Jump to content

Dated for 3.5 years, now FWB


liamC123
 Share

Recommended Posts

Hey, I need help decideing what to do here.....

My ex and I dated for 3.5 years and we broke up 4 months ago. Now I recently went to her family event and I ended up sleeping over. I am very close with her family. Now she want to have fwb. I want to say yes but another side of me says no. What are the pros and cons of both?

How can I make this work?

Please help, and I realize that most people say no..... I want to continue with my current lifestyle but just hookup once in a while.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why did you break up? It's like you are still dating. This isn't fwb, it's hooking up after breaking up. Don't string her along, if she wants you at family events and you use that opportunity to get laid.

My ex and I dated for 3.5 years and we broke up 4 months ago. Now I recently went to her family event and I ended up sleeping over.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can only see one pro, really: Sexual intimacy with someone you know and (presumably) trust. If you're feeling like you have other sources of emotional intimacy in your life, maybe this could work.

 

As far as cons go, the most important would be that you might be wanting or expecting more from this whole situation. You might feel (or begin to feel) that because you have some sexual intimacy that there is room for more emotional intimacy to develop. This is the reason most FWB don't work that well. One person usually ends up wanting more.

 

If you're both sincerely happy using each other for sex, and are able to set some boundaries in this way (explicit expectation that there's no desire for anything other than a sexual exchange, or whatever feels right for the two of you)...then why not? If this feels like a intermediate step to getting back together, it'll probably be a fail. Best to believe someone when she says she wants her independence. You won't be able to convince her otherwise because you're having sex with her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for your advice.

 

Where should I be drawing the line?

 

I can only see one pro, really: Sexual intimacy with someone you know and (presumably) trust. If you're feeling like you have other sources of emotional intimacy in your life, maybe this could work.

 

As far as cons go, the most important would be that you might be wanting or expecting more from this whole situation. You might feel (or begin to feel) that because you have some sexual intimacy that there is room for more emotional intimacy to develop. This is the reason most FWB don't work that well. One person usually ends up wanting more.

 

If you're both sincerely happy using each other for sex, and are able to set some boundaries in this way (explicit expectation that there's no desire for anything other than a sexual exchange, or whatever feels right for the two of you)...then why not? If this feels like a intermediate step to getting back together, it'll probably be a fail. Best to believe someone when she says she wants her independence. You won't be able to convince her otherwise because you're having sex with her.

Edited by liamC123
Didn’t quote
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

I want to continue with my current lifestyle but just hookup once in a while.

 

Well, since you don't seem all that torn up about her ending your 3.5 year relationship, and just want the occasional hookup, if SHE is cool with that arrangement, then I don't see the harm at all.

 

In fact, tbh, I had considered an FWB arrangement with my ex (whom I broke up with a week ago yesterday) but upon further reflection, I decided against it.

 

Given his reaction to the b/up, he wouldn't have gone for it anyway.

 

I created a thread about it, it's in the dating section, page 2 if you're interested; I received many helpful and insightful responses.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

FWB with an ex that broke up with you, after a 3.5 year relationship. Are you okay with her dating other men? You sleep with her on Friday night. Then your sitting home on a Saturday night and she is out on a date with another guy. How about her sleeping with other men?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

FWB with an ex that broke up with you, after a 3.5 year relationship. Are you okay with her dating other men? You sleep with her on Friday night. Then your sitting home on a Saturday night and she is out on a date with another guy. How about her sleeping with other men?

 

Yeah seriously. Maybe it's me, but something isn't jiving here.

 

Unless it was more of a mutual breakup, long time coming.

 

His attitude only 4 months post break-up of a 3.5 year relationship, a relationship that his girlfriend (now ex) ended to explore her "independence," is just too nonchalant and casual, imo.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What's your plan should she hang you with an unplanned pregnancy? Even though you're both equally responsible for the use of BC, this scenario is not unheard of.

 

Ya. Definite addition to the con list. Hadn't actually considered this one. But worthy of some serious consideration.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I suspect, if you are honest with yourself, you still have feelings for her and you would be doing yourself a disservice and preventing yourself from moving on and finding someone else if you went fwb. You can't be in two places at once and neither can your heart. You only have so much time on this earth. Use it to find someone who can give you everything you're looking for. That person lies in your future; not in your past.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

She broke up with me so she can be more “independent” and she is the one that initiated the sex

 

Are you still in love with her? If you are then I say tell her No and stop going to her family's functions, you'll never get over her and you'll shred your own heart when she introduces you to her new FWB or boyfriend.

 

She wanted to be "independent" (slang for meeting other guys no doubt) leave her to it and tell her to call you when/if she gets it out of her system. Don't wait around for her and you exercise your options too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She broke up with me so she can be more “independent” and she is the one that initiated the sex

 

Most men think FWB is awesome, I tried it once with a very honest and straight woman, but our arrangement was that if one of us met someone, we would say it and stop. If you do not do

this, she will be having sex with other dudes no question here, so other than the possible health risks if she is not cautious, can you really be detached from someone you lived with 3.5 years ?

 

It's up to you to answer this honestly, but I think we guys often feel this urge to stay intimate, we don't acknowledge our feelings and in the end FWB can be very crushing !

 

As ThatwasThen said, I think she wants to see other people, have some self respect and boundaries, find someone better for you because it's for her a way to string you along...

Edited by Last Gentleman
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...