you are grasping at straws to recapture this adventure.

[SooSad33]

Nah... just little whatevers.

Is like my son who once told me how we keep seeing the time of 9:11 on the clock.. but what he fails to realize is how often

we also see all of the other times as well.

 

We all have weird coincidences happen around us.. but only because it is a reminder of 'them'. or an incident, then it rings a bell in our mind.

 

Carry on.... keep going.

[towagam]

We frequently see what we wish to see.

 

I wouldn't be very keen to get back with someone who was likely cheating on me then ended it.

 

Eh nobody is perfect... People make mistakes... Anyone who thinks they had a partner that hasn't at least emotionally cheated on them in some way shape or form is lying to themselves...We are all human and nobody is perfect... I see way too many bitter people on this forum that are way too bitter about a break up.

[towagam]

Agree with Alchemist. It seems you are grasping at straws to recapture this adventure.

 

I'm not trying to recapture anything... The relationship is over and there is no going back to the old relationship . If anything ever happens in the future it has to be a brand new relationship.

[towagam]

Nah... just little whatevers.

Is like my son who once told me how we keep seeing the time of 9:11 on the clock.. but what he fails to realize is how often

we also see all of the other times as well.

 

We all have weird coincidences happen around us.. but only because it is a reminder of 'them'. or an incident, then it rings a bell in our mind.

 

Carry on.... keep going.

 

Some of the things I can agree on being coincidence but some of the things that have happened have way too much detail. They latest "coincidences" seem to happen just as I think less and less of her. It's like the further I move away the weirder the signs or whatever happen.

 

I'm still in no contact and I plan to keep moving forward. I don't have any urges to contact her or check up on her so I think I'm doing well.

[SweetGirl28]

Nearly every damn time I get in my car lately along my ex used to send me is playing.

And the temp displayed is his age...a lot lol but I know it's only that in noticing these things because he's on my mind.

If he wasn't, I wouldn't notice. I'm sure there's tons of times my other exe's age is the temp outside, or there's songs playing that used to mean something to us, but I don't realize it cuz I couldn't care less about it lol

 

She's still with the guy? I'd say your chances aren't too good, but as long as you're not holding your life up you can think of her and feel what you feel. Just don't ever let it stop you from being with anyone .

[towagam]

Nearly every damn time I get in my car lately along my ex used to send me is playing.

And the temp displayed is his age...a lot lol but I know it's only that in noticing these things because he's on my mind.

If he wasn't, I wouldn't notice. I'm sure there's tons of times my other exe's age is the temp outside, or there's songs playing that used to mean something to us, but I don't realize it cuz I couldn't care less about it lol

 

She's still with the guy? I'd say your chances aren't too good, but as long as you're not holding your life up you can think of her and feel what you feel. Just don't ever let it stop you from being with anyone .

 

Yeah from what I last saw she is but she didn't look to happy in the two pictures I saw but I have no idea how things are going with them and don't really care.

 

It hasn't stopped me from meeting other girls but I'm taking this time to focus on me traveling more and my business.

 

I was so down for a while but I've realized that this was a wake up call for my life. I've lost a lot of weight and gotten in shape. I've meet some really amazing people and made new friends in the process and have come out of my shell. I used to be somewhat quiet and reserved but now not so much.

 

I know I'll meet someone but if she came back I would entertain her and see how things go. We were both immature in different ways so we needed the split if not only to grow on our own. I have no idea if she has but I know that I have so that's all that matters at this point.

[thealchemist]

Eh nobody is perfect... People make mistakes... Anyone who thinks they had a partner that hasn't at least emotionally cheated on them in some way shape or form is lying to themselves...We are all human and nobody is perfect... I see way too many bitter people on this forum that are way too bitter about a break up.

I am not one of those bitter people on here.

 

I am 30 and have been with my now wife since 17.

 

I have never even been through a breakup...

 

And I honestly 100% do not think my wife has ever emotionally or otherwise cheated on me.

 

I know that I have never cheated in any way, shape, or form that my wife would ever consider an act of infidelity.

 

I also just wanted to say this in regards to your comment on someone else's post...

 

You never get a new relationship with someone you have already been in a relationship with. Even with something like "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind".

 

So don't lie to yourself thinking that is a real thing.

 

You can reconnect and make it work after a failed relationship, but that is the exception, not the rule.

 

But people who hold onto the idea of being with their ex in the future are not the people who make a reconnection like that.

 

Only when you have 100% totally let go of them could you ever possibly reconnect with any chance of success. Even then the chances are slim.

[towagam]

I am not one of those bitter people on here.

 

I am 30 and have been with my now wife since 17.

 

I have never even been through a breakup...

 

And I honestly 100% do not think my wife has ever emotionally or otherwise cheated on me.

