Getting over a coworker

[Reflections11]

Hey ENA, i haven't been here in a while, but I need some (non judgmental) advice please! Lately I've found myself.... quite infatuated with a coworker. He's married and he has never demonstrated a clear interest in me, though we do get along well as friends. And even if he did show interest, rationally i have no interest in actually pursuing this... coworker AND in a relationship, double NO! But i have no idea how to get over this crush. I find the more i try to get over it, the deeper i seem to dig myself in. Normally I would just avoid the person for a while until my brain reset. But I work with him very closely almost every day and so i can't seem to snap out of this. And honestly this is the first real crush i've had in years, something I never thought I was even capable of feeling again. And it's cool to know this feeling is still possible, i don't want to waste energy on the wrong person.

 

Any advice? I don't need judging replies about how i shouldn't be going after a married coworker, i already know that and im not going after him, i'm trying to get over this whole thing. No i can't switch departments or anything. The only thing i can think of is to try and limit my interactions with him and back off the friendship but it's still pretty hard, and i still have to work with him a lot. Maybe i need to really amplify my social life outside of work and keep meeting better matches so that i forget about this?

 

I have no idea. Help please!

[Andrina]

Chemistry is nothing you can help, but you do have control over your behavior. When you say "friendship," then yes, if you're doing things with him that you don't do with any other co-worker, like going to lunch together, and discussing non-business things in depth, and texting after work, then you can stop those things.

 

Sounds like you've been single for years and are ready for a bf. Try new activities like meet ups.com or joining a sports team, or dance lessons, or book discussion groups. There are so many activities going on in most cities unless you live in a podunk town. Look on the Internet or your local newspaper for activities in your area, and you'll probably find some things you didn't even know existed. Good luck.

[melancholy123]

I had a crush on someone and know what it feels like when it's the wrong person to be crushing on. i think expanding your social circle and maybe joining a group or club that interests you could be of help.

[Reflections11]

Yea i think im just meant to be single for the long haul. I guess i could back off the texts and personal conversations and just focus on work. The attraction is overwhelming though at times. I do have some clubs and actually keep pretty busy, but maybe you are both right - i could probably step it up a few notches and try to get even more involved in the world around me for a while. It is Spring after all. Maybe this will help? It sounds a litlte exhausting LOL!

[boltnrun]

It takes the same amount of effort you're putting into texting and personal conversations with that man.