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Intense Two Month Relationship Ended


Lizzers
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My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. We met on OKCupid and entered into a relationship very quickly. We both agreed we felt an instant connection and there was a lot of chemistry in the beginning.

 

Over the course of two months, I became increasingly unhappy once I realized who this person actually was. He was emotionally unavailable and had extreme paranoia about certain things. For example, he called me during an extremely busy work day because he had red marks on his penis to ask me if there was anything he needed to know. This was after us getting tested and having the results at the beginning of our relationship. He could shut his emotions off instantly. There were many other red flags, but despite these red flags I still developed feelings for him.

 

I am just so taken aback by the ending of this relationship. It all started so well, I truly thought this was the person I could see myself marrying and settling down with. More than anything I am very disappointed.

 

Yesterday he told me he saw no future with me, that the spark was gone, and asked if we could be friends. Of course I said no, and initiated no contact. I wiped him from my phone and all of my social media accounts.

 

I have learned a lot of lessons about moving too fast in relationships, but to be honest I'm going to be sad for a while.

 

Why do we sometimes gravitate towards someone that we know is bad for us?

 

How did you move on from such an intense connection with the wrong person? I've read that breakups are like drug withdrawal. I am taking each day as it comes and trying to cope in a healthy way.

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I have no idea how to cope, I've just been friendzoned as well and it became nasty so we cut each other off.

 

It's all a shock as it ended so quick.

 

I suggest reading posts on here as you'll see you're not the only one. That's what I have been doing for days and it is helping me.

 

If you've had other relationships in the past, especially longer lasting ones, just remember that you got through that and you will this.

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>>Why do we sometimes gravitate towards someone that we know is bad for us?

 

I dunno, temporary insanity? :D

 

Seriously though, I'd like to know the answer to this myself.

 

The logical brain says stay away, the emotional brain doesn't allow us to.

 

But if I were to hazard a guess, it's because we can't seem to let go of how things "were" and the potential for something beyond awesome, even though *logically* we know we should.

 

The feeling is completely emotional, and dare I say, even irrational given the current state of things in the *present*.

 

In time you will realize it's for the best though, and I speak from experience on that!

 

It will take time though and the ability to accept that it just "wasn't meant to be."

 

Be patient with yourself while you go through this process.

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Well, that's why we date, to find out more about the other person. People put too much pressure on dating. Dating is suppose to be about meeting another person. Going out and seeing if what the other person is like. And you continue on if two people like what they see. You definitely shouldn't go too quickly into such a relationship especially if the other person is basically a stranger. If you know the other person, you can take it a bit quicker.

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In the early days of meeting someone with whom we have 'chemistry', we get flooded with feelgood hormones. This means that we don't see things clearly, credit the other person with all sorts of marvellous qualities and get lost in a world of fantasy; also known as the 'honeymoon period'. Within my experience, it takes around three months to know whether you've got a relationship or not (though some bite the dust more quickly, as you have seen), and it's then that you can really start to get to know the other person - with the benefit of having taken off the rosy-tinted glasses.

 

That's what's happened in your case. You hadn't known this guy for long enough to know whether you were compatible long-term or not, in reality, but you're still in the intense head-over-heels emotion of the honeymoon period whereas he's moved on. Sure, you'll be sad for a while - but I can promise you that you'll look back in time and realise you dodged a bullet. The best way to heal is to do as you're already doing, cut contact and let time do its magic.

 

(((HUGS)))

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As others have said, it's easy to get swept up in the excitement of a new relationship and overlook certain things that are red flags.

 

But I also think a lot of it depends on our own emotional statements when we begin such relationships. If someone like your ex shows up at a time in our lives when we're feelings more vulnerable or lonely or fearful that we won't ever find someone, we're that much more likely to go along with it even when our gut is screaming at us to get out.

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It's ok. Anyone can have an intense attraction before they know someone. It sounds more like you dodged a bullet. You didn't know how weird he was in the beginning until this strange call:

For example, he called me during an extremely busy work day because he had red marks on his penis to ask me if there was anything he needed to know.
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As others have said, it's easy to get swept up in the excitement of a new relationship and overlook certain things that are red flags.

 

But I also think a lot of it depends on our own emotional statements when we begin such relationships. If someone like your ex shows up at a time in our lives when we're feelings more vulnerable or lonely or fearful that we won't ever find someone, we're that much more likely to go along with it even when our gut is screaming at us to get out.

 

Sums up the situation I was in. My Dad had died, went online dating for the first time ever, messaged someone. She replied and we messaged for a week. When I met her, I realised she wasn't quite how I expected....but after losing my Dad and the massive change to my life, I overlooked certain things and regret I hadn't thought rationally sooner.

 

She ended it however, and it's left me a bit broken.

 

Gut feelings absolutely.....mine said no and practically screened 'no' it wasn't right on the second date....but the fear of being alone and some attraction made me push on..... I should have listened to my gut.

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It could be due to the persons current stage in life and how he manages it - I was this guy once. A depression hit me and I started to be unsure about a lot of things and i ended something in a bad way - i needed to find myself. I think it's all about maturity and dealing with your problems. I ended it since I wasn't ready for a relationship - still i like the person a lot so I also offered friendship but just like in your case it wasn't an option.

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