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Need help 3 weeks since breaking up and a week since we meet up and spoke. A day I won’t forget very bitter sweet. Kicking myself as I gave him the letter which I was advised by a counsellor. Wish I waited until the end and wouldn’t of given the letter. Can’t go back and change that. Finding it hard deleting pictures we have together. Pictures on my phone on Facebook and Instagram. So many when you have been together 7 years. I have hidden relationship status but it still says we are in a relationship together. I haven’t removed him either from social media I guess I am not ready yet. Dealing with questions from mutual friends and family. Plus just forgetting him completely is so hard. My moods are up and down and I just want to stop hurting and find peace. Some days I wake up feeling so sad. My life has done a 360 and It’s difficult. I don’t want to be someone who takes 2 years to get over this. Advice please, please note I haven’t contacted him since seeing him last week. If I do feel like contacting him I write it down. Been scanning forums and articles to help me. Been through break up before but this feels like something else. It’s very hard after 7 years just to forget and delete it is.

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I'm sorry you're hurting. Don't delete the pictures, back them up onto a file or can you store them in iCloud?

It's good to not see the pics everyday when healing, but once deleted, they are gone forever. It's too soon to

make that decision. Delete his contacts though, so when feeling weak it's not easy to reach out to him.

 

Can I ask why you broke up, and was it mutual?

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It wasn’t mutual, I had a break down and took it all out on him. Went through something before Christmas which I can’t disclose but turned my life upside down and was trying to stay strong. We went out 3 weeks ago, my first time since the I’m incident and took it all out on him. I apologised because it was bad and I feel so terrible. He admitted that we had more good times than bad. He doesn’t want me anymore it hurts.

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Okay, it's hard to advise without knowing, but I understand .

What I will say is that it takes time and space apart for any bad memories to fade. Then they get replaced with the good memories. If it was something that happened that is a complete deal breaker as far as reuniting, then I'm sorry. But sometimes with long term relationships, a reunion is possible after time. Doesn't seem like it will be from the little you've said, so treat it as such. I'm sure he's hurting also, you don't just throw that many years away without giving it thought.

I'm just thinking he probably felt burdened by whatever happened and didn't feel he deserved the blame.

If I'm reading what you said correctly. I'm guessing you didn't try couples therapy prior to splitting?

None of us can make our ex want to be in a relationship with us, so it's best to just be silent, as much as it hurts.

Don't chase, call, beg, nothing. No more letters. Just focus on yourself.

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You have it in one can’t say I wish I could but can’t. It was a very traumatic experience. No he doesn’t want to do counselling he is done. I get it and wish I could take it back I wouldn’t dream of hurting him and did when what I said was how I was feeling about myself. It does hurt 7 years and it’s all gone. I haven’t reached out to him since seeing him and won’t it will hurt too much. When seeing him he was so distant and firm in his decision and now I know he has read the letter and I’m kicking myself giving it to him. I was doing counselling what happened and they advised to write a letter. I guess I am finding it hard because I love him still and it hurts. Part of me feels he doesn’t care. Feels like a clean cut and it hurts so much. When I asked him he doesn’t want to give it another go and it hurt. He is Scorpio despite not believing in star signs 100% he does have traits it’s hard. I just want to feel better. The thought that one day when I’m ready and sorted I won’t be with him hurts 😓 I know I need to heal and move on and I am trying.

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Whatever happened, it was something that turned him cold towards you. The only thing that will change that feeling is space. Anger, hurt, frustration , deceit, they all take time to get over. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. It depends on the

severity of the incident. There is nothing you can do except to heal yourself, stay in therapy, and learn from this.

Don't be too hard on yourself. We've all been there where we wished we could fast forward time and find our peace, but that's isn't possible. Surround yourself with friends and family for emotional support and keep yourself healthy.

If he isn't forgiving you, you still need to forgive yourself.

