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Can't sleep at all (mind is going a million miles an hour) so I might as well do something productive.

 

Don't really have any main issue or topic for this post, just wanted to write a bit. I had a bit of an epiphany recently and it helped remind me that there are twists and turns on the road of recovery. Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes at some point. To err is human, right?

 

So, I had an incredibly embarrassing event happen this last weekend at my family's house and it put me in such a mental tailspin that I think it was just the motivation I needed to get back on track and stay focused on the goal: myself. After something like that happens, you are humbled. You need to take two or three steps back and see where you can change things so that it doesn't happen again. It wasn't a "oops you saw my underwear" type thing, it was something that had revealed some private information that I would have rather not shared with my Mom and two younger siblings. Suffice to say it was paralyzing and I felt like my only recourse was to pack up my things and leave immediately. But the good part of it was that it spurred this line of thinking which lead to the epiphany. It forced me to evaluate where my life was going and how I had ended up in that odd situation.

 

In retrospect, I hope they (and me) can laugh it off, and I feel like they can and will. I have to dust myself off, carry forward, and realize that its ok to screw up. It's ok to laugh at yourself.

 

To tie it back to this forum, it's been about 2 months since I've talked to my Ex. Didn't think I'd make it this far. I've quit smoking and drinking and totally changed my diet in that time span. Not for her or because of her, for me entirely. I still think about her constantly, but after an incredibly embarrassing moment with my family, I feel like I have only one direction to go now: forward.

 

I guess my point is that life will happen no matter what, some things are unavoidable, some things will humble us, and at the end of the day, its OK. It's alright to screw up and carry on. Let each situation be what it needs to be and move on. Sometimes the past needs to be the past.

 

Anyway, I hope in some small way this helps anyone move forward. Keep up the good work. Stick to NC! Don't do it for them. Do it for you.

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