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My ex texted me 9 months post-breakup


Disenchanted
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LOL, she got that question from one of the many articles on the Internet on "how to win your ex back through text."

 

I'm not kidding I read it myself!

 

It said one way is to "text your ex asking him if he minds if you ask him something."

 

She didn't even switch up the words! She used virtually the same words in the article.

 

OP, there is NO question she needs to ask you.

 

It's a game, a strategy she used to get you to do exactly what you're doing now. Thinking about about her, going crazy wondering what the hell she wants to ask you!

 

I gotta say when the I read the advice I contemplated using it myself.

 

Decided not to.

 

Interesting to watch the advice in practice though, and how it's apparently working!

 

Do you want to get back with her?

 

Apparently she does.

Can you link us to that, Katrina? I'd like to read rubbish while drinking my morning coffee :D

 

Op: I think like 20 posts ago it was advised that you ask H.E.R. what her game is. We don't know what her motives are and all this speculation isn't helping you to move on if she in fact, doesn't want you back and is just acting immature and gets a kick out of screwing with your head.

 

Be careful what you wish for. She broke up with you once already. I'd like to know why she broke up with as well.

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I don't like the games either but she hurt me badly and I just want to show that I'm strong. I know, I know, I'm not strong since I'm letting this get to me.

 

It's funny though because that day, I woke up feeling like if I never heard from her again, I would be ok. That I don't need to hear from her again. It was a huge step in healing. Then this happened later on that day...

 

She broke up with me months ago because she thought she was better than me. We were together for 3 years. I was pretty much a bum for the first 2 years of our relationship (I still paid for 90% of things though) and started getting myself together in the last year we were together. I had gone back to school and got a nice job, etc. But she said it was "too late". She also had a big problem of me being a meat-eater and she's vegetarian. Since the breakup, I continued school, got a better job, got a lot of new friends, picked up a new hobby, etc.

 

Before this question arises, I just want to clear this up: There was NO cheating that happened. Also, there is NO way for her to know my progress. She's not in any contact with people I know and I don't have her in any of my social media which are also private accounts.

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I don't like the games either but she hurt me badly and I just want to show that I'm strong. I know, I know, I'm not strong since I'm letting this get to me.

 

It's funny though because that day, I woke up feeling like if I never heard from her again, I would be ok. That I don't need to hear from her again. It was a huge step in healing. Then this happened later on that day...

 

She broke up with me months ago because she thought she was better than me. We were together for 3 years. I was pretty much a bum for the first 2 years of our relationship (I still paid for 90% of things though) and started getting myself together in the last year we were together. I had gone back to school and got a nice job, etc. But she said it was "too late". She also had a big problem of me being a meat-eater and she's vegetarian. Since the breakup, I continued school, got a better job, got a lot of new friends, picked up a new hobby, etc.

 

Before this question arises, I just want to clear this up: There was NO cheating that happened. Also, there is NO way for her to know my progress. She's not in any contact with people I know and I don't have her in any of my social media which are also private accounts.

 

Omg then forget her! You keep the positive changes you've made, keep improving, and get yourself to a good place in life. Without her. Because chances are high even if she's trying to gain your attention by using some "get your ex back" text, she'd dump you again anyway if she felt you didn't change enough. Give someone new a chance.

 

And you know just when you feel you're in a good place without them, they make contact. Pop them like a zit and

be done. Buh-bye. Only ones who seem to really have a good chance to reconcile are those where distance was an issue that caused in ending the relationship. Otherwise, you're just really getting a little more time with them here and there until they disappear again. Not worth it.

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Omg then forget her! You keep the positive changes you've made, keep improving, and get yourself to a good place in life. Without her. Because chances are high even if she's trying to gain your attention by using some "get your ex back" text, she'd dump you again anyway if she felt you didn't change enough. Give someone new a chance.

 

And you know just when you feel you're in a good place without them, they make contact. Pop them like a zit and

be done. Buh-bye. Only ones who seem to really have a good chance to reconcile are those where distance was an issue that caused in ending the relationship. Otherwise, you're just really getting a little more time with them here and there until they disappear again. Not worth it.

 

Thank you! I just keep thinking "why do people have to hurt others like that?"

 

Haha, if only it were that easy to "give someone new a chance". It's pretty hard to find a connection.

 

You're right though.

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Thank you! I just keep thinking "why do people have to hurt others like that?"

 

Haha, if only it were that easy to "give someone new a chance". It's pretty hard to find a connection.

 

You're right though.

 

Ha! Who you telling that to?? I find it really hard to connect. I thought you guys had it easy in that way as you see a pretty face and a nice body and you're in (you know, sex lol) but ya when you want more, it's hard to find the right person.

