Handling a “Break-up” when nothing happened

[ChaseBuck]

I was seeing a girl, whom I’ve known since kindergarten, for about 3 months. We’re in college and I ran into her and we clicked. We dated for a bit and then suddenly she told me she had feelings for an ex that resurfaced after he texted her saying he wanted to try again. I told her I didn’t mind that they were friends because were adults, who wouldn’t? I wasnt aware that either had feelings still though. She was open and honest and told me she didn’t want to hurt me because she had conflicted emotions. I wasn’t mad or anything, I know she liked me and meant well. I just am having trouble getting over her and we only officially dated a few weeks

[reinventmyself]

I read once that a relationship of short duration are often times just as hard to recover from.

When you think about it, in the beginning is when you are the best behavior, riding the high on infatuation and most hopeful.

It's a long way to fall.

 

I get you are confused as to why you feel the way you do after only dated a short time. But if you consider looking at this way, it might make more sense.

[AutumnBorn]

How long ago was the "break-up"?

 

Just because a relationship was short doesn't mean it wasn't profound, important, and worth mourning. Right now, this is about you, not her. I recommend you just start living a biography worthy life. Start today...have an adventure, set some goals (that don't involve her). Just work on you so you have some amazing stories to tell should she start sniffing around again or to tell the next girl who captures your imagination.

 

I know it's not much, but that's my advice.

 

Ideas:

 

Take up a new hobby (photography, painting - something creative).

Learn to play an instrument or pick up one you haven't played in awhile.

Make a goal of meeting three new people a week. When you do, ask questions that evoke thoughtful responses - show a real interest in the stories of others.

Volunteer with an organization you're passionate about.

[SarahJay]

Maybe it's for the best then if she could jump in and out so quickly.

[DanZee]

Usually this is just an excuse to let you down easy. It's the old, we can still be friends break up. Just try to keep busy and don't let it get you down. Ask another girl out for a date. Just to get your kindergarten friend out of your system.

[thorough]

I was seeing a girl, whom I’ve known since kindergarten, for about 3 months. We’re in college and I ran into her and we clicked. We dated for a bit and then suddenly she told me she had feelings for an ex that resurfaced after he texted her saying he wanted to try again. I told her I didn’t mind that they were friends because were adults, who wouldn’t? I wasnt aware that either had feelings still though. She was open and honest and told me she didn’t want to hurt me because she had conflicted emotions. I wasn’t mad or anything, I know she liked me and meant well. I just am having trouble getting over her and we only officially dated a few weeks

 

Sounds like you were a rebound, sadly, but also that line has been used on me more times then I would like by different guys. These guys told me how much they loved/liked me, but couldn't be w/me. She is rejecting you w/out outright rejecting you, your best bet is to not be friends and just find a woman who wants to date you. The danger of staying friends is her warming up to you when she has no other options. In the end you will be hurt and your emotions played w/. Do not feel sorry for her because she doesn't actually feel that way, she is just trying to keep away from you. Good luck w/everything.

[catfeeder]

I told her I didn’t mind that they were friends because were adults, who wouldn’t?

 

Me. I wouldn't involve myself with anyone who's still involved with an ex in any way, shape or form beyond shared children. Ditto with anyone who's fresh out of a breakup. You're learning WHY.

 

Nobody will ever tell you that they're rebounding, because people who are rebounding don't own the clarity to recognize what they do. It's up to each of us to look out for ourselves and not allow someone else's bad judgment to guide our own choices. I'd take from this that I made a mistake that I won't make again, and this would give me the confidence to move forward and date people who are actually healthy and available rather than position myself for insecurity about matches that I could have screened much better.

 

Head high, we all live and learn.

[ChaseBuck]

It happened last week, so it’s relatively fresh, but the idea of her with a guy that I know nothing about really and that it was so sudden is really upsetting because she said I “literally did nothing wrong it’s all her” and that makes me wonder if that was a lie

[Wiseman2]

Don't be friendzoned while she works this out with her ex. Just back way off and start dating other girls.

she told me she had feelings for an ex that resurfaced after he texted her saying he wanted to try again.

[11moreweeks]

One of the most important things you can do right now is to not put quotation marks around breakup. It was a breakup.

 

Rather than discrediting the legitimacy of the breakup with quotation marks, IMO the relationship itself should be more discredited -- if she was still hung up on her ex, and if you were a rebound, then it wasn't coming from a legitimate place and was never going to work out that well. Her emotions and personality were defined by her being hung up on her ex and needing fulfillment. If she was a "whole person", she likely would have not been the same person you knew her to be -- you might have never had much any compatibility.

[catfeeder]

It happened last week, so it’s relatively fresh, but the idea of her with a guy that I know nothing about really and that it was so sudden is really upsetting because she said I “literally did nothing wrong it’s all her” and that makes me wonder if that was a lie

Choosing to engage someone who's fresh out of a breakup or who otherwise chooses to engage an ex won't be considered 'wrong' to that person. It permits their agenda. Until their agenda leads them away from you.

 

I wouldn't allow this ex to be a judge of the rightness or wrongness of your choices. The outcome teaches you that.

[OllieB123]

Me. I wouldn't involve myself with anyone who's still involved with an ex in any way, shape or form beyond shared children. Ditto with anyone who's fresh out of a breakup. You're learning WHY.

 

Nobody will ever tell you that they're rebounding, because people who are rebounding don't own the clarity to recognize what they do. It's up to each of us to look out for ourselves and not allow someone else's bad judgment to guide our own choices. I'd take from this that I made a mistake that I won't make again, and this would give me the confidence to move forward and date people who are actually healthy and available rather than position myself for insecurity about matches that I could have screened much better.

 

Head high, we all live and learn.

 

This is spot on!!!!