 

I know that I have never cheated in any way, shape, or form that my wife would ever consider an act of infidelity.

 

I also just wanted to say this in regards to your comment on someone else's post...

 

You never get a new relationship with someone you have already been in a relationship with. Even with something like "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind".

 

So don't lie to yourself thinking that is a real thing.

 

You can reconnect and make it work after a failed relationship, but that is the exception, not the rule.

 

But people who hold onto the idea of being with their ex in the future are not the people who make a reconnection like that.

 

Only when you have 100% totally let go of them could you ever possibly reconnect with any chance of success. Even then the chances are slim.

 

OK.. So you've never been through a break up but you advise others on here on how to deal with a break up or getting back together?

 

I don't know you or your wife but whatever you think is your reality... Do you think that your wife would ever tell you that she emotionally cheated on you? Be realistic for one moment and think about yourself as a human being and a man. You're telling me that you've never thought of what it would be like to be with another woman? You don't think your wife has had the same thoughts about another man? You don't think she has male friends that are interested in her? Who have probably insinuated something to her about her appearance or how they like her as a person? You don't think that when she hears this from them that she might just daydream about what it would be like to be with someone else? You're fooling yourself... We are humans and we weren't meant to be with just one partner until the end of time...

 

I never said that I have let go 100 percent.. I'm working towards that. Will I ever get back with her? I have no idea but my intuition tells me that she'll be back eventually and I'll deal with it when that day comes. Does that mean that we end up happily ever after? Of course not but every situation is different and complex in its own right... You can't make general assumptions based on your own personal circumstances...

 

For you to think you have an idea of who can be together when you've never been in that persons situation is kind of ridiculous..

 

There is no picture perfect relationship or partner out there... Never has been and never will be.

 

Also what rules are there to life or relationships? Who made them up? Every single persons situation is different. What you think is a "rule" has no meaning to someone else. Stop generalizing rules and your beliefs on whatever subject you choose because each individual is different and has a different thought process...

[SweetGirl28]

I've been thru my share of breakups and a divorce. And I emotionally cheated because I was very neglected. There's only so many times you're going to ask your partner to pay some mind to you before you find yourself attracted to someone else. It's wrong, but ya it happens. My guy friends I'm not attracted to . If I were, I wouldn't be friends with them.

 

Emotional affairs are far worse than just a physical one. When you check out emotionally on your partner you're really in deep waters.

 

I think posters here try hard to be helpful and talk from life experience and knowledge, some might come across as harsh and jaded but over all we all know the truth hurts, and sometimes someone says something we really don't want to hear.

But the reality is it's rare to get back with an ex. Every situation is different, and we only hear one side here. It's not good to sugar coat things and coddle people because it's like giving false hope. And who needs that? We can get enough of rest from our exe's lol.

 

I will tell you as a person who did all the dumping, Except for this last time, I never got back together and had it work out.

It's easy to remember the relationship and the good parts, but the reality is that we all change and grow, and become different people. And might find the person we thought we wanted so badly again, we actually are not attracted to anymore upon reconnecting. Or those issues we hated are still there. Or the love just died.

 

I love my first love, but I'm not in love with him. Nor is he with me, but does love me. We are good friends and I do think we may be together one day when circumstances change, and so does he, but we both live our lives and if it doesn't happen again, we are okay with that. The friendship will never ever change. When he visits it's comfortable, it's fun, it's like no time has passed. The connection is still there, minus the romantic feelings. We know if ever we were to live in the same state again and be together, we would be starting from scratch, dating again and seeing what develops. We are open and honest about it, and have been for years, even up to this very day.

 

I think it's fine you have a dream or a bit of hope, as long as you keep reality in check. But the fact she's taken still and you don't have contact isn't a great sign. But I do know there's someone who posts here that reconnected and married and ex after years of no communication, so anything is possible.

[thealchemist]

Sorry if what I said offended you so.

 

But to clarify on a couple of things...

 

I don't think you understand the definition of emotional cheating.

 

Fantasizing about another person is not in any way emotional cheating. At least in no way to my wife and myself. I know she fantasizes about things like that. She tells me, I have no issues incorporating anything she wants into our sex life.

 

In all honesty I don't fantasize often at all. I am just kinda boring like that, most all my fantasies involve at least my wife, maybe more. I have a lot of sex and that is what my mind is actively on. I watch porn some too, but my wife doesn't care.

 

Emotional cheating is her putting a relationship at odds with ours. Getting too close to someone or something, that in some way seperates us. If it doesn't push me away I don't care.

 

We don't have any exs so that does simply things I feel.

 

But I never said the things I say are rules...

 

They are obviously opinions, this is a forum. Also if you don't want generalizations about your situation from people using their own experiences I would reconsider using a forum. That what everyone does. No professionals are on here that I am aware of.

