Having second thoughts about a FWB relationship. He's married

[Openmindedgurl]

I am so done with chat rooms and anything to do with online dating. But thanks for the suggestion. P.S. he lives only 20 miles from me. So he is local . Ugh

[Openmindedgurl]

Thanks cope. I don't see how I'm the home wrecker. He was bent on finding someone to cheat on his wife with way before I came into the picture.

[Openmindedgurl]

I thought the same thing because he did ask me to come over to his house . He said there was a room downstairs and we could do something. So he has no respect for her and I guess not for me either,to even suggest such that I would say yes.

[ThatwasThen]

Thanks cope. I don't see how I'm the home wrecker. He was bent on finding someone to cheat on his wife with way before I came into the picture.

Then let me enlighten you. If you and women like yourself wouldn't accommodate these kinds of men, they wouldn't be able to cheat. You are an enabler of a cheater. That makes you, as well as him a home wrecker. You a far from innocent.

[Capricorn3]

Then let me enlighten you. If you and women like yourself wouldn't accommodate these kinds of men, they wouldn't be able to cheat. You are an enabler of a cheater. That makes you, as well as him a home wrecker. You a far from innocent.

 

^ This.

 

OP, I don't understand what the issue is here. He is MARRIED. That's all you need to know. That's your cue to head in the opposite direction. That's your cue to quit communicating with him in every way. Just STOP! Yes, it really IS that simple.

[Openmindedgurl]

I am so not that kind of woman. I've never had a affair with a married guy ever.

 

But I do know what it's like to be in a unhappy marriage and feeling trapped. I never cheated just got a divorce. Maybe if she would give him what he needs sexually he wouldn't feel the need to look else where to feel satisfied or vice versa.

 

Seems like to me that you are saying that the one partner should just suck it up and stay miserable and unfulfilled in the marriage.

 

Having said that I wouldn't want to be cheated on either. But I wouldn't want to be in a marriage knowing that they were not happy with me anymore. I'm not trying to justify anything cheating is wrong I get it

[ThatwasThen]

I am so not that kind of woman. I've never had a affair with a married guy ever.

Then why don't you just keep up your record and give this guy no further reason to contact you by blocking him and threatening a restraining order if he doesn't cut out his crappola?

 

But I do know what it's like to be in a unhappy marriage and feeling trapped. I never cheated just got a divorce.

Tell him that when you give him the boot.

 

Maybe if she would give him what he needs sexually he wouldn't feel the need to look else where to feel satisfied or vice versa.

That's none of your business and for all you know,she's doing him every five minutes but he's just a sex addict.

 

Seems like to me that you are saying that the one partner should just suck it up and stay miserable and unfulfilled in the marriage.

No.. they should do what you say you did and leave if they aren't happy.

 

Having said that I wouldn't want to be cheated on either. But I wouldn't want to be in a marriage knowing that they were not happy with me anymore. I'm not trying to justify anything cheating is wrong I get it

Then make it clear to this sorry excuse for a good man and move on.

[itsallgrand]

Even if you were ok with sleeping with married men, this guy sounds unhinged on top of that .

And you know what they say about sleeping with crazy.

Hes a big red stop light. I hope you won't proceed.

[boltnrun]

I can't believe that there's still people out there who still fall for these tired old married cheater lies!

 

"My wife doesn't understand me, we don't have sex, I 'can't' divorce her yet because of the kids/she's 'unstable'/it would ruin me financially"...seriously? Those are so old and tired that I thought everyone knew by now they are lies married men tell so they can get some booty on the side.

 

If you want sex that badly, why can't you find an unmarried man to hook up with? And if it's not about sex...then what is it really that makes this man so appealing to you?

 

Like I wrote before, just wait until his wife finds out. That's when the fun will REALLY begin. Be prepared.

[Hollyj]

I am so not that kind of woman. I've never had a affair with a married guy ever.

 

But I do know what it's like to be in a unhappy marriage and feeling trapped. I never cheated just got a divorce. Maybe if she would give him what he needs sexually he wouldn't feel the need to look else where to feel satisfied or vice versa.

 

Seems like to me that you are saying that the one partner should just suck it up and stay miserable and unfulfilled in the marriage.

