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Should I Stay With My Girlfriend?


Collegekid326
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So my girlfriend and I have been dating for two years now and I love her with everything I’ve got. She’s my first real relationship but I’ve been with other girls before and whenever we go out and she sees one of them, she loses it and gets extremely upset and wants to go home which makes me not have a good time either even though there’s nothing I can do about it. This has been happening throughout the relationship and I’ve told her it shouldn’t matter and it’s not healthy because I love her and only her but she still gets super upset. She also doesn’t let me go to certain buddies houses if they have girls over or even if they have sisters around my age because it “bothers” her. I’ve let it go and just haven’t hungout at their houses for two years but I’m honestly getting fed up with it and I tried telling her that I want her to try and be okay with it because I’m not happy but she just cried during the whole conversation because I was telling her things that are “wrong with her.” Even using social media like Instagram or Snapchat talking to friends that are girls throws her overboard or just following their pages does too. Another thing is, that I’ve given her all of my free time for the length of the relationship and she doesn’t understand alone time when I need it, and she gets upset when I don’t want to hangout or when I’d rather be alone or with other people but she’s okay with not seeing her friends for long periods of time and doesn’t think it’s a big deal but when I’m with my friends I have an awesome time with them and make a lot of good memories.

 

Lately I’ve been thinking about our relationship and I just don’t know what to do. I want her to try and change for the better so we can be together otherwise I might end things because I’m not happy. It would be awesome to hear some other people’s opinions. Thank you.

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I would end it. She knows you are unhappy but seems unwilling to compromise.

 

She is too insecure and you're too young to be tethered to this type of controlling relationship. It will hurt her, yes, but she will heal. She has to understand that she cannot put a guy on a leash and expect him to want to concede to her demands.

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You already had numerous conversations with her and she hasn't changed her clingy, over-the-top jealous behavior. She must have good qualities because you are trying to salvage this. Unfortunately, her behavior should be a dealbreaker, and if a person has to change in a major way for you to be happy, she is not the right person for you.

 

Unless you can afford couples counseling, and you sound young so I doubt this is doable, then I suggest ending it now. You can give her one final ultimatum, telling her that emotionally healthy couples have alone time, time with friends without their partner, and should trust you to be faithful in any situation. Tell her if she can't handle that sort of normal relationship, then you're not continuing on with her.

 

Breakups are always upsetting, but when your brain and heart don't match, it's the right thing to do. Take care.

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Ask yourself what benefits you get from being in this controlling situation -does it feel like she just loves you so much? Does it feel safe or give you an excuse sometimes to say "sorry I can't meet up -my girlfriend wouldn't like it" -it's good to know why you choose to stay other than "because I love her".

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Sorry this is happening. She's a sounds a like the jealous type. However it's never wise to kiss and tell so she doesn't need to hear about all your conquests. Lesson for the future. The other thing is you can't change anyone no less tell them everything that's wrong with them. It sounds like you are tiring of her and this clinging and jealousy. It seems to have run it's course but the good thing is you learn from each relationship and your mistakes with this one as well.

I’ve been with other girls before and whenever we go out and she sees one of them she just cried during the whole conversation because I was telling her things that are “wrong with her.” I want her to try and change for the better so we can be together otherwise I might end things because I’m not happy.
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I’m just afraid to end things. She loves me more than anything in the world and I love her just as much but I think I would be happier if I was able to do the things I wanted to do. Ive noticed lately I have lost some motivation in our relationship and get worn out and tired so maybe that is telling me something? I know other girls that have told me that it’s not healthy what she’s doing but I’m not sure if they mean it or if they’re just trying to hook up with me after the fact.. lol.

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I’m just afraid to end things. She loves me more than anything in the world and I love her just as much but I think I would be happier if I was able to do the things I wanted to do. Ive noticed lately I have lost some motivation in our relationship and get worn out and tired so maybe that is telling me something? I know other girls that have told me that it’s not healthy what she’s doing but I’m not sure if they mean it or if they’re just trying to hook up with me after the fact.. lol.

 

OP, I say this a woman who you will never meet and has no interest in hooking up with you:

 

Your relationship is very unhealthy. Your girlfriend's behaviour is destructive. Stay at the expense of your own happiness.

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I’m just afraid to end things. She loves me more than anything in the world and I love her just as much but I think I would be happier if I was able to do the things I wanted to do. Ive noticed lately I have lost some motivation in our relationship and get worn out and tired so maybe that is telling me something? I know other girls that have told me that it’s not healthy what she’s doing but I’m not sure if they mean it or if they’re just trying to hook up with me after the fact.. lol.
Well, this isn't going to get any better. Ever. This will never...get...better. I'm repeating myself because it's important that you understand this concept. As long as you are with this woman this is how your life is going to be and this is what you are going to have to put up with.

 

I was in a very similar situation to yours several years ago with a controlling, smothering, clingy woman. I don't think we had a single evening out that she didn't end up ruining with her pettiness. However, as nasty as she could be to me I really did care about and love her. I still do really care about her and want her to be well. I saw the pain that lay beneath her actions. But she was impossible to live with. She was impossible to have a relationship with. When I finally ended things I felt bad about it and even missed her, but I never once regretted it or felt as if I'd made a mistake. Life is absolute hell with a controlling, smothering, clingy partner.

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Another relationship mistake. Complaining to women you want to hook up with about your gf. Listen she treats you like crap, but you are flaunting your conquests, telling your gf everything that's wrong with her, etc. You are both toxic to each other. You can get rid of her, but you also need to get rid of immature undermining behaviors in yourself if you want the next situation to go any better..

I know other girls that have told me that it’s not healthy what she’s doing but I’m not sure if they mean it or if they’re just trying to hook up with me
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Wiseman, I have never been one to go telling people about my relationship problems or girlfriend problems. I was with my buddies and his sister asked me how things were going and I was honest because I wanted advice or answers I didn't want to get with her. This is hard because I haven't known being without her for years and a lot of my friends are moving to college this coming fall and I planned on staying back at the community college to save money before I go to a four year. With that being said, if I do break up with her, I don't know if I will have anybody else here, I certainly don't want to befriend the younger immature friends my brother associates himself with.

I tried telling her what has recently been making me unhappy and I viewed them as small things, but she says she doesn't think she can do it. I'm honestly heart broken because I am afraid of being alone and don't want to leave her because I love her so much. I'm not as afraid about making new friends, I've always been alright at that. It just makes me cry to think that we won't be together.

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