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So I'm trying to focus on myself more rather than a ex who clearly DGAF. I've made a plan to buy a house next year so I can get my pugs which I dream about 🙃.

 

I need to take action on my plans I have an interview Thursday for a step up from what I'm doing now but smaller company and I want to go to the gym / get my nails done / eyebrows today but my motivation is so low out of habit sitting in bed 😑

 

What shall I do to kick this now?

I'm 6 weeks into antidepressants and they have balanced my moods

 

Guess best advice is to just do it!

 

Any other suggestions? Thanks

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I would encourage you to do one thing at a time. Long lists can be overwhelming when you are depressed.

 

Try to get one thing done every week. As you accomplish that... Add one more thing weekly.

 

Take care of yourself first and then focus on helping someone else. Even if that means sending $1 to someone's gofundme or calling a sick relative or give a homeless person a meal or positing an encouraging word to someone online. That act of re focus will help greatly in showing you how small the world of problems is and how big your heart (even when broken) can be.

 

Sending you hugs and love.

 

P. S. I know what it's like to hurt so bad inside you don't want to leave the house or bed. It's is not fun. Just keep trying little things over time...they add up. I promise. 😊

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Thanks Dominique I agree it is so hard getting myself to do say one thing and most of the stuff on my list evaporates but I guess I need to remember at least stuff is still getting done regardless of how slowly :) & thanks wise man I think pace yourself is ideal I just want to get better 🙈

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I am still going thru depression over my ex breakup the first month I didn't even work or eat.

 

But what helped is counseling and take friends with u for support for things like getting your eyebrows done and nails done or going to the gym it helps have them give me that push even when I don't want to do it .

 

Also everyday will be different i guess and some hours will feel ok and others u will want to go hide and cry but I been told it is normal and it will take time . So give yourself time.

 

My therapist said focus on one thing at a time.

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Make sure you leave the ex in the past and keep focusing on you.

 

You'll feel very accomplished with what you can do on your own, and for yourself. You need not rely on anyone .

Keep short lists and goals, so as not to overwhelm yourself. Trying to do too much too soon is stressful.

 

I'm in the IDGAF category lol. It's a good place to be. Life is short. Make you happy :)

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Thanks sweetgirl I bought a happy journal where I write everyday things that have made me 🙃.... I want to be in the IDGAF category. Hopefully I'm making some progress now 👍🏼

 

 

That's a good idea! I hope it fills up quickly!

Journaling is a great way to express feelings and see what you've accomplished. I write a lot.

 

The IDGAF category is good because there's only so much you can take before you realize no one, and I mean no one,

is worth the pain you feel. I'm mad at my ex again today, I mean honestly I can avoid all this by ignoring. I never contact,ever. Today I did, no reply lol. The IDGAF is so strong so that's the end now. It's not like I'm hurting for guys, I really need to pick one though. I'm so ready to be with someone I just am being a bit lazy with it lol because I want intense attraction but it's a waste of time. But like you, I focus on me, myself, and I (and my daughter). Because being happy is truly what attracts a great partner.

 

Be proud of yourself! You have the right attitude :)

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"I did, no reply lol. The IDGAF is so strong so that's the end now"

 

Same thing happened to me except he got a reaction from me with me addressing his stressful behavior as I had felt he thought I was a doormat still no reply and that was it from me. It has been hard because I constantly blamed myself for starting small arguments but what I see now and then is they were just disagreements of view which he "called arguments". The route cause to some of my "disagreements" was either his behavior or a resentment for his behavior which he didn't really address.

 

Unfortunately when "his friends" stole some intimate belongings I could no longer find an excuse for his behavior and it still boggles my mind now as to how he could just give me a solution (friends buy them back) without checking my opinion on it.

 

The way I see it if he was sorry he would have admitted his behavior, asked me how I feel about it rather than saying he should be more upset than me and thought of a solution together.

 

All I know now is I cannot control anyones behavior and they cannot control my reactions to their behavior if this is bad + bad then the result will be bad. I am at fault for coming across naggy for his behavior but he made it like a maze to sit down and have a conversation with him and I am not being funny once someone has done something it is done what can you do.

 

I guess I will really reach the IDGAF stage when I stop trying to justify his bad behavior (As there is no justification for this) and just accept that he was not very nice to me and therefore doesn't deserve to be in my life.

 

It is so very hard and everyday I try to tell myself just keep going but it really affects me the lack of acknowledgement and the fact he didn't really take blame for what happened.

 

It shows in his mind he doesn't know why I am upset and that bothers me more than anything.

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It's not like I'm hurting for guys, I really need to pick one though. I'm so ready to be with someone I just am being a bit lazy with it lol because I want intense attraction but it's a waste of time.

 

Sweetest! Pick me! Pick me! ;)

 

Sorry for the hi-jack Grinch.

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Grinch,

 

All good advice from these folks as everyone here is going through the same motions and emotions as you. Lofty goals are doomed to fail, so start out slow. Taking care of yourself should be the easy part. Eat right, exercise, concentrate on the moment whether it's work or school or what have you. Here it comes...

 

Strict no contact is the best remedy for your situation. It is the only way to start to truly heal and focus on yourself.

 

Mitch

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Grinch, what helped me was writing down a daily and weekly "to do" list. My lists looked something like this:

 

Monday - Gym, call Annie, clean out closet, affirmations.

Tuesday - Send card to Lisa, mani/pedi, walk 3 miles, affirmations (did these every night).

Etc...

 

Weekly - Meet three new people, do something meaningful for someone else, select a new book to read and finish, go out with a friend for dinner or drinks/have her in for girl's night.

Etc...

 

Breaking it up into easy to accomplish daily and weekly goals seemed to help me. If I got them all done, I rewarded myself - usually involving new shoes or clothing, even if it was inexpensive. But I didn't stop there. I made long term goals, too, like learning to play the cello, redecorating the entire house, and planning road trips with my adult son to see some pretty great concerts.

 

Hope this helps in some small way.

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Sweetest! Pick me! Pick me! ;)

 

Sorry for the hi-jack Grinch.

 

Lol silly! You know I think you're a hottie!!! And the age I like. And a child the same age as mine.

Hey we can be like the movie Blended! Lmao :)

If only you were closer to me!

We can meet in the middle! Not sure where they is, haha, but you need to pick up Lambert on the way!!

Omg we'd have the best time. We can tear up NYC !!

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