Rozhni Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 We’ve been together for a few months and even though this isn’t an argument, I feel like she is suppressing her emotions and feelings. This was over spirituality. I was feeling bothered a bit and started overthinking about her constantly talking with her shaman. She constantly has been talking to me about all these spiritual concepts and such that her shaman has brought up to her. I felt like he had a huge influence on her and so I asked her if she questions him.. She told me she definitely does and that she thinks for herself so I was like okay, and let it go.. I was just worried she was being brainwashed and listening to a man as if he was all knowing. About an hour later she told me that she’ll stop talking to me about all of that and will only tell me things if I ask.. I could sense that she was upset and I really find what she tells me interesting but I just need more clarity in it and was just making sure she’s thinking for herself and not just believing everything she hears from him. She didn’t respond to my messages so I asked what was wrong and she told me “I need a little to relax sorry.” I told her that I feel like she’s always “taking time to relax” that way when she feels ready, she comes to me like everything is okay. I told her that I feel like she is bottling things in right now and it’s so unhealthy because I did the same. I also told her that I cared about her and just don’t want her to hide anything from me just the way she doesn’t want me to be secretive. I want her to be able to talk to me while she’s upset or when something is bothering her. She hasn’t responded so I’m here wondering what I should do. What is the best thing to do in this situation? Did I make the right moves? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 You can't control how she thinks or how she chooses to deal with conflicts. It's interesting that you are worried she will allow this shaman to influence her thinking but you're trying to do the exact same thing. You need to think about whether you really want her to think for herself or if you want her to think and behave the way YOU think she should. Link to comment
Rozhni Posted March 23, 2018 Author Share Posted March 23, 2018 No I’m just wondering because shamans are known to be pretty influencing and I just wanted to see where she was at. Link to comment
yatsue Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 I wouldn't press this as an issue. Everyone needs time to theirself and it shouldn't be perceived as a bad thing. Cool your heels and don't be so critical. If she wants to talk, then she will. If not, then leave her be. You are being too full on at the moment and no one really likes that. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 She's backing off of the discussion and wants you to do the same. I'd do that. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 bout an hour later she told me that she’ll stop talking to me about all of that and will only tell me things if I ask.. I could sense that she was upset and I really find what she tells me interesting but I just need more clarity in it and was just making sure she’s thinking for herself and not just believing everything she hears from him. I'd back off about it for a little bit --- but at the same token, I'd be concerned if you asked her one question (simply asking if she questions him) and then she blocks you out. to me, by not answering your messages about other things -- instead of saying "yes, i question him a lot. not to worry" and leaving it at that makes me wonder if her shaman is the type that encourages her to cut off "doubters." most "shamans" - i mean -- to say you won't talk about something like she did is odd. i have heard of are some dude or lady who took a new agey workshop and decide they are a shaman. At any rate, i would leave it alone for a little while but if it continues and she is closing herself off in general to you versus you seeing her life and attitude improve because of all this spiritualness, then i wonder if this is a match Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 I would give her the space she wants right now, and drop the conversation for a little while. Use the time to consider your own reservations about her. You are already worried, a few months in, about her ability and willingness to think independently. You are already upset as well at her style of communicating when things aren't perfectly smooth. The relationship is young and it's still in accessing if you are a match for something more long term. Resist the urge to attempt to change her and just watch and let things play out naturally. What I might do if things go well following this is after a time, when all is calm, ask her if she will share what you said or did which upset or offended her, so that you can avoid doing it again. If she doesn't want to share, that's valuable information for you. And if she does share, that's valuable too. You can decide how to proceed from there. Just as an aside, do you think someone who is a blind believer is going to be able to answer the question of if they are ? Generally those who believe blindly genuinely believe they have come to their beliefs by their own choosing and reasoning . Implying to someone that they are not thinking for themselves usually does get met with defensiveness and possibly offense. You are going to have to make your own mind up about how you perceive this woman's beliefs. I get the impression you think at least some of it is bologna ? I could be wrong . Link to comment
Shania1234 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 from a woman's perspective, I do this with my boyfriend who I live with. The difference is that he is very judgemental towards the way I think. He kind of is a major negative person and tries to shut me down or on me. I've learned to not open up myself to him because he's more destructive rather than constructive. it's the way he carries himself and the attitude he gives as well as the way he speaks towards me. It makes me want to protect myself from someone who is trying to emotionally harm me. I've suffered from depression for the longest time since high school and being around someone so negative and not very helpful or empathetic towards my mental health does not help. Try to be a bit mindful of how you orchestrate your thoughts to her so that it isn't demeaning Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Why are you psychoanalyzing her this much? Just date and stop trying to get in her head and fix her. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 OP, you need to stop over-thinking everything. Your previous threads and this one indicate that you have a hard time relaxing and not over-analyzing your and her every move. Chill before she steps out of this. Link to comment
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