I put some thought into star signs. I can't deal with Leo or Scorpio men as a Taurus, we clash too much. I don't like tempers and they are , from my experience, pretty quick and intense, which puts my guard up. I love Libra men, they are so passionate and affectionate and quiet unless you really tick them off lol. You won't be forgotten, and you had good times, sometimes you need to be thankful for the time you had, but accept its over, and even though it's hard to believe you will ever love, or find love again, it can and does happen. I wish you all the best, inner peace and comfort(((hugs)))

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Thank you, your words are so comforting. Thank you! I agree it did turn him cold but deep down he knows that’s not me who has known for 8 years. It feels like I’m dealing with two traumas at once. Hate thinking all the time wish I could turn my thoughts off. I’m jealous of his position that he is “over it” and so together when I am battling my heart and emotions.

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He's not "just over it", no one can throw away that man years so quickly, unless they were already emotionally detached for quite some time. But as humans our defense mechanisms and coping strategies can make us appear cold, distant, aloof, and that we've easily moved on. We all hurt inside, we just don't all show it to others readily.

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Sometimes I wonder if he checked out before but thee were no signs. I know I hurt him. He also said there will always be feelings and he doesn’t love me anymore. Part of me thinks he is just saying that but another part of me thinks maybe he did stop loving me just like that after the incident. Maybe he just over it. It hurts because I wish I could just go over us. Sometimes I hate my emotions and wish I was colder.

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I had an extremely painful breakup a few years ago, after a 2 1/2 year relationship, when he just walked out one night, and he was done. That was 6 years ago, and I never found out why.

 

I did get over it, and you will too. It took me about a year! Spending time with people was a huge part of helping me get through it....friends, family, therapy, work friends.....anyone who is a positive and motivating influence on your life.

 

As for the pics? I agree with SweetGirl. I put mine on a flash drive, and then deleted them from my phone, Facebook, laptop. I put the flash drive in a box where I keep mementos, and I put the box away. About 2 years ago, I was looking through that box, and I pulled out the flash drive. You know what? It didn't hurt at all to view the photos. By then, it was all just memories.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been there. The only way through it is....through it. :(

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@LH girl wow your amazing and thanks for commenting. Thank you hope I heal I’m surrounding myself around family and friends. It’s so hard! Just a clean cut but it hurts. Hopefully it won’t be long until I feel better and am better. Yes flash drive will be good .

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Just a clean cut but it hurts. Hopefully it won’t be long until I feel better and am better.

 

Mine was a clean cut, and it hurt horribly.

 

Mine walked out in Jan. 2012, after a great day! We went to a movie, then to eat, then to shop and run errands, then home and watched another movie, then a (super minor) issue came up, not even what I'd classify as an argument, and then....he left. That was it. I did get his stuff back to him a few weeks later, but he said not. one. word.

 

A few weeks after he left, I had dinner with 3 friends, all happy & smiles, until they asked about him (I hadn't said a word). I tried to say it very matter-of-fact, but I broke down in the restaurant. Ugh.

 

So, I go through 2012, with so much pain it was awful. Finally, through the end of the year, things are looking a little better, dating a little bit, and then the holidays come. I broke down so horribly I thought I'd need hospitalization. Seriously, it was like it hit me all over again.

 

Come to early 2013, and it just....went away. Kind of like a really bad bruise, from a really bad fall, where it just faded. I was able to move on, and I realized that in 2012, the year of the breakup, I had made some new friends, joined a new women's group, traveled a bit, and healed some old family wounds, that I was even better. And in a much better place to date and find someone new.

 

You'll get there. The point of my story isn't to tell you my story, but to tell you this: It's not linear. It's like weight loss (if you've ever tried to lose weight): You go down .5 lb., and you're super excited, then the next day, you're up 2 lbs., and you're ticked. Then, you're down 3 lbs.

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they all hurt.... dont do anything rash. Instead of all the work to move the pictures, I got a new laptop after the breakup of a LTR. The break up that actually brought me to this site.

 

I shoved that laptop in the back of the closet. I found it a few days ago. I didn't even look at it.

 

I find it traumatic to look at sentimental things and throw them away. lol and don't go on Facebook for a while just leave your status as it is. Don't check it. Don't check anybody else's. Go be around your friends and family in real life.

 

You really don't know what could happen in the future.

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Thanks for sharing your story with me and thank you for your advice and words. I hope I can get through this and gel quickly.

 

First two weeks were agony and wasn’t eating and sleeping. I sometimes still cry and get a lump in my throat. Sometimes I just wake up feeling sad.