 

Having said that I wouldn't want to be cheated on either. But I wouldn't want to be in a marriage knowing that they were not happy with me anymore. I'm not trying to justify anything cheating is wrong I get it

 

You're having an emotional affair. You are that woman

 

How do you know what she is giving him and what she is not. let me guess, it is what he is telling you. The lies that he is telling you are so common. You should know better. Also, if he is so unhappy, then why does he get a divorce. You need to use your head, here.

 

You should have blocked this creep, as soon as you found out he was married. He also sound really off. He does not respect you at all.

 

I think you need to address why any of this has been okay for you. Why is your self esteem so low.

[Wiseman2]

Sounds like a catfish or random pervert.

[Openmindedgurl]

He's definitely not a catfish. I had him checked out. He is someone with a temper and I'm beginning to think I made a huge mistake ever talking to him even casually.

[Wiseman2]

What were you able to verify?

He's definitely not a catfish. I had him checked out.

[Openmindedgurl]

I did a background check on him. Verified that he is married and all his personal info is true. We have actually meant in person but that was before I knew he was interested in a FWB relationship with me . It was just a casual lunch. Nothing inappropriate.

[SweetGirl28]

He's definitely not a catfish. I had him checked out. He is someone with a temper and I'm beginning to think I made a huge mistake ever talking to him even casually.

 

Get rid of this guy! Married, temper, what's the positives? None.

[Wiseman2]

What's stopping you from deleting and blocking this guy and dating normal guys?

He's definitely not a catfish. I had him checked out. He is someone with a temper and I'm beginning to think I made a huge mistake ever talking to him even casually.

[boltnrun]

This is not a "FWB" situation. Instead of trying to sugar coat it, realize this is an affair with a married man. And you are the woman on the side.

 

You've avoided almost all questions asking why you want this affair. If it's just sex, I'm sure you can find an unmarried man to have casual sex with. And if it's romance, again you can find an unmarried man.

 

What about this man is so gosh-darned appealing to you? Does the idea of sneaking around behind his wife's back excite you?

[Cope]

And she's his accomplice...

 

 

 

Yes, but HUGE difference.

[Cope]

Just to note: She is the enabler. If she stopped talking to him, blocked and deleted him, she would stop enabling him to disrespect her and betray his wife.

 

Yes. BUT. If she stopped talking to him he would find another (probably already has another and has had); Home still wrecked.

[Cope]

I am so not that kind of woman. I've never had a affair with a married guy ever.

 

But I do know what it's like to be in a unhappy marriage and feeling trapped. I never cheated just got a divorce. Maybe if she would give him what he needs sexually he wouldn't feel the need to look else where to feel satisfied or vice versa.

 

Seems like to me that you are saying that the one partner should just suck it up and stay miserable and unfulfilled in the marriage.

 

Having said that I wouldn't want to be cheated on either. But I wouldn't want to be in a marriage knowing that they were not happy with me anymore. I'm not trying to justify anything cheating is wrong I get it

 

I have been in an affair as the other woman. Not my proudest moment. I'm not saying all the "you're not the homewrecker,he is" just to clear my conscience, I know I was part of it but I've forgiven myself for my mistake. The married person though, still have the honors to the title "Homewrecker" unless the "other person" pursues the affair. Most important part that so many people don't get, is that choosing to be in a relationship like that goes way deeper than sexual feelings from the "other" person's view. No one ever thinks of the "other person"; everyone just rushes to name them a homewrecker and disregard their physiological condition they are in at the moment.

 

OP: What is alarming to me is the behavior of this guy and you haven't even had sex yet. He is controlling and a liar. He HAS done this before. It doesn't matter if his wife gives him what he needs or not in bed.He just wants to have it all. You, yourself got a divorce without cheating, so no, noone has to "suck it up" and stay in an unfulfilling marriage, that's what divorces are for. He can too. ANYTHING else is a lame excuse to sleep around. I am afraid you have met a sociopath. RUN.

[Openmindedgurl]

He had been looking for someone for a long time way before I came into the picture. He takes trips with a friend tonight Vegas. And he told me he meant some girl there once and they were going to have sex. But she wouldn't let him kiss her during so it didn't happen. This was before I knew he was married that he told me this story btw. He's not going to stop trying bottom line.

