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My husband left me


dannniieellee

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He left the marriage, said he was not only unhappy with the marriage itself but living away from his family.

 

If there was a chance for you two to reconcile and he was invested in making it work, he would have at least asked you to join him. You reached out saying you were willing to move, in spite of the fact that he abandoned the marriage and is willing to risk losing you, he didn't even respond to your offer.

 

I am really sorry but I wouldn't make the trip.

It sounds like you two are on totally different pages and ultimately want totally different lifestyles.

Based on how you describe his, no, don't lower yourself to that standard.

I know it's hard but I'd let him go.

Believe you deserve better.

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I just don't know what to do because i don't want to continually chase him... i already left my life to go to AK and now he couldn't even give me a few months to TRY florida out and see if he didn't like it before just completely abandoning me. do i chase him, will i ever be his number one priority, will i always have to do what he wants in this marriage?

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the pain i am feeling is pain i feel as though i will never get over. i would do anything for this man... literally ANYTHING. it hurts to sleep, eat, breathe knowing i don't or won't have him in my life.. i married him so we could be forever... i don't know how to come back from this, i really don't. I've never felt so empty.

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Dear Dani* ~ It's the worst pain we as humans can experience. Even a broken leg can heal quicker than this.....

 

I'm not sure if you've read any of my thread in the 'Healing' section but I started it in November and I'm still not 100%....

 

BUT, I am slowly getting better.....

 

That pain that you are experiencing is B.R.U.T.A.L...! And seems it will not end.....But it will....

 

Right now, just breathe. Break everything down to the day...to the hour....

 

What do I need to do to get through the next day....the next hour....the next 30 mins....!?

 

You are wounded....Dress that wound....Be kind to yourself....

 

 

Carus*

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We spoke on the phone today. He told me he got a job. sooo he's obviously staying put. i told him i would move there, he said he didn't want me to. he was cold. he gave me answers in the sense that he told me, he didnt want me. but he kept saying he loves me. and when i asked if he wanted us to work, he said "i don't know." soo after thinking, i sent him this "you let me down, you let our future down. and you can barely talk to me to give me the answers i deserve. i have to protect myself now, because you failed to do that. you broke every promise you ever made to me. i can resent you, i can hate you, but all the feelings i have in my heart are of love towards you. you made me realize what i DON'T want as my future. Someone that gives up on me is not what I want for myself. You had the whole world at your fingertips, you had a wife that would stand by your side through anything. and you let them go. i hope you find all your happiness cole, i really do. but i need to move on with my life. you're clearly moving on with yours." i am heartbroken. i don't know what else to do at this point. life feels over.

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Sorry to hear this. It's doubtful he's cheating. It seems he's too immature to be married and committed. Also that he want to to back with his friends/family and that kind of place. You seem like a smart together young woman and you'll do fine and find a decent man who can be there for you. With the help/support of family, file for divorce. Good you sent him this:

Someone that gives up on me is not what I want for myself. i need to move on with my life. you're clearly moving on with yours."
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Yes, it is crazy because he is never going to give you the answers you want. It is clear that he is done with this relationship, that he is too immature to work on it or handle things differently, and that he is caught up in his family's dysfunction. This is VERY difficult for you because you want him to tell you something coherent, that makes sense to you, that makes it easier to move on. That does not exist and will not happen. Better for you would be to hire a lawyer, file divorce papers, cut off contact and get into therapy to help you make sense of all of this and get you mentally and emotionally ready for a higher-quality life in future.

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He isn't giving me any answers. How do i get them?! is it crazy for me to drive to Pa to confront him???????

 

No. Don't drive there, he did give you answers. He said "Look Danielle I left bc I wasn’t happy with us with everything. Now I’m trying to keep my mind off of everything "

He said he was waiting on you to offer to come but when you did offer he said he doesn't want you there.

He probably does still love you. That doesn't stop because the relationship end. However, having feelings for someone and wanting to be with them are NOT the same thing.

His family and environment sounds toxic.

Make plans for your career and life and focus on that.

I know it's easier said than done but let him go. You would be repeatedly mistreated and you deserve better.

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Well i called him today because he took $1000 out of our acct. (I was able to get to bank in time to take the rest) but i asked him what we were doing and asked if he wanted a divorce and he said yes. and i said "well then say it. tell me Danielle, I want a divorce" and he wouldnt. and i kept asking and then he hungup on me.. so i guess its over..

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Well i called him today because he took $1000 out of our acct. (I was able to get to bank in time to take the rest) but i asked him what we were doing and asked if he wanted a divorce and he said yes. and i said "well then say it. tell me Danielle, I want a divorce" and he wouldnt. and i kept asking and then he hungup on me.. so i guess its over..

As I said, go see a lawyer and protect yourself. Know your rights AND your obligations.

I hope you don't have a credit card or credit line in both your names.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Wow, I really feel for you. What an immature boy. You definitely deserve better. I know your heart is breaking but the words you wrote were true about the kind of person who would make a good partner and he is simply too weak to handle it or discuss anything in a productive manner. As someone else said it is as if he is treating you like a girlfriend not a wife. He doesn't seem to have the depth (maturity) to honor his vows. You are young and maybe you want to have children someday. He has already shown you that when he is upset about something--1- you'll be the last to know and 2- his method of conflict "resolution" is to run away! That would not be a person who can be trusted to handle a lifetime commitment. He needs to stay there and I would recommend you listen to the others here who can see you have more ambition and drive and value commitment more than he does. Over time he would frustrate you more and more. Maybe you really are "out of his league." Having said that..maybe it was indeed too hard for him to be away from his family. But a married person is supposed to put their spouse first. He is not able to do that-- to view the two of you as the core unit. Therefore, he needs to not be married. I have a feeling that once you firmly decide to move on you will quickly move forward and build a life that is much better suited to you than the life of pain, uncertainty, conflict and strife you would have in this one.

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