 

The fact sometimes I forget and think about Hik and have to say to myself stop thinking about him.

 

Spent all of my 20s practically with him, my birthday in a few weeks 😓

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@Lambert thank you, yes trying not to go on Facebook it’s hard as I have family who keep in touch or sometimes I check in. It’s so hard and he seems to be so together and over it. I’m jealous and wish I was.

 

7 years and he is over it! Need to heal! He has said no to work things out and when he says something he sticks to it. He also a typical Scorpio and very stubborn.

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@Lambert thank you, yes trying not to go on Facebook it’s hard as I have family who keep in touch or sometimes I check in. It’s so hard and he seems to be so together and over it. I’m jealous and wish I was.

 

7 years and he is over it! Need to heal! He has said no to work things out and when he says something he sticks to it. He also a typical Scorpio and very stubborn.

It's gonna be okay. I am sure at some point he will or he's just putting on an act and you really don't know how he is alone.

 

People will figure out you are not on there (facebook) and will contact you. Those are your people. [emoji7]

 

I know how you feel. I'm pretty sure my ex (although not LTR) is fine... In some ways that makes me stronger. He is fine. I am fine.

 

You will be fine. Try not to think of it but its ok to cry, too. I've been dating and i still cry. My feelings are really hurt. In some ways it's not even about the bu. I am shocked we aren't together but i know i want to have a good life..... and just move forward.

 

You will feel that way, too. We get through things and people do make up. Not always. So don't count on it. Take care of yourself. Protect yourself and your feelings. It's hard but not impossible.

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I don’t think he will, certain if it which makes me question 7 years we were together! Sometimes I think is there really someone out there for me! Maybe I am old Romantic! I don’t know. Thank you for comforting words.

 

How long did you wait to date? Why do you still cry? Hope your okay. I feel like I am cried out but then tears start again!

 

Ahhh it hurts and it hurts !!!

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I am several years from that LTR. I think I started dating again fairly quickly. Like you, I'm a romantic and i hope to find the right guy!

 

7 years is a long time. It took me like a year to really go through it. Its like ask the firsts without the person.

 

I don't cry about that at all. I had a good time with him, until we didn't. Things definitely changed. I am glad for what it was and that i got out of it.

 

Nowadays, I cried bc I truly miss hanging with my most recent bf.... he dumped me and i didn't see it coming. It could be, he just didn't like enough to continue or he could truly be having a very hard time of things that have nothing to do with me. Well really both reasons have nothing to do with me......

 

i mean I don't feel like I did anything wrong in either case.

 

it's been maybe 6 wks to 2 mos. I really try not to track out. haha... i've been on 3 dates. I don't think I clicked. But all 3 guys - good. Cute, successful, nice time.

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Thinking of dating makes me sad right now. I have cried so much today! I just want it to stop the hurt! My birthday next week and I can’t be asked I’m normally the birthday queen and he made it so special first one without him and I am not looking forward to it! I don’t want to feel sad no more. I wish I could stop missing him but it’s hard.

 

Hope we both heal soon 🙏🏽

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He's not "over it". He has just made his decision and stands firm in that. He was hurt and doesn't want to go back. Don't assume how he feels because everything is not always what it seems.

 

I was with my ex husband for 14 years. He was awful and abusive to me. I still love him. I just don't want him back. He thinks I have moved on and am cold toward him because I don't care. That isn't true. But I have no desire to hash out the past or go back to what we had. I would never tell him that because it would set him back and cause unnecessary pain for him. He would be Hoping we have a chance when we don't have a chance to reconcile at all.

Try not to focus on him. Focus on yourself and healing. I am so sorry you are hurting. The pain of a breakup is so awful and I wish I could take it away for you.

 

Sending you light and love.

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Thanks Dominique, I do miss him terribly and our relationship definitely had more good times than bad. I am upset and hurting. Trying to be strong I guess I always want to work on things. I know we could be in a good place but he has made his decision and doesn’t love me. It hurts as I am questioning is it true love if you can stop loving someone after one night. I do questions is he over it. It’s not it was us. I wish I could be more like him and together about it all.

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