Could he be cheating?

[Starlight925]

You don't trust him, and for good reason.

 

Shady phone behavior, especially with all the things you've mentioned, is not something to ignore.

 

Whether or not you suffer from anxiety is a separate issue.

 

You will never find peace with a guy who behaves like this.

[JCSK]

Agreed. You have to trust him or walk. But I don't think walking is the answer as you will eventually find someone else but then just repeat this same cycle of behaviour all over again. I totally get that you suffer from anxiety but you posted this problem to get advice, and for advice to be valuable it sometimes needs to be harsh to get the OP to think about themselves from another POV and how their actions may affect others, not to hurt or upset them, but to help them. You need to take steps to fix yourself, men are attracted to confident women who go about their business seemingly without a care in the world. Don't let his whole world become yours, if he goes on about work then tell him you don't really need to know every last detail and that it can get a little tedious. Maybe he feels like he has to as you are so anxious and will appreciate the get out?! You MUST have something more interesting to talk about than just each other's jobs...? What is going on here, it just sounds like an existence of working, discussing working when you get home and a whole heap of dripping, moaning and bickering. Where's the fun? Life doesn't just come along and take the dullness out of something, you have to do it yourself. Take an evening class together, or by yourself, change your job, get driven. Also, you mentioned being self-conscious about your weight. Joining a gym and going swimming really help with both weight loss, energy levels and anxiety. It also gets you out and meeting new people.

 

As far as your boyfriend's concerned I don't think he's cheating. Not at all. There are more reasons than just cheating to hide your phone. My partner has his thumb print in my phone (purely coz all the music is on my phone and he can change it) I don't have his and told him I don't want it as I've done what you did before. NEVER snoop! It gets you nowhere and causes endless bother. Thankfully my partner doesn't read my messages and if he did I would snap the phone off him so quick I'd probably take his hand off with it. Because I'm cheating or flirting? No. I love him very much but he is a massive pain the ass a lot of the time so I complain about him all the time to my friend. That's what mates do. It gets it off my chest, gives me advice, I deal with it and we're all good again. But god I wouldn't want him reading some of my rants!! I posted on here a week ago and getting some male's perspectives of my situation was so helpful and I was able to see things from his angle more. He could be doing the same thing. My partner and I had a huge bust up last week (hence the post on here) and I needed some time out, I was very emotional, quite drunk and there was two feet of snow outside. So I went to my my neighbour's house (we live in the middle of nowhere so I didn't have much choice) who is a single man in his late fifties, because he is kind, I knew he'd be up and he is a wise and well traveled man. I didn't stay long, calmed down and he gave me some helpful advice and off I went. I had to lie to my partner and felt absolutely awful doing it but he is so sensitive and he never thinks I am cheating or am going to cheat but he worries that I fancy other people all the time and he would defo be upset if I told him. I only lied to protect his feelings and I think maybe this is what your bf is doing.

 

We all tell white lies sometimes to avoid upset and argument. That dog thing really does sound innocent to me. And your worry about the conversation about dogs being how you got together - well that's just silly. That is 100% your anxiety messing with you there. And the incident with his ex, they were out, she was there, happens. I've been in places with an ex in a group of people through no fault of my own. I didn't organise it, they just turn up and that's that. Anyway, what do you mean she doesn't respect 'her boundaries.? Do you mean she doesn't respect 'your boundaries'?! Either way, she has no reason to adhere to or care about 'your' boundaries or behave in a way that you think she should. She has no alleigance to you, but HE does. It's his boundaries you need to focus on as well as your own. If he has proven to you that he knows his boundaries, and you trust him, and every thing is cool, she and an army of ex's can be there, behaving in what ever way they like, but who cares? You know you and your man are solid and that is all that counts. It can be quite attractive to a man to behave like this. Stop worrying about ex's or female friends/colleagues or pictures of dogs, or numerous social media sites (they are the root of all evil) and get busy with YOU. Join that gym, buy that smoothie maker, take that course, climb that career ladder, sort out date nights, buy sexy underwear, get that manicure... and you are gonna be so busy, fit and active you won't have time to worry about all this crap anymore. Also, big him up, tell him all the reasons why you love him, and that you're proud of him. Men need this just as much as women and leading by example might prompt him to say more stuff like that to you. You cannot spend an entire relationship worrying about whether you bf may or may not cheat one day. If you do that then you will never enjoy each other and therefore what's the point in being together anyway? If you do all of those things, address the anxiety (5http is good too - it's on amazon and everywhere, look it up) get your life pumping in every way, then if the worse does happen you'll be good and strong and you will cope. You might even find the new you has out grown him! Onwards and upwards and remember, life doesn't change you, you change life. Good luck :)

[thealchemist]

Ok well my upload failed. Anyway, you have the right to know what he's hiding from you which he is. It like this:

 

People with nothing to hide, hide nothing.

Honestly she DOESN'T have the right to know.

 

If you don't trust him end it.

 

But you don't have the right to know, or to try to find out through sketchy means.

 

If you are snooping then you are committing a terrible relationship infraction. Why lower the quality of yourself because you don't trust his quality?

 

If he won't tell you or stop, just end it and stop making yourself crazy. Don't make yourself less date-able because he is a jerk.

 

And don't listen to the advice of people who are coming from such a subjective viewpoint.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you are selling spyware in many of your posts.

I'm not selling anything. I use PC tattletale and here's a screenshot of one click of my bfs activities tonight