[lostandhurt]

Here is a quick lesson on cheaters.

 

1. Cheaters lie. They lie to the person they are trying to bed, they lie to their S/O, they lie to themselves.

2. Their lives are a series of lies to cover other lies.

3. They are selfish.

4. They are good at finding the right person to fool into becoming their cheating partner.

5. Their marriage/relationship is ALWAYS not what they say it is because they lie. They want you to feel sorry for them and play on your past relationship problems.

6. They make promises they NEVER intend to keep.

 

If you are willingly having sex with a person that is in a relationship you ARE a CHEATER. There is no excuse, justification or spin that can change facts. Just because you are an accomplice and are single yourself doesn't lesson your role in cheating. He is breaking vows and you are willingly helping him.

 

I have to believe you have more self worth than this. And yes you can delete and block him and if he calls or contacts you just tell him if he doesn't stop your next call will be to his wife and then the police.

 

Lost

[thealchemist]

I have been in an affair as the other woman. Not my proudest moment. I'm not saying all the "you're not the homewrecker,he is" just to clear my conscience, I know I was part of it but I've forgiven myself for my mistake. The married person though, still have the honors to the title "Homewrecker" unless the "other person" pursues the affair. Most important part that so many people don't get, is that choosing to be in a relationship like that goes way deeper than sexual feelings from the "other" person's view. No one ever thinks of the "other person"; everyone just rushes to name them a homewrecker and disregard their physiological condition they are in at the moment.

 

OP: What is alarming to me is the behavior of this guy and you haven't even had sex yet. He is controlling and a liar. He HAS done this before. It doesn't matter if his wife gives him what he needs or not in bed.He just wants to have it all. You, yourself got a divorce without cheating, so no, noone has to "suck it up" and stay in an unfulfilling marriage, that's what divorces are for. He can too. ANYTHING else is a lame excuse to sleep around. I am afraid you have met a sociopath. RUN.

I don't see how you can justifiably say that the "other" in an affair isn't just as liable as the person who is having the affair from inside the relationship.

 

Unless of course they are ignorant to the fact they are the "other" person obviously.

 

Just a difference of opinion I guess.

 

I think it is right to not care about the "other" person's motive.

 

Who cares about the motives that make people act selfishly destructive towards others? They don't deserve empathy...

[ThatwasThen]

Yes. BUT. If she stopped talking to him he would find another (probably already has another and has had); Home still wrecked.

The point is, she won't be helping to wreck a home.

[Cope]

 

I think it is right to not care about the "other" person's motive.

 

Who cares about the motives that make people act selfishly destructive towards others? They don't deserve empathy...

 

It's not about motives, it's about people who fall for the wrong person. Either it's a substance abuser, abusive to their partner or a liar and cheater. Of course it weighs more when the other person is married, but why do we show sympathy to people who fall in every other category and not when they fall for a married person?

 

 

I don't see how you can justifiably say that the "other" in an affair isn't just as liable as the person who is having the affair from inside the relationship.

 

Unless of course they are ignorant to the fact they are the "other" person obviously.

 

Just a difference of opinion I guess.

 

 

The point is, she won't be helping to wreck a home.

 

 

Of course the other person is liable, if they are more, less or the same is indeed a difference of opinions, but I'm not blind to their fault in any affair.

 

Yes, ThatwasThen, she won't be helping,that's true.

 

My question and point is, how many times has the married person been called a homewrecker? Correct me if I'm wrong, but when I hear homewrecker, the other person and most of the times it's a woman, comes to mind. Why is that? Just like I said above, the other person deserves some sympathy in many, may I dare to say most cases. I've been on forums with(again mostly women) people in these situations and most of them have no difference from a troubled woman who fell in love with the wrong guy. Most of them have no motive of keeping the guy for themselves even. On top of that they have this stigma from society to just call them homewreckers and receive no empathy at all. I get it, of course they did something horrible, yet, it's a bit more complicated than that.

 

In order to enter a relationship like this, you need to be in a specific psychological bad condition. Low self esteem to say the least.