Jaki987 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Hello, my ex and I broke up about 8 months ago. I have since gotten into a new relationship (for the past 3 months). However, my ex recently started talking to me again. Our relationship ended without much closure as he left for Japan the day after he said he wanted to get back together (after a 1-2 month break). Therefore, I have had a hard time getting over him and have wanted to see him to see wether it will give me closure. He has seemed depressed since our breakup and after telling me he wanted to get back together I didn’t really know how to feel anymore. I am, however, happy in my current relationship and don’t particularly want to mess it up. But I also want to see him as I’ve been having a hard time forgetting about him and am confused about my feelings for him. I don’t know whether it’s a good idea to meet him though, also I don’t know what to tell me current boyfriend. I would appreciate any advice. Thank you! Link to comment
DanZee Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 It's not really a good idea to meet your boyfriend. You never get closure, particularly if he thinks he's going to win you back. And you just keep hurting yourself. Tell him you're in a relationship now and you don't want to mess that up. That you and he had a good thing for awhile, but you've moved on and he should too. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Do not meet him. It won't help anything and it will be disrespectful to your boyfriend. Be clear and firm with your ex that you are not going to compromise that. If you are this confused, though, you may also want to reflect on whether you're really ready to be dating anyone seriously right now. Link to comment
Jaki987 Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 He specified that he didn’t reach out in the hopes of getting me back because he feels like it’s too selfish for him and that he doesn’t have the right to ask me for that. Also, I haven’t been able to forget about him yet. If I were still single I’d want to get back together. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 There is still zero reason to meet up with him or even continue talking to him at this point. It sounds to me like you're not over him. How's your relationship with your current boyfriend? Do you feel you were really ready to date when you met him? Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 If this is causing you doubts, then you aren't over him. It won't be fair to your BF if you meet the ex and discuss getting back together. Be honest with your BF and tell him if that's what you're going to do. Think about if it were you, and your BF did this behind your back. You may lose them both. I personally would not risk ruining a good thing for an ex who has already shown actions to not match words, but you need to do what is right for you. Be certain of his motive for contacting you prior to doing anything, or you'll end up back on here making a new post about how you hurt and lost your BF and asking how you get him back. Don't be that person :) Link to comment
Lambert Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 If this is causing you doubts, then you aren't over him. It won't be fair to your BF if you meet the ex and discuss getting back together. Be honest with your BF and tell him if that's what you're going to do. Think about if it were you, and your BF did this behind your back. You may lose them both. I personally would not risk ruining a good thing for an ex who has already shown actions to not match words, but you need to do what is right for you. Be certain of his motive for contacting you prior to doing anything, or you'll end up back on here making a new post about how you hurt and lost your BF and asking how you get him back. Don't be that person :) good points sweetgirl! OP: Your situation is the one everyone on here (that's been broken up with) dreams of. I found in the past, for me, I don't give up a current relationship for a past 1. Getting back together is not easy. I have found the insecurities that developed because of a breakup are really hard to overcome. imo, why give up a shiny new bf, full of hope and promise, for a broken down relationship.... Of course him contacting you causes emotions and doubts.... you've come this far.... why go back? In my last relationship, my ex came back and I just ignored him. It did cause some anxiety for me. i never told my bf at the time (we broke up unrelated) bc it didn't matter. i would never do anything to hurt my current bf (whoever he is). i just dont play games like that. take the ego boost. know that you did better and leave that sunk ship in Japan. tell your ex you're in a relationship now and let it be at that. he can think whatever he wants. don't risk a good guy for a guy that left you. Link to comment
Beetie Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 OP did not specifically say who broke up with who and what the issues were that led to the break up? Link to comment
Last Gentleman Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 But I also want to see him as I’ve been having a hard time forgetting about him and am confused about my feelings for him. Also, I haven’t been able to forget about him yet. If I were still single I’d want to get back together. Does your boyfriend have any clue he's a rebound, because these phrases just says exactly that, if I were you i'd be really careful here and you might be better alone, respect this guy please he deserves better ! Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Stop communicating with him. Closure was when he broke up and left the country. You will ruin your current situation if you lie to the new guy about "needing to each other for closure" which any fool knows means "testing the waters to reconcile and using you as a backup". Take your chances but keep in mind you'll most likely lose both of them.I am, however, happy in my current relationship and don’t particularly want to mess it up. I don’t know what to tell me current boyfriend. I would appreciate any advice. Thank you! Link to comment