 

I'm not sure she wants to hurt you but it is a game so just remove your playing piece and find a new game :)

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I don't like the games either but she hurt me badly and I just want to show that I'm strong. I know, I know, I'm not strong since I'm letting this get to me.

 

It's funny though because that day, I woke up feeling like if I never heard from her again, I would be ok. That I don't need to hear from her again. It was a huge step in healing. Then this happened later on that day...

 

She broke up with me months ago because she thought she was better than me. We were together for 3 years. I was pretty much a bum for the first 2 years of our relationship (I still paid for 90% of things though) and started getting myself together in the last year we were together. I had gone back to school and got a nice job, etc. But she said it was "too late". She also had a big problem of me being a meat-eater and she's vegetarian. Since the breakup, I continued school, got a better job, got a lot of new friends, picked up a new hobby, etc.

 

Before this question arises, I just want to clear this up: There was NO cheating that happened. Also, there is NO way for her to know my progress. She's not in any contact with people I know and I don't have her in any of my social media which are also private accounts.

Why do you want to be with someone that thought she was "too good for you?" Anyway, not my business. If you want her so bad then text her "do you still want to meet for that coffee" and see what she has to say. I hope that once you're in her company you'll have realized that YOU are better then her and you'll finally block and delete her. Who knows though, you may just get your wish and if you don't, at least then you can stop OCD thinking on her and get on with you're life without her in it (or in your head).

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Ha! Who you telling that to?? I find it really hard to connect. I thought you guys had it easy in that way as you see a pretty face and a nice body and you're in (you know, sex lol) but ya when you want more, it's hard to find the right person.

 

I'm not sure she wants to hurt you but it is a game so just remove your playing piece and find a new game :)

 

I should probably say...I'm a girl and my ex is also a girl lol

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Why do you want to be with someone that thought she was "too good for you?" Anyway, not my business. If you want her so bad then text her "do you still want to meet for that coffee" and see what she has to say. I hope that once you're in her company you'll have realized that YOU are better then her and you'll finally block and delete her. Who knows though, you may just get your wish and if you don't, at least then you can stop OCD thinking on her and get on with you're life without her in it (or in your head).

 

My approach was to just get on with my life not having to hear from her anymore. She totally messed that up.

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I should probably say...I'm a girl and my ex is also a girl lol

 

Lol! I'm sorry! In that case, ya, it's more than just physical beauty that we need to be attracted.

I'm only into guys, but I will say that I've seen some really attractive women that are not so attractive when

you get to know them :)

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I just dropped Hey, hope you're doing well. I know it's been a while since we last talked, but do you mind if I ask you something into a google search.

 

The results are ... interesting.

 

Let's just say (site rules) that this is a suggested opening text on certain advice website/s that is supposed to arouse curiosity, and have you sitting with your phone waiting for the next one.

 

If your ex is following the instructions, there was probably no question of importance, its just an opening gambit to get in your headspace.

 

She succeeded.

 

Do the google search yourself. If you are not interested Jason Bourne her.

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  • 2 weeks later...

^^^I tried researching it. Got to the 3rd page and still got nothing about a site you're talking about.

 

UPDATE

She texted again.

 

Her: Can I ask you something? You don't have to answer it, I'll completely understand if you don't want to. I'm not trying to bring up old stuff, I'm just asking because of something going on in my friend's life. Btw, I hope all is going well :)

Me: Sure, what's up?

Her: Again, I just want to emphasize that I'll totally understand if you don't want to answer this, especially if it is hurtful for you to answer it. I'm really not trying to dig up old dirt or anything. I'm just trying to understand what's going on with a friend I'm really worried about.

Did you ever feel in any way that our relationship was unhealthy or manipulative?

 

 

If our relationship was healthy, why the heck did we break up in the first place? What is going on with this girl?

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DID you ever feel that your relationship with her was "unealthy or "manipulative?" (other then these texts of hers which are both).

 

That would be a good reply if you're not going to ignore her. You could say: Not until I received that text, I didn't.

 

Could you explain why the texts were unhealthy and manipulative themselves? Sorry to ask, but my mind is just so clouded right now with this. I don't seem to know why those texts would be labelled as such.

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This is a person reaching out to the person they hurt asking them to relieve their own guilt. She wants you to say she is not manipulative and the relationship was not unhealthy so she doesn't have to feel bad. Then she'll peace out again.

 

Yeah, that's manipulative because she doesn't care how contacting you affects you as long as she gets her guilt relieved.

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This is a person reaching out to the person they hurt asking them to relieve their own guilt. She wants you to say she is not manipulative and the relationship was not unhealthy so she doesn't have to feel bad. Then she'll peace out again.

 

Yeah, that's manipulative because she doesn't care how contacting you affects you as long as she gets her guilt relieved.

