I don’t know what to do

[forlofeluv]

My boyfriend and I have been together (this time) 2 years. We were together 7 years then split. I have caught him cheating before and i think he may have a problem. We’ve been on bad times lately, arguing and fighting. He seems to have some sort of anger toward me. I’ve been asking him is this relationship what he really wants. He says “I just don’t want to keep hurting you. I just can’t seem to get right.” Then he’ll say he doesn’t know if he wants this, then he’ll say i want to be with you. I think I’m suspicious that it may be someone else or idk. I don’t know what to do. I ask him for clarity and he avoids questions saying he doesn’t want to talk about it right now. I just don’t know if i should keep trying or give up. HELP

[DanZee]

I would say to give up on this guy. When you're constantly arguing in a relationship, there are problems going on. A lot of the time it's about control, one person trying to make the other person do something that they don't want to do. Guys get angry and frustrated when things don't go the way they want, and many times, guys want a mother who will baby them and serve them like a slave instead of a partner. If you think about what the fights are about, you can probably figure out what is going on. It sounds like he's being emotionally abusive to you. I know you have a long history together, but you don't have to settle for a lousy relationship.

[forlofeluv]

I would say to give up on this guy. When you're constantly arguing in a relationship, there are problems going on. A lot of the time it's about control, one person trying to make the other person do something that they don't want to do. Guys get angry and frustrated when things don't go the way they want, and many times, guys want a mother who will baby them and serve them like a slave instead of a partner. If you think about what the fights are about, you can probably figure out what is going on. It sounds like he's being emotionally abusive to you. I know you have a long history together, but you don't have to settle for a lousy relationship.

 

It’s tough. Before we got back together i told him my expectations up front. I mean it’s tough. I’ve cried these last few days because we live together and have a kid and i just feel like he’s pushing me away. It’s hurting me. I am hurting so bad right now.

[ThatwasThen]

Don't you think you and your child would be a lot happier without him as your boyfriend? He's actually shown you that he is one lousy "life" partner so don't let your codependency keep you mired in unhappiness.

 

See a lawyer about your rights and obligations. You'll feel stronger when you know what route to take to get yourself out of there and protect your child from the drama. How old is your 'kid.'

[RainyCoast]

What would it take to turn you off of this?

 

He's perpetually "unsure" if he wants you, but not

stalled by doubt when hoeing around. You've seen what you needed to see from him.

 

Your child is learning what to expect, and settle for.

[forlofeluv]

Don't you think you and your child would be a lot happier without him as your boyfriend? He's actually shown you that he is one lousy "life" partner so don't let your codependency keep you mired in unhappiness.

 

See a lawyer about your rights and obligations. You'll feel stronger when you know what route to take to get yourself out of there and protect your child from the drama. How old is your 'kid.'

 

She’s 6 years old. And it’s a tough situation. It’s like I’m so caught up in wanting to help him change that i just keep settling for bs.

[Hollyj]

Don't you think you and your child would be a lot happier without him as your boyfriend? He's actually shown you that he is one lousy "life" partner so don't let your codependency keep you mired in unhappiness.

 

See a lawyer about your rights and obligations. You'll feel stronger when you know what route to take to get yourself out of there and protect your child from the drama. How old is your 'kid.'

 

I agree!!!!!!!!!

[Hollyj]

She’s 6 years old. And it’s a tough situation. It’s like I’m so caught up in wanting to help him change that i just keep settling for bs.

 

You should never be with someone with the expectation they will change. Either you accept his crap behavior, or you move on. You are not doing your child any favors by exposing her to this.

[forlofeluv]

You should never be with someone with the expectation they will change. Either you accept his crap behavior, or you move on. You are not doing your child any favors by exposing her to this.

 

It’s tougher because i think I’m part to blame. He says i always make him feel like everything he does hurts me. And it makes me feel convicted like i must be always complaining.

[Hollyj]

Did you force him to cheat, or be angry? His statement is manipulative and common for emotional abuse.

 

This is not working. I too, agree that you should address your co dependence.

 

Get away from this guy.

[DanZee]

It’s tougher because i think I’m part to blame. He says i always make him feel like everything he does hurts me. And it makes me feel convicted like i must be always complaining.

 

Don't fall for this. Guys always blame everyone else except themselves.

[MissCanuck]

Your relationship has been dead a long time, OP.

 

This isn't love. It's now emotional dependence (on your part) and it's extraordinarily unhealthy both for you and your little one. Model more self-respect for your child, and get away from this man. He doesn't care about you.

[forlofeluv]

Your relationship has been dead a long time, OP.

 

This isn't love. It's now emotional dependence (on your part) and it's extraordinarily unhealthy both for you and your little one. Model more self-respect for your child, and get away from this man. He doesn't care about you.

 

But HOW do i let go??

[Hollyj]

You end it, then block and delete. You have nothing to let go of.

 

Seek a therapist.

[Hollyj]

I forgot you have a child. You will have to work something out regarding visitation for the courts.

 

Do you work? There are many agencies that help you with all of this.

[catfeeder]

She’s 6 years old. And it’s a tough situation. It’s like I’m so caught up in wanting to help him change that i just keep settling for bs.

 

You never get any wasted time back to live over again.

[ThatwasThen]

But HOW do i let go??

 

Do you have family you can go to when you leave him until you get on your feet?

See a lawyer and find out your rights and obligations. Most will give you around 40 mins free consultation.

Start looking for accommodation you can afford if you have no family that will help you out immediately. Do you work?

 

When you split after the 7 years together, where did you go then? How long were you split before you got back with him?

[forlofeluv]

Do you have family you can go to when you leave him until you get on your feet?

See a lawyer and find out your rights and obligations. Most will give you around 40 mins free consultation.

Start looking for accommodation you can afford if you have no family that will help you out immediately. Do you work?

 

When you split after the 7 years together, where did you go then? How long were you split before you got back with him?

 

I work full time for an employer and for myself. I mean, we have a house together and there is not a family member i can think of to go live with. We split for about 2 years, but we were living separately at the time. When we got back together we got a house together.

[MissCanuck]

You need to see a lawyer, OP.

 

You have to find out what your rights and obligations are as far as the house goes, and then start working towards a custody agreement. Your relationship is never going to get better, so you have to pull yourself up by the boot-straps and get back in charge of your life and emotional well-being.