 

I am on here mostly to learn from others. I have learned a lot since joining.

 

I do know one path to a great relationship, obviously not the only. I try to help people from the viewpoint of being a person extremely happy in their relationship.

[towagam]

I've been thru my share of breakups and a divorce. And I emotionally cheated because I was very neglected. There's only so many times you're going to ask your partner to pay some mind to you before you find yourself attracted to someone else. It's wrong, but ya it happens. My guy friends I'm not attracted to . If I were, I wouldn't be friends with them.

 

Emotional affairs are far worse than just a physical one. When you check out emotionally on your partner you're really in deep waters.

 

I think posters here try hard to be helpful and talk from life experience and knowledge, some might come across as harsh and jaded but over all we all know the truth hurts, and sometimes someone says something we really don't want to hear.

But the reality is it's rare to get back with an ex. Every situation is different, and we only hear one side here. It's not good to sugar coat things and coddle people because it's like giving false hope. And who needs that? We can get enough of rest from our exe's lol.

 

I will tell you as a person who did all the dumping, Except for this last time, I never got back together and had it work out.

It's easy to remember the relationship and the good parts, but the reality is that we all change and grow, and become different people. And might find the person we thought we wanted so badly again, we actually are not attracted to anymore upon reconnecting. Or those issues we hated are still there. Or the love just died.

 

I love my first love, but I'm not in love with him. Nor is he with me, but does love me. We are good friends and I do think we may be together one day when circumstances change, and so does he, but we both live our lives and if it doesn't happen again, we are okay with that. The friendship will never ever change. When he visits it's comfortable, it's fun, it's like no time has passed. The connection is still there, minus the romantic feelings. We know if ever we were to live in the same state again and be together, we would be starting from scratch, dating again and seeing what develops. We are open and honest about it, and have been for years, even up to this very day.

 

I think it's fine you have a dream or a bit of hope, as long as you keep reality in check. But the fact she's taken still and you don't have contact isn't a great sign. But I do know there's someone who posts here that reconnected and married and ex after years of no communication, so anything is possible.

 

That's what I've been trying to say... Nobody is perfect and emotional cheating does happen all the time whether we want to believe it or not.. Because nobody is perfect. It's just how we are as human beings ...

 

I'm curious because you say that you love your first love and that he loves you but you need the circumstances to change? Why not just try and make it work? You only have one life...Why think about what could have been and not try and see what can be? If it doesn't work out than who cares.. At least you won't be on your death bed one day wondering and regretting something even if it doesn't work out...

 

As for my situation I'm really not worried about the no contact aspect. That's part of growing as a human being. I'm living my life as is she. I haven't tried to get involved or tried to let my presence known of what I've been up to. Do I think she tries to look up what I'm up to? Absolutely lol. I've realized it's normal... Unless you're a robot you will always want to know how someone is doing especially if you treated them right or they treated you right for the most part.

 

Also one thing I've learned over the past 1.5 years is to never say never and never say always.. A 92 year old man told me this while telling me his life story lol

[towagam]

Sorry if what I said offended you so.

 

But to clarify on a couple of things...

 

I don't think you understand the definition of emotional cheating.

 

Fantasizing about another person is not in any way emotional cheating. At least in no way to my wife and myself. I know she fantasizes about things like that. She tells me, I have no issues incorporating anything she wants into our sex life.

 

In all honesty I don't fantasize often at all. I am just kinda boring like that, most all my fantasies involve at least my wife, maybe more. I have a lot of sex and that is what my mind is actively on. I watch porn some too, but my wife doesn't care.

 

Emotional cheating is her putting a relationship at odds with ours. Getting too close to someone or something, that in some way seperates us. If it doesn't push me away I don't care.

 

We don't have any exs so that does simply things I feel.

 

But I never said the things I say are rules...

 

They are obviously opinions, this is a forum. Also if you don't want generalizations about your situation from people using their own experiences I would reconsider using a forum. That what everyone does. No professionals are on here that I am aware of.

 

I am on here mostly to learn from others. I have learned a lot since joining.

 

I do know one path to a great relationship, obviously not the only. I try to help people from the viewpoint of being a person extremely happy in their relationship.

 

Point taken and I'm not offended. I was just trying to point out that no single situation is the same. Nobody goes through the same relationship with the same issues or problems and telling someone that they should do xyz really isn't helping much.

 

I know this forum doesn't have any experts and I wasn't looking for advice. If anything I just wanted to share my story and some of the things that have happened to me in the past 1.5 years. I knew that I would get the cookie cutter post that I received but it is what it is.

 

The only experience in life that counts is actual life experience... One of the woman I mentioned in my original post was one that was in a "happy" relationship with someone that she felt was her "soul mate"... Before leaving she told me that she wouldn't mind if I slept in her room just so that I wouldn't have to walk home..