 

1. Do you think it's the same question she wanted to ask weeks ago (my original post of this thread)?

 

2. So I'm guessing you think there's no "friend" she's asking for?

 

3. Funny you said she'll peace out again. I responded with "Not manipulative, but I know you felt it was unhealthy. I think there were unhealthy aspects." She hasn't responded in hourssss.

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Could you explain why the texts were unhealthy and manipulative themselves? Sorry to ask, but my mind is just so clouded right now with this. I don't seem to know why those texts would be labelled as such.

Most people just say "Hey, I wanted to ask you if you ever felt our relationship was unhealthy or manipulative" Then they would leave it and see if you cared to answer.

 

She sends you some dribble that will mess with your head. She's manipulating your emotional health and she's renting space in your brain now to the point that you have to start a thread about it.

 

I suggest you block and delete her so that she can't keep manipulating herself into your life. If she can't reach you then she can't manipulate your thoughts the way she is.

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1. No idea.

2. Again, no idea.

3. par for the course. She got what she wanted from you so it's Goodbye Disenchanted.

4. How about blocking her? That way, next time she tries to text you for her own selfish reasons she won't be able to get through and you won't be sent into a tailspin of "what did she MEAN??? Does she want me back???"

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Disenchanted, here's the correct answer to her question: Of course it was unhealthy. If it weren't, you wouldn't have ended things and we'd still be together. But tell me more about your friend. How is his or her relationship unhealthy? I'm curious.

 

Then, let her answer. Don't let the conversation go back to the old relationship. Be cordial, friendly, but...unaffected.

 

End the conversation first ("hey, I've got to run, but it's been great talking with you") to leave her wanting more.

 

Then wait.

 

That's my advice.

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Disenchanted, here's the correct answer to her question: Of course it was unhealthy. If it weren't, you wouldn't have ended things and we'd still be together. But tell me more about your friend. How is his or her relationship unhealthy? I'm curious.

 

Then, let her answer. Don't let the conversation go back to the old relationship. Be cordial, friendly, but...unaffected.

 

End the conversation first ("hey, I've got to run, but it's been great talking with you") to leave her wanting more.

 

Then wait.

 

That's my advice.

 

I was very tempted to bring up the fact that she broke up with me and therefore it was unhealthy. But my response was ""Not manipulative, but I know you felt it was unhealthy. I think there were unhealthy aspects." That was my polite attempt to throw it back to her because she should know it was unhealthy because she broke it off.

 

She still hasn't responded 8 hours later. I don't know if it's supposed to just end there. How does that question help her "friend"?

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It's time to delete and block her. You are wasting your time in this chronic post-breakup back and forth autopsy. You are perpetuating this drama rather than moving forward and dating new women.

That was my polite attempt to throw it back to her because she should know it was unhealthy because she broke it off. She still hasn't responded 8 hours later.
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It doesn't help her friend, because these is no friend lol.

She's asking about your relationship with her.

How old is she? Sounds like a high school girl playing games.

Don't reply to her unless it's something meaningful. I don't know who gives her these ideas but maybe the next time you just need to flat out ask her wth she wants and to stop bothering you if it's not important.

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UPDATE:

 

Her reply, 24 hours after what I said: Okay. Thanks for the reply. I guess I just don't really know what to tell a friend who's going through a hard time with a guy she's been with for a couple years, and I felt there were some similarities but wasn't sure what to make of everything. Anyway, I appreciate you telling me how you felt.

Me: Personally, I think that if you even have to question whether it is unhealthy, it probably is. However, I do think that most things are fixable, depending if they both want to work on it.

Her: Yeah, that's a fair point

 

Conversation done. If there really is a friend, I don't know how I helped. "Wasn't sure what to make of everything?" She should since she ended things.

 

----

 

SweetGirl28 - Why wonder about the relationship she ended 10 months ago? She's 24 btw.

 

Wiseman2 - I'm not going to deny the fact that you're absolutely right. It's just very hard for me right now to block and delete. It would be easier if she just stopped talking to me.

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Idk why , it's been a long time lol. Mines been over for eight and IDGAF why or how anymore. I just know it's done.

Maybe there really was a friend since she said she saw similarities, and wanted a male point of view from you.

But usually how that goes is we girls say "ooh that sounds just like me and (insert name here) " then we go on to compare and brew up our own little stories and analyze you all haha.

 

Maybe she was just looking for a reason to reach out, maybe she harbors a little guilt if something triggered it.

For all you you know maybe she was seeing someone and he told her she is unhealthy in relationships. Maybe a therapist

told her she chooses unhealthy relationships. Who knows. The only one who has the answer is her. But anyway, she's not trying to get together with you, so no need to really reply anymore. I know your being nice, which is fine, but I wouldn't read too much into anything because you will drive yourself insane.

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