Jaki987 Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 I feel like I should add some background context. My ex and I were in a serious relationship for almost 3 years before our break up. He decided to call it off when things got "too serious for him" and rather than taking a break decided to break up. I told him I didn't want to and he said that if I waited he would give me a reply (whether he wanted to get back together or not) a month later (on my birthday), right before his trip to Japan. Not wanting to get rejected again on my birthday I meet up with him a bit before this to see if he was leaning more towards getting back or not, he said most likely not and that I should move on. So, I started seeing someone else and the day before he left as well as the day the guy asked me to be his girlfriend he confessed that he wanted me back. I didn't reply to this because I knew he would be gone for a month. However, he kept messaging me telling me how he missed me and wanted to get back together until I told him I was in a new relationship. Things with this guy didn't work out and we broke up after 3 months (for other reasons). After this, I tried to get in contact with my ex to see if he still felt the same and wanted to try things again but he acted cold. Then I met my current boyfriend in a club one night and we hit it off. We start dating a week later and everything is good until I start spending time at his place and realize that he smokes (cigarettes and weed) which I don't like. We talk about this and he tries to quit. During this time I don't think about my ex; he deletes me on all social media and I get rid of all his/our stuff. Recently, my current boyfriend has been acting weird; spending more time out with friends than normal, getting texts and suddenly turning his phone over, often coming home smelling like smoke, and seems like he's avoiding me. Because of this, I am starting to doubt whether or not I can trust him. During this very confusing time in my current relationship, my ex conveniently decides to send me a friend request and start talking to me about how he is depressed, can't get over me and has finally given up on trying to hide his feeling for me and admit that he is wrong. He said he didn't contact me to get back together because he knows it's no longer his choice, being the one who ended our relationship. Having been in a relationship for nearly 3 years and being so close we had originally hoped to be friends, also with his depression, I wanted to make sure he's doing ok and suggested meeting up sometime. So now, while I am considering how to feel about my current boyfriend my ex decides to message me and stir up emotions I thought I had buried. That is why I am so lost about what I should do, having mixed emotions for both my current boyfriend and my ex. Link to comment
Lambert Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 I feel like I should add some background context. My ex and I were in a serious relationship for almost 3 years before our break up. He decided to call it off when things got "too serious for him" and rather than taking a break decided to break up. I told him I didn't want to and he said that if I waited he would give me a reply (whether he wanted to get back together or not) a month later (on my birthday), right before his trip to Japan. Not wanting to get rejected again on my birthday I meet up with him a bit before this to see if he was leaning more towards getting back or not, he said most likely not and that I should move on. So, I started seeing someone else and the day before he left as well as the day the guy asked me to be his girlfriend he confessed that he wanted me back. I didn't reply to this because I knew he would be gone for a month. However, he kept messaging me telling me how he missed me and wanted to get back together until I told him I was in a new relationship. Things with this guy didn't work out and we broke up after 3 months (for other reasons). After this, I tried to get in contact with my ex to see if he still felt the same and wanted to try things again but he acted cold. Then I met my current boyfriend in a club one night and we hit it off. We start dating a week later and everything is good until I start spending time at his place and realize that he smokes (cigarettes and weed) which I don't like. We talk about this and he tries to quit. During this time I don't think about my ex; he deletes me on all social media and I get rid of all his/our stuff. Recently, my current boyfriend has been acting weird; spending more time out with friends than normal, getting texts and suddenly turning his phone over, often coming home smelling like smoke, and seems like he's avoiding me. Because of this, I am starting to doubt whether or not I can trust him. During this very confusing time in my current relationship, my ex conveniently decides to send me a friend request and start talking to me about how he is depressed, can't get over me and has finally given up on trying to hide his feeling for me and admit that he is wrong. He said he didn't contact me to get back together because he knows it's no longer his choice, being the one who ended our relationship. Having been in a relationship for nearly 3 years and being so close we had originally hoped to be friends, also with his depression, I wanted to make sure he's doing ok and suggested meeting up sometime. So now, while I am considering how to feel about my current boyfriend my ex decides to message me and stir up emotions I thought I had buried. That is why I am so lost about what I should do, having mixed emotions for both my current boyfriend and my ex.i get it... here's what i would do.... take some time to decide but live your life. you know what you want to do... listen to it. you have to follow your heart. really think it thru... what's the best thing Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 I think you should break up with your current bf. You are clearly still hung up on that ex and it's not fair that he's being used. You'd hate for someone to do this to you, so please consider his feelings and just end things. It's not fair on anyone, and cheating (emotional or physical) hurts. Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 I feel like I should add some background context. My ex and I were in a serious relationship for almost 3 years before our break up. He decided to call it off when things got "too serious for him" and rather than taking a break decided to break up. I told him I didn't want to and he said that if I waited he would give me a reply (whether he wanted to get back together or not) a month later (on my birthday), right before his trip to Japan. Not wanting to get rejected again on my birthday I meet up with him a bit before this to see if he was leaning more towards getting back or not, he said most likely not and that I should move on. So, I started seeing someone else and the day before he left as well as the day the guy asked me to be his girlfriend he confessed that he wanted me back. I didn't reply to this because I knew he would be gone for a month. However, he kept messaging me telling me how he missed me and wanted to get back together until I told him I was in a new relationship. Things with this guy didn't work out and we broke up after 3 months (for other reasons). After this, I tried to get in contact with my ex to see if he still felt the same and wanted to try things again but he acted cold. Then I met my current boyfriend in a club one night and we hit it off. We start dating a week later and everything is good until I start spending time at his place and realize that he smokes (cigarettes and weed) which I don't like. We talk about this and he tries to quit. During this time I don't think about my ex; he deletes me on all social media and I get rid of all his/our stuff. Recently, my current boyfriend has been acting weird; spending more time out with friends than normal, getting texts and suddenly turning his phone over, often coming home smelling like smoke, and seems like he's avoiding me. Because of this, I am starting to doubt whether or not I can trust him. During this very confusing time in my current relationship, my ex conveniently decides to send me a friend request and start talking to me about how he is depressed, can't get over me and has finally given up on trying to hide his feeling for me and admit that he is wrong. He said he didn't contact me to get back together because he knows it's no longer his choice, being the one who ended our relationship. Having been in a relationship for nearly 3 years and being so close we had originally hoped to be friends, also with his depression, I wanted to make sure he's doing ok and suggested meeting up sometime. So now, while I am considering how to feel about my current boyfriend my ex decides to message me and stir up emotions I thought I had buried. That is why I am so lost about what I should do, having mixed emotions for both my current boyfriend and my ex. Both of us know you 'checking up on him' involves hiding it from your current bf. No self respecting guy would tolerate this, and I really doubt you'll tell him. Things will happen and this line shouldn't be crossed. You seem torn and obviously the current guy is a rebound. Do you really want to be the person that causes someone else trust issues? Also if your current bf is causing you to not trust him, you should talk about it with him, communicate or break up. Don't be immature and do the thing that won't make things better. Link to comment
Last Gentleman Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 I feel like I should add some background context. My ex and I were in a serious relationship for almost 3 years before our break up. He decided to call it off when things got "too serious for him" and rather than taking a break decided to break up. I told him I didn't want to and he said that if I waited he would give me a reply (whether he wanted to get back together or not) a month later (on my birthday), right before his trip to Japan. Not wanting to get rejected again on my birthday I meet up with him a bit before this to see if he was leaning more towards getting back or not, he said most likely not and that I should move on. So, I started seeing someone else and the day before he left as well as the day the guy asked me to be his girlfriend he confessed that he wanted me back. I didn't reply to this because I knew he would be gone for a month. However, he kept messaging me telling me how he missed me and wanted to get back together until I told him I was in a new relationship. Things with this guy didn't work out and we broke up after 3 months (for other reasons). After this, I tried to get in contact with my ex to see if he still felt the same and wanted to try things again but he acted cold. Then I met my current boyfriend in a club one night and we hit it off. We start dating a week later and everything is good until I start spending time at his place and realize that he smokes (cigarettes and weed) which I don't like. We talk about this and he tries to quit. During this time I don't think about my ex; he deletes me on all social media and I get rid of all his/our stuff. Recently, my current boyfriend has been acting weird; spending more time out with friends than normal, getting texts and suddenly turning his phone over, often coming home smelling like smoke, and seems like he's avoiding me. Because of this, I am starting to doubt whether or not I can trust him. During this very confusing time in my current relationship, my ex conveniently decides to send me a friend request and start talking to me about how he is depressed, can't get over me and has finally given up on trying to hide his feeling for me and admit that he is wrong. He said he didn't contact me to get back together because he knows it's no longer his choice, being the one who ended our relationship. Having been in a relationship for nearly 3 years and being so close we had originally hoped to be friends, also with his depression, I wanted to make sure he's doing ok and suggested meeting up sometime. So now, while I am considering how to feel about my current boyfriend my ex decides to message me and stir up emotions I thought I had buried. That is why I am so lost about what I should do, having mixed emotions for both my current boyfriend and my ex. So you're complaining about your current BF, but you're clearly using him as a rebound, I'm sorry you need to grow up and treat people like you would want they treat you ! Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Notice that he is talking about his depression, blah, blah, not the commitment you wanted.He decided to call it off when things got "too serious for him" . my ex conveniently decides to send me a friend request and start talking to me about how he is depressed, can't get over me and has finally given up on trying to hide his feeling for me and admit that he is wrong. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 You need to break up with the current boyfriend, OP. You aren't with him for the right reasons. Don't go back to the ex either. Stay single. Learn to be happy